Can you add to the list?

[Dedman]

1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
2. Why do banks charge a fee on insufficient funds when they already know you're broke?

3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, yet double-check when you say the paint is wet?

4. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection
(and along those same lines, why won't any state execute a person who is ill)?

6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

7. Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

8. Whose idea was it to put an "s" in the word lisp?

9. If people evolved from apes, how come there are still apes?

10. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

11. Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?

12. Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and put it down, and give the vacuum one more chance?

13. Why won't a plastic bag ever open from the first end you try?

14. How do those dead bugs get inside an enclosed light fixture?

15. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?



And, finally...the statistics on sanity tell us that one out of every four persons suffers from some sort of mental illness. Consider your three best friends: if they're okay, then it's you

[HaAGen DaZS]

i can personally vouche for the mental illness in my group of friends

why do we turn game pads like steering wheels when playing car-sim games?

[Top Wop]

Good stuff!

[Floyd]

how can someone be driven to insanity without a car?

[HaAGen DaZS]

your avatar

[Floyd]

lol. good one

[Mobius]

9. If people evolved from apes, how come there are still apes?

It always helps when you know the questions to ask - rather than misrepresent the facts.

Here are the facts:

1) Humans did not evolve from apes.

2) Apes and humans have a common ancestor, back around 8 million (or so) years ago.

3) You share between 95 and 98% of your DNA with Apes - depending on which species you choose. You also share around 88% of your DNA with a fruit fly (Drisophila Melanogaster - one of the most studied animals of all time). This shows you how important that 2-5% difference is!

======

Here's a god question for you:

IF I AM WHAT I EAT - HOW COME I'M NOT A COW?

See - this is another misrepresentation. It's now commnly believed "that you are what you eat." People who say this are freaking idiots. A child of 4 can tell you that you are most definitely NOT what you eat. If you eat nothing but lettuce, do you turn into a lettuce? NO. You turn into a skinny, diseased human being is what you turn into!

[Flabby Chick]

Good grief Mob'

[Dedman]

It's now commnly believed "that you are what you eat."

Maybe in Sheepville. The rest of know it's just a saying.

[Floyd]

mobi: this isn't a science thread, it's about fun (that's when you enjoy your being and laugh sometimes). otherwise you'd missed a couple inconsistencies in the initial post.

[Top Wop]

Mobius just shut up. Just shut up.

[De Rigueur]

Here's a god question for you:

IF I AM WHAT I EAT - HOW COME I'M NOT A COW?

Is this another Freudian slip?
He's always posting about religion.

[Nosferatu]

When joystick POV hats begin to fail, why do we push harder on them

[Unix]

http://www.petitiononline.com/MOBSTFU/petition.html

[TheCope]

http://www.petitiononline.com/MOBSTFU/petition.html

;-0

[suicide eddie]

17)why does mobi.....well everything

[Tetrad]

1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
- The same reason people rotate game controllers when they're playing. Yes it's an electronic device but we're more comfortable with mechanical ones, and "pressing harder" is quite logical with mechanical ones.

2. Why do banks charge a fee on insufficient funds when they already know you're broke?
- If they didn't charge what motivation is there for you to just not get indebted to the bank? Plus instead of just denying transactions they can make money by charging you.

3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, yet double-check when you say the paint is wet?
- Location. Nobody cares to count the stars, but if the paints wet and it's right there then why not?

4. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
- Depends on the type of glue but generally if you leave it out long enough it will. It's just that since it's all in liquid form it doesn't have a chance to dry out.

5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection (and along those same lines, why won't any state execute a person who is ill)?
- It's considered Cruel and Unusual.

6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
- Why is Jesus painted as white? Doesn't matter that it doesn't make any sense in the grand scheme of things, people want icons that they can relate to. Tarzan wouldn't be white with long flowing hair and a clean shave. He'd be dark with nappy hair and scruffy. But nobody wants to root for that guy in the jungle, it's not romantic.

7. Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- You don't want them knocking their heads and crashing the plane before they reached their destination.

8. Whose idea was it to put an "s" in the word lisp?
- bad question, nobody "decides" how words go. Since most people don't lisp it's not an issue. It is ironic, though.

9. If people evolved from apes, how come there are still apes?
- ..........

10. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
- too lazy to look this up

11. Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
- At a given store, yes. A lot of stores have deals where they have to have an item on the floor with the price tag as the MSRP x% of the time. When they're not on sale they're not advertised. Maybe they have rotations with different mattress companies' products being on sale at different times.

12. Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and put it down, and give the vacuum one more chance?
- They're too lazy to walk to the trash can when the vacuum cleaner is right there?

13. Why won't a plastic bag ever open from the first end you try?
- silly question.

14. How do those dead bugs get inside an enclosed light fixture?
- Well they're not really enclosed that well are they?

15. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
- Because women are stranger.

And, finally...the statistics on sanity tell us that one out of every four persons suffers from some sort of mental illness.
- ...

I give this list a 2/10 for effort.

[TheCope]

Boy oh boy Mobius and Tetrad are friggin killjoys. Everyone hates a know-it-all... can you tell us why that is?

;-0

[Floyd]

ok look this up tetrad: why don't flies remember how they came into a room from outside through a half opened window and run enthusiastically into the closed half of glass?

you forgot to explain my question, btw.

about the bubbles: my guess is the percentage of soapy water measured against the air. the bubbles film is so thin, that the color pigments don't affect the color of the bubbles anymore, as far as one is able to actually see.

now let's get back to the fun.

[Dedman]

Everyone hates a know-it-all

Especially when they don't

[Tetrad]

Everyone hates a know-it-all... can you tell us why that is?

I'll tell you what I hate, people who pass these lists around as somehow "insightful" or "funny" when they're not. Preying on the ignorances of the masses for cheap circle jerking thrills, that's all it is.

[Unix]

What's wrong with a circle jerk?

[ArcherOmega]

Been a while since I've heard these...you had some good new ones there.

A few I remember-

>What's another word for thesaurus?

>What do they use to ship styrofoam?

>Why is abbreviation such a long word?

>Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

>Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

>What was the best thing before sliced bread?

>If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

>What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

>Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

>Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?

>Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

>Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

[Buef]

Why are there locks on stores that are open 24/7?

Why are there instructions in Braille at the drive-up ATM?

Why aren't cold frankfurters called Cold Dogs?

Why isn't your dental cleaning device called a teethbrush?

[DCrazy]

Why are there locks on stores that are open 24/7?

Because if the power goes out or the store goes out of business there needs to be some way of protecting the contents.

Why are there instructions in Braille at the drive-up ATM?

You've never walked up to a drive-up ATM?

Why aren't cold frankfurters called Cold Dogs?

Because that's not what they're called.

Why isn't your dental cleaning device called a teethbrush?

For the same reason you don't see a 100% Brushless Cars Wash.

[dissent]

Preying on the ignorances of the masses ...

... is a truly worthwhile endeavor. Maybe when some of them realize the silly crap they believe, they will be inspired to become smarter.

I try to be an optimist (in spite of the legions of data to the contrary).

These lists are funny because invariably I'll find one or two (or ???) of these silly things that I also do, often subconciously.

[Hostile]

Ah the old standby:

Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

[Jeff250]

Why do clothing companies reward obesity by running out of all the regular sizes first and keeping the irregular sizes for clearance sales? Couldn't they learn and order proportionately the next time? Or even disproportionately in favor of the fine and fit? Isn't that the sort of free advertisement that they're looking for? And don't the larger sizes use more fabric anyways? Why should that be cheaper?

[SilverFJ]

>Why is SilverFJ SO DAMN sexy

[CUDA]

You share between 95 and 98% of your DNA with Apes

just you Mobi just you

[CUDA]

why can you tune a piano but you cant tuna fish

[Buef]

Why are there locks on stores that are open 24/7?

Because if the power goes out or the store goes out of business there needs to be some way of protecting the contents.

And I thought they called those 'employees'.

Why are there instructions in Braille at the drive-up ATM?

You've never walked up to a drive-up ATM?

No, I haven't.

Why aren't cold frankfurters called Cold Dogs?

Because that's not what they're called.

Well, I would ask why are cooked Frankfurters called Hot Dogs, but I think I can figure out the answer 'Because that's what they're called'

Why isn't your dental cleaning device called a teethbrush?

For the same reason you don't see a 100% Brushless Cars Wash.

But a car wash washes an individual car at a time in procession, hence the singular name....

[Sarge]

...why don't flies remember how they came into a room from outside through a half opened window and run enthusiastically into the closed half of glass?

Because they've got REALLY SMALL BRAINS!

Sheesh....

[Floyd]

size is nothing

[TheCope]

size is nothing

Iâ??m average size (2 inches) and I can tell you they will flock to any piece of garbage that has a huge caulk.

They will pay for his lunch, feel false compassion for his upbringing, let him drive the Escalade, and pretend they have rhythm (if you are so funky why do you need a drum machine? You are an insult. You can not rock.)

My 2-inch caulk has back up. I make exactly the median wage for an American household. The only thing in my favor is that I can eat cat like Michael Jordan made them slams.

Size matters.

[Floyd]

lol, what have i started

[Tetrad]

And I thought they called those 'employees'.

If the power is out you can't expect your minimum wage employees to 1) continue working without power and 2) to "protect" something they don't care about.

[Buef]

While I didnt think we would be debate'n 'jokes', it is interesting to note, I was (and the other 800 employees) expected to remain at work during extended electric power outages.

And what difference does power make in expecting an employee to protect somthing they do not care about? Even if not expected to 'protect' they are a deterant, kinda like locks, keep honest people honest. Real crooks could care less about a power outage (or locks).....

[DCrazy]

Why are there locks on stores that are open 24/7?

Because if the power goes out or the store goes out of business there needs to be some way of protecting the contents.

And I thought they called those 'employees'.

Well there aren't necessarily employees in an out-of-business store. I'm sure the next tenant would not like to lease a building that has been vandalized and otherwise destroyed. Locks also help when you're doing inventory and don't want customers to enter, as all stores do at least once a year -- even ones that are normally open 24/7.

Why are there instructions in Braille at the drive-up ATM?

You've never walked up to a drive-up ATM?

No, I haven't.

Well that explains it, then.

Why aren't cold frankfurters called Cold Dogs?

Because that's not what they're called.

Well, I would ask why are cooked Frankfurters called Hot Dogs, but I think I can figure out the answer 'Because that's what they're called'

Oatmeal that has been sitting out for a while is still called "hot cereal," as opposed to "lukewarm cereal" or even the more descriptive and accurate "disgusting mush."

Why isn't your dental cleaning device called a teethbrush?

For the same reason you don't see a 100% Brushless Cars Wash.

But a car wash washes an individual car at a time in procession, hence the singular name....

One could make that argument that a toothbrush brushes each individual tooth in procession. "Teethbrush" may imply that it brushes the entire set of teeth at once, which is false.

A more interesting argument would be that since toothbrushes are also intended to clean the gums and tongue (depending on how well-developed your sense of hygiene is ) that a more accurate term for the utensil would be "inside-of-the-mouthbrush". But that just doesn't roll off your freshly brushed tongue now does it?

[Floyd]

how about "masticatory organ brush". rolls easier off the tongue?