Spelling, punctuation, and grammar

[Mobius]

Or: Speling, Punch-you-asian, and gran'ma.

Yep, the DBB English-Nazi is here, and I'm not going away any time soon. So you should expect me to continue hauling you up whenever you're stupid enough to write the following:

Definatly instead of definitely
Your instead of you're
There instead of their

As well as many more besides.

Do you actually realise that poor spelling, punctuation and grammar basically consigns you to a $10/hour job for the rest of your life?

It says: I am lazy, stupid, and uneducated. It doesn't matter how smart you are, or what you have to say, because if you can't express yourself clearly in correct English then no one will take you seriously - EVER.

If you are genuinely dislexic (Like Warlock et al) then you have a very good excuse for not getting it right, and should prefix all your posts with the phrase:

Please excuse my poor English: I suffer from dyslexia

You can copy and paste it, so you don't try to spell "dyslexia" as "dailysex".

You can sit in front of your PC all day long, and tell yourself a hundred times a day spelling, grammar and punctuation isn't important.

Let me reassure you this is not the case.

I am currently employing new 3 programmers for our company, and this is what I do:

Read the application letter. If I find a single spelling, usage, punctuation or grammatical error it goes straight in the bin, along with their 22 page Resume. These idiots don't even get a rejection letter.

The ones who pass this first test get put in the "possible" pile. I then take the first two pages of their CV, rip the rest off and throw them in the trash. If what I need to see is on the first two pages of the CV, they stay in the "possibles" pile.

If that first two pages is nothing but rubbish, or lists stuff they did 10 years ago... yep - you guessed it: in the bin.

Whoever remains in the possibles pile gets an interview.

To me, it doesn't matter WHAT they wrote in the application - I'm not even slightly interested in the content. Nor do I care how much is in their CV. Simply by supplying a single page CV (Printed on both sides), and an error free application they will guarantee themselves an interview.

When they arrive, I pretty much have decided within 2 minutes of meeting them whether they have a job with us or not. I don't care what people wear to an interview: as long as their clothes are clean, and they smell OK, and if they're male, have shaved.

I am not unusual in my hiring methods.

These jobs begin at $30 an hour, for 40 hours a week, with 4 weeks annual leave. Overtime is time-and-a-half.

So just keep on thinking your bad spelling doesn't matter, or that not putting an apostrophