I walked outside after just posting some really inflamatory stuff in the NHB and smoked a ciggarette and sat down to think about myself like the cocky, arrogant egotistical bastard I am. It took me typing stuff down on the internet and reading it back to myself to finally let this ★■◆● sink in.
I'm a jaded little dick.
I've lost most of my friends, I've lost the respect I used to have in my community, I'm an addict, I'm emotionally scarred to the point where I don't really care about anyone else. I want that to change.
I've been posting online recently because my life has shattered to little bits. The people I used to party with will have nothing to do with me any more because I'm ultraviolent. I'm a milign (sp?) peice of ★■◆●. I take offense to anything and everything possible.
There are reasons for this but when I reached what I consider mental adulthood I came to the conclusion that they appear as nothing but excuses, so I won't even go there any more.
I used to play Descent. That's why I am here. I met a lot of cool people. I don't see the computer and internet as "In real life vs. Online life". I strive to please nobody. So I consider you my friends, and not just "net buddies". I have ruined this.
I might as well carry a shovel on my back to dig myself deeper into the holes I'm begun for myself, both socially, legally.
will_kill: You're relitively new to this place full of great people and I'm sorry if I've made it seem more hostile than it actually is. My comments to you were out of an immature rage that I have problems controlling and need to work on. Enjoy your stay.
Vertigo 99: Man, what happened. I have no real problem with you. I said some ★■◆● that I really shouldn't have no matter what. Whatever you told me I probably deserved and I don't want to hate anyone any more. I call a truce on my end, whether or not you want to accept it. We used to be really cool and I realized that whenever I saw your name I became upset. Please accept this apology for my behavior.
Duper: All you ever told me in certain threads (you know what I'm speaking of) was advice I should have taken to heart instead of lashing back. I'm a rotten peice of ★■◆●, I know, with no regard for authority nor anyone who has any problem with me or what I say. I want to change. Sorry.
If anybody else I had a problem with is forgotten, know that I want to start clean with you all. I don't deserve your sympathy for the things that have happened to me, nor do I need it. Just please, please, understand I don't want to be the way I am and now strive for betterment.
I might not be around a lot anymore like I have in the past week or two because hopefully I can get back with my old possee offline as soon as possible. Hell, I broke out in a rash from all the stress. My holes are only getting deeper and deeper and I don't want to hit six feet because of the way my life is going.
peace
Oh!...don't fight the need your feeling to change your self. Listen closely to your inner voice and pay attention to the direction your mind(frontal lobes) is pointing and you will be just fine....I already see it with this latest post 
god forbid they try and put me on ★■◆●ing pills I won't do it)
