You got nine more years

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 6:25 am

Enjoy them:

PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH!
Monday September 12, 2005

By MIKE FOSTER

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. -- Scared-stiff astronomers have detected a mysterious mass they've dubbed a "chaos cloud" that dissolves everything in its path, including comets, asteroids, planets and entire stars -- and it's headed directly toward Earth!

Discovered April 6 by NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, the swirling, 10 million-mile- wide cosmic dust cloud has been likened to an "acid nebula" and is hurtling toward us at close to the speed of light -- making its estimated time of arrival 9:15 a.m. EDT on June 1, 2014.

"The good news is that this finding confirms several cutting- edge ideas in theoretical physics," announced Dr. Albert Sherwinski, a Cambridge based astrophysicist with close ties to NASA.

"The bad news is that the total annihilation of our solar system is imminent."

Experts believe the chaos cloud is composed of particles spawned near the event horizon of a black hole (a form of what's called Hawking Radiation) that have been distorted by mangled information spewed from the hole.

"A super-massive black hole lies about 28,000 light-years from Earth at the center of our galaxy," explained Dr. Sherwinski.

"Last year the eminent physicist Stephen Hawking revised his theory of black holes -- which previously held that nothing could escape the hole's powerful gravitational field. He demonstrated that information about objects that have been sucked in can be emitted in mangled form.

"It now appears that mangled information can distort matter.

"Just imagine our galaxy the Milky Way as a beautiful, handwritten letter.

"Now imagine pouring a glass of water on the paper and watching the words dissolve as the stain spreads. That's what the chaos cloud does to every star or planet it encounters."

To avoid widespread panic, NASA has declined to make the alarming discovery public. But Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.

"It's like watching a helpless hog being dissolved in a vat of acid," one NASA scientist told Dr. Sherwinski.

Ordinarily, Hawkings Radiation is harmless.

"It's produced when an electron- positron pair are at the event horizon of a black hole," Dr. Sherwinski explained. "The intense curvature of space-time of the hole can cause the positron to fall in, while the electron escapes."

But when "infected" by mangled information from the black hole, the particles become a chaos cloud, which in turn mangles everything it touches.

"If it continues unchecked, the chaos cloud will eventually reduce our galaxy to the state of absolute chaos that existed before the birth of the universe," the astrophysicist warned.

Some scientists say mankind's best hope would be to build a "space ark" and hightail it to the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.1 million light-years away.

"We wouldn't be able to save the entire human population, but perhaps the best and the brightest," observed British rocket scientist Dr. David Hall, when asked about the feasibility of such a project.

But even if such a craft could be built in time, evacuating Earth might prove fruitless if theories about the origin of the chaos cloud are correct.

"A black hole at the center of Andromeda is about 15 times the size of the one in our own galaxy," Dr. Sherwinski noted. "It might be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire."

Speaking under the condition of anonymity, a senior White House official said the president's top science advisors are taking the findings in stride.

"This is a lot like global warming, where the jury is still out on whether it's real or not," said the official.

Flatlander · Post by **Flatlander** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 6:45 am

wtf?!

Source?

Suncho · Post by **Suncho** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:03 am

Mangled information? Is it like the Internet? ;)

Tricord · Post by **Tricord** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:20 am

100% bull$hit!

If that black hole is 28,000 light years away, it will take at least 28,000 years for any immediate effect at the black hole to reach us.

Add to that, this is real life, not some cheap trek show.

Third, if we are to be annihilated, then so be it. Lets get on with our lives in the meantime

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:23 am

Tricord wrote:if we are to be annihilated, then so be it. Lets get on with our lives in the meantime

Amen to that.

Suncho · Post by **Suncho** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:24 am

Tricord wrote:100% bull$hit!

If that black hole is 28,000 light years away, it will take at least 28,000 years for any immediate effect at the black hole to reach us.

The chaos cloud actually originated 27991 years ago. We've only been able to detect it now because it's close enough for our instruments to record. They can calculate its velocity based on blue shift and have extrapolated from the data they have to calculate its current position.

