A funny.

Fusion pimp · Post by **Fusion pimp** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 9:21 am

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 9:51 am

O M G! Good one

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 10:53 am

Doh!!

A young couple were in their hotel room after having just been married. As they were getting undressed to consummate the marriage, the man turns to his new bride and says â??honey, please put my pants on.â?

Couver_ · Post by **Couver_** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 11:39 am

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'"

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write 'comfortable?'"

The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. She'll read it slowly."

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 11:51 am

LOL ...

Richard Cranium · Post by **Richard Cranium** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 11:59 am

Couver_ wrote:'comfortable'

took me a second because I kept reading it too fast.

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 2:30 pm

Maxim rules.

Krom · Post by **Krom** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 3:14 pm

Heh!

TIGERassault · Post by **TIGERassault** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 3:21 pm

Couver's is the best.
I didn't get Dedman's.