I loved it ...
Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand-motherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, " Mrs. Jones , do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams . I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, " Mrs. Jones , do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt."
Lawyer Joke
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Mobius
- DBB_Master
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- Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
- Contact:
Groovy.
I heard a replay of a very funny story this morning. It was from a US radio station - they were giving away $5000 to people who could tell the same story.
They asked for details about making love - and a guy rang in and said he'd shtupped his wife that morning. Not just in the bed, but in the kitchen, and also on the kitchen table!
So, the DJs ring his wife, and tell her that her husband has been telling them some stuff, and that if she answers correctly (The same answer as him) then they'll win $5000!
So, first they ask the wife what happened this morning in bed. She correctly says that her hubby wasa very horny, and that they had made love in bed.
They then ask her what other room they made love it - and once again - she correctly says that they did it in the kitchen.
2 down - 1 to go.
The DJ then says, "Your husband told us you did it in a fairly strange place - not a place where people would normally make love - can you tell us what that place was?"
And she's all like: "Oh My God! I can't believe he'd tell you that!"
They say, "To win $5000, you are going to have to tell us where you did it!"
She says, "Alright then. In the a$$."
I heard a replay of a very funny story this morning. It was from a US radio station - they were giving away $5000 to people who could tell the same story.
They asked for details about making love - and a guy rang in and said he'd shtupped his wife that morning. Not just in the bed, but in the kitchen, and also on the kitchen table!
So, the DJs ring his wife, and tell her that her husband has been telling them some stuff, and that if she answers correctly (The same answer as him) then they'll win $5000!
So, first they ask the wife what happened this morning in bed. She correctly says that her hubby wasa very horny, and that they had made love in bed.
They then ask her what other room they made love it - and once again - she correctly says that they did it in the kitchen.
2 down - 1 to go.
The DJ then says, "Your husband told us you did it in a fairly strange place - not a place where people would normally make love - can you tell us what that place was?"
And she's all like: "Oh My God! I can't believe he'd tell you that!"
They say, "To win $5000, you are going to have to tell us where you did it!"
She says, "Alright then. In the a$$."
A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense...
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."
At this point, the Deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer and says...
"DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."
At this point, the Deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer and says...
"DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"
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Sergeant Thorne
- DBB Material Defender
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- Location: Indiana, U.S.A.