Tricord wrote:Add to that, this is real life, not some cheap trek show.

=D

Tricord wrote:Third, if we are to be annihilated, then so be it. Lets get on with our lives in the meantime

We should get on building that Ark man. We can cryogenically freeze ourselves then wake up a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away! =P

Flabby Chick · Post by **Flabby Chick** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:25 am

So can i start smoking again now then?

Flatlander · Post by **Flatlander** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:28 am

Apparently originated from the Weekly World News: http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/science/61501

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:36 am

Tricord wrote:If that black hole is 28,000 light years away, it will take at least 28,000 years for any immediate effect at the black hole to reach us.

Maybe it was spewed by the black hole 27,991 years ago. Did you stop to think of that? Huh, did you smartypants?

Krom · Post by **Krom** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 8:07 am

Heh, amusing.

BUBBALOU · Post by **BUBBALOU** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 8:30 am

Was it before or after the tsunami ufo article?

I love tabloids

Tricord · Post by **Tricord** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 9:39 am

Dedman wrote:Maybe it was spewed by the black hole 27,991 years ago. Did you stop to think of that? Huh, did you smartypants?

Seems like a stupid moment for this to happen. Why now? Why not nine years ago, or decades later? On a cosmic scale even 28,000 years is nothing and if something happens abruptly within such a timespan, it would be highly unusual. It mentions this anomaly travels at near the lightspeed. If it comes from a black hole, it's even more powerful than a black hole even according to Hawking radiation of black holes. The radiation given by a hole similar to the one in the center of our galaxy is like three times nothing.

Furthermore, the radiation is continuous, so it's not just something that happens and gets thrown in our face all of the sudden. If something is coming this way, it didn't originate from a (the) black hole at the center of our galaxy.

I smell major attention whores at work here. I for one have absolutely no fear of planetary destruction due to some cosmic anomaly. These things are fairly well documented. We know what can potentially happen. The only thing I would deem possible is some debris from the inner or outer asteriod belt in our solar system that hits the earth. Happens all the time, most are small enough to burn up in the atmosphere. There could be bigger ones out there..

So..

Phoenix Red · Post by **Phoenix Red** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 9:59 am

I thought we were having an ice age before then anyway?

TheCope · Post by **TheCope** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 10:06 am

Well. I just don't know how the universe is gonna do without fast food, logo-ridden clothing, and a general state of non-creativity and copy-catting.

I say bring it. We could use a good re-ionization.

;-0

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 1:58 pm

Hawking posited Hawking Radiation way back in the 80's. Strike One.

Ask yourself, how can a cloud "dissolve" anything? Strike Two.

Answer, it can't. Dissolving requires a solution into which to dissolve something. If the "cloud" is the solution, then ask yourself, how does *anything* "dissolve" an object weighing in the Petaton range? Strike Three.

LOL.

Critical thinking folks. It helps.

Top Gun · Post by **Top Gun** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 2:23 pm

Mobius, I think that once most of us got to the phrase "chaos cloud," there wasn't a whole lot of critical thinking required.

Battlebot · Post by **Battlebot** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 3:30 pm

Top Gun wrote:Mobius, I think that once most of us got to the phrase "chaos cloud," there wasn't a whole lot of critical thinking required.

lol

Kiran · Post by **Kiran** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 3:43 pm

We got 9 years? What about 2012 or 2024 (or was it 2029?)
Someone mentioned something about destruction in 2008.

Eh, either way, we're all gonna die sometimes. Just don't forget to stop and smell the roses.

CORD · Post by **CORD** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 6:18 pm

The sky is falling, bring me an umbrella and a beer.

roid · Post by **roid** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:41 pm

i wonder if i'll ever understand tabloids.
are they supposed to be funny? i can't see how they can dodge "accuracy in reporting" laws.

Krom · Post by **Krom** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 9:24 pm

Top Gun wrote:Mobius, I think that once most of us got to the phrase "chaos cloud," there wasn't a whole lot of critical thinking required.

Took you that long?

