Gooberman wrote:This joke wasnt at all worth a new thread, so Im bumping this one.
.........
Osama Bin Ladin is in Heaven. He sees George Washington comming up to him. All of a sudden, George takes out a bat and hits him over the head, knocking him out to the ground. In which he says, "thats for trying to ruin the country I helped build."
A little spacey, Osama sees Hamilton comming up to him. Hammelton grabs him by the shirt, picks him up, and throws him. He then kicks him in the nuts. This process continues, one by one, 70 more great Americans go up to Osama, and give him a beating.
After it is all finished, an Angel goes up to Osama, Osama says, "I don't understand, this is not what I was promised...."
The Angel replies, "What are you talking about, I promised you 72 Virgins."
72 Virginians you ★■◆●! (AFAIK Robin Williams came up with that joke)
Gooberman wrote:This joke wasnt at all worth a new thread, so Im bumping this one.
.........
Osama Bin Ladin is in Heaven. He sees George Washington comming up to him. All of a sudden, George takes out a bat and hits him over the head, knocking him out to the ground. In which he says, "thats for trying to ruin the country I helped build."
A little spacey, Osama sees Hamilton comming up to him. Hammelton grabs him by the shirt, picks him up, and throws him. He then kicks him in the nuts. This process continues, one by one, 70 more great Americans go up to Osama, and give him a beating.
After it is all finished, an Angel goes up to Osama, Osama says, "I don't understand, this is not what I was promised...."
The Angel replies, "What are you talking about, I promised you 72 Virgins."
72 Virginians you ****ole! (AFAIK Robin Williams came up with that joke)
A bit old of a topic, but this had to be posted...
A poor man has lost his job. His wife and children are starving, and he can't find another job. He's at the end of his rope. Being the devout Christian man that he is, he goes to the side of a mountain, kneels down, and prays to God to help him out of his situation.
Sweating, shaking, begging God to have mercy on him and his family, he hears some rocks rolling down the mountainside, accompanied by a soft "thump". He looks down, and there on the ground in front of him is a large chunk of cheese and a bag of chips.
He grabs these two items and takes off for home, shouting and praising God. When he reaches home, he immediately hands the cheese and chips to his wife and says, "Honey, I need you to make nacho cheese out of this as quick as you can."
"Ok, but why?" asks his wife.
"Well, I was out praying on the mountainside, and all of the sudden, BANG, this cheese and this bag of chips appeared on the ground in front of me, so I picked them up and started running for home. I ran all the way home, but I heard God's voice following me all the way home, yelling behind me, "THAT'S NACHO CHEESE, MAN! THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!"
One morning, this guy wakes up, and as he gazes out of his window into his garden, he sees a big gorilla sitting in his tree. So he calls the zoo and asks whether they can help him. The guy at the other end of the line asks him whether it's a male or a female gorilla. The guy with the gorilla in his garden runs to the window, looks at the gorilla, returns to the phone and informs the zoo guy that it's a male gorilla. "Ok, no problem then", the animal keeper responds. "We'll be there in 5 minutes". 5 minutes later, he's at the door. They proceed to the garden, where the animal keeper pulls a club, handcuffs, a chihuahua dog and a colt out of his bag. He instructs the other guy: I will now climb into the three and start to beat the gorilla with the club until it falls down. Once it's on the ground, the chihuahua will get it at its balls. The gorilla will reach between its legs to protect itself. That's when you have to approach it from behind and put the handcuffs around its wrists. See, it's really easy. "Okaaaaaaay", the other guy says. "And what's the gun for?" "If I fall down before the Gorilla, please shoot the dog."
A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
stories. Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." And the moral of the story is "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"
"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.
We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they hatch."
"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm & her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun & a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break & then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke & then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Don't f*ck with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
Palzon wrote:i appreciate the jokes top wop, whatever the haters say.
also...
I got it, but the joke ought to be:
so this termite walks into a bar and asks, "where is the bar tender?"
Thanks. I actually got these from a car forum where people seemed to have enjoyed it there but I should have realized that some people here have a stone-like sense of humor.
Top Wop wrote:Thanks. I actually got these from a car forum where people seemed to have enjoyed it there but I should have realized that some people here have a stone-like sense of humor.
No, its just that:
1. They're not funny.
2. Those same "jokes" have been forwarded 10 million times through AOL, and later passed on to the rest of the world.
3. They weren't funny then, and they damn sure aren't funny now.
You ever listen to someone tell "yo mama" jokes when you were a kid? Were they funny then? What about AYB? Those that see it for the first time find it hilarious. Those of us that have seen it a dozen times...you get the idea. By the way, you might want to do something about the corn stalks growing out of your ears.
Palzon wrote:oh yeah? well, that's coming from someone who's mama is so ugly that when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
MD-2389 wrote:
1. They're not funny.
2. Those same "jokes" have been forwarded 10 million times through AOL, and later passed on to the rest of the world.
3. They weren't funny then, and they damn sure aren't funny now.
Good grief! Each unto his own. Is it my imagination or is it "let's all be completely anal" week here at the DBB.
Ronnie Barker died this week, he of porridge and open all hours fame (probably means nothing to Americans). His genius for me was writing the best "lame" jokes ever.
One of his one liners:
The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow
1. They're not funny.
2. Those same "jokes" have been forwarded 10 million times through AOL, and later passed on to the rest of the world.
3. They weren't funny then, and they damn sure aren't funny now.
You ever listen to someone tell "yo mama" jokes when you were a kid? Were they funny then? What about AYB? Those that see it for the first time find it hilarious. Those of us that have seen it a dozen times...you get the idea. By the way, you might want to do something about the corn stalks growing out of your ears.
You know what? I dont need your personal approval to post anything. In fact I can post whatever the hell I want as long as its not spam and it does not violate the rules. These set of jokes were appreciated by people here and the forum I took them from and were not even in the same league as an AYB or whatever. So check your arrogant attitude at the door and stop your trolling. The "back" button on your broswer is there for a reason so I suggest you use it next time a post does not meet your high standards instead of being a troll.
(AFAIK Robin Williams came up with that joke)
