How To Shower Like A ...

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 5:20 pm

Prolly old but who cares ... its funny for those that havent read it before.

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your @$$.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.
Dry off forearms and butt only.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

Unix · Post by **Unix** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 5:27 pm

ROFL

That's hilarious!

Lobber · Post by **Lobber** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 6:26 pm

The man showering part was way too long.

It should have been: Get in shower, wash hair, body, shave, rinse, and dry.

Done.

JMEaT · Post by **JMEaT** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 6:37 pm

Bwhaha, it's funny cause it's true!

BigSlideHimself · Post by **BigSlideHimself** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 6:38 pm

I do that blow nose on hand thing all the time. And I"m curious to the married DBB'rs, does your wife really cover up when she passes you?

Unix · Post by **Unix** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 6:52 pm

BigSlideHimself wrote:I do that blow nose on hand thing all the time. And I"m curious to the married DBB'rs, does your wife really cover up when she passes you?

Naw, she shakes her boobs at me and goes "whoowhoo"

will_kill · Post by **will_kill** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 8:01 pm

good stuff dude!

Krom · Post by **Krom** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 8:21 pm

hehehe, amusing

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 8:51 pm

woo-woo!

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 9:16 pm

LOL! Unix you lucky son of a biutch

Battlebot · Post by **Battlebot** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 10:01 pm

good post ice, that made my day....along with the revealing of the iPod nano

Flabby Chick · Post by **Flabby Chick** » Wed Sep 07, 2005 11:42 pm

Unix wrote:Naw, she shakes her boobs at me and goes "whoowhoo"

Yea mine too.

roid · Post by **roid** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 3:43 am

i prefer an "ARRR!!"

will_kill · Post by **will_kill** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 11:05 am

roid wrote:i prefer an "ARRR!!"

lmao

Top Wop · Post by **Top Wop** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 2:45 pm

Now that made my day!

WarAdvocat · Post by **WarAdvocat** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 2:54 pm

My GF shakes her chest at me and says "Breasts!"

I hope this doesn't change if we get married

MD-2389 · Post by **MD-2389** » Thu Sep 08, 2005 9:59 pm

Click me

Money! · Post by **Money!** » Tue Sep 13, 2005 9:50 pm

Nice one Ice.

Muffalicious · Post by **Muffalicious** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 9:44 am

That is some funny ★■◆● right there.

Foil · Post by **Foil** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 10:36 am

BigSlideHimself wrote:...the married DBB'rs, does your wife really cover up when she passes you?

What my wife does when she comes out of the shower is only for me to know.

Tricord · Post by **Tricord** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 10:57 am

It's times like these I wish we actually had a shower in the house

Only baths here.. pfft.

Hattrick · Post by **Hattrick** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 11:10 am

fuunay!

although when I pass my girlfriend after I leave the shower, SHE grabs my weiner and says "WOO HOO"!!

I love my girlfriend.

Flabby Chick · Post by **Flabby Chick** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 11:12 am

I went through childhood and my early teens living in a "bath society". For us, folks with showers usually had colour tv's, two cars and drank Danish lager.

I hate baths.

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 11:44 am

WarAdvocat wrote:My GF shakes her chest at me and says "Breasts!"

I hope this doesn't change if we get married

It will cupcake, it will.

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 11:48 am

Yeah, and if he gets lucky, it will be her @$$ she starts shaking

Foil · Post by **Foil** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 3:08 pm

WarAd, don't mind them.

It's five years into my marriage, and it's only gotten better (more fun, more...

) for my wife and I.

Take the plunge!