What part of "PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH!" isn't a dead giveaway?

will_kill · Post by **will_kill** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 9:35 pm

BWAAHAAAHAHA!

....what will be, will be

[spoiler]garden variety distraction propaganda alert![/spoiler]

roid · Post by **roid** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 9:58 pm

but will_kill, what are we being distracted from?

dissent · Post by **dissent** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 9:59 pm

CORD wrote:The sky is falling, bring me an umbrella and a beer.

haha!! Guinness for everyone!!!
(lessee; cash in the 401k, at a keg or two a week, times, how many weeks .....oh, yeah, sweet!

I think it just looks like a cloud, anyway.
It's probably really - Mothra !!

Beowulf · Post by **Beowulf** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 10:04 pm

Personally I think this is perfect timing, this way I can get my good-bye sex from the two women I'm seeing, then never have to worry about either of them finding out.

Palzon · Post by **Palzon** » Sun Sep 18, 2005 10:32 pm

hey fella...you have to have hello sex before you can have good-bye sex.

Jon the Great · Post by **Jon the Great** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 12:21 am

Before this thread dies, +1 to the Cope for the new avatar.

Beowulf · Post by **Beowulf** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 6:45 am

Palzon wrote:hey fella...you have to have hello sex before you can have good-bye sex.

Oh shiz is that how it works? That explains a lot.

Like the restraining orders and the lawsuit.

Sarge · Post by **Sarge** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 10:46 am

Either April Fools is early (late?) this year or somebody took too much blotter acid and watched Star Trek re-runs....

... AND IT WASN'T ME!

Flabby Chick · Post by **Flabby Chick** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 11:36 am

Yo Sarge, another nine years for you would be a blessing anyway so quit the funnies.

will_kill · Post by **will_kill** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 12:19 pm

roid wrote:but will_kill, what are we being distracted from?

ummmm....yehhh ...uhmmm..nah, I really should'nt go there

MD-2389 · Post by **MD-2389** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 1:40 pm

Sorry folks, its all my fault. See, I stopped by Taco Bell on my way to an infected mine....

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Mon Sep 19, 2005 2:08 pm

will_kill wrote:
roid wrote:but will_kill, what are we being distracted from?

ummmm....yehhh ...uhmmm..nah, I really should'nt go there

Will_kill, is your tinfoil hat leaking again?

Grendel · Post by **Grendel** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 6:50 pm

For the record: http://www.snopes.com/science/dustcloud.asp

Sarge · Post by **Sarge** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:02 pm

Grendel wrote:For the record: http://www.snopes.com/science/dustcloud.asp

Ya think?

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:03 pm

Grendel wrote:For the record: http://www.snopes.com/science/dustcloud.asp

what a ★■◆●ing buzz kill. Is everyone in Holland as humorless as you?

will_kill · Post by **will_kill** » Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:44 pm

Dedman wrote:
will_kill wrote:
roid wrote:but will_kill, what are we being distracted from?

ummmm....yehhh ...uhmmm..nah, I really should'nt go there
Will_kill, is your tinfoil hat leaking again?

..sure..why not

Grendel · Post by **Grendel** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 2:42 pm

Dedman wrote:
Grendel wrote:For the record: http://www.snopes.com/science/dustcloud.asp
what a ****ing buzz kill. Is everyone in Holland as humorless as you?

Beats me -- never been there

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 2:56 pm

Grendel wrote:
Dedman wrote:
Grendel wrote:For the record: http://www.snopes.com/science/dustcloud.asp
what a ****ing buzz kill. Is everyone in Holland as humorless as you?
Beats me -- never been there

Forgive Dedman...he's getting old. He thought you were Tricord

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Tue Sep 27, 2005 4:36 pm

woodchip wrote:
Grendel wrote:
Dedman wrote:
Grendel wrote:For the record: http://www.snopes.com/science/dustcloud.asp
what a ****ing buzz kill. Is everyone in Holland as humorless as you?
Beats me -- never been there
Forgive Dedman...he's getting old. He thought you were Tricord

I did actually, and I don't know why. I know better. Sorry 'bout that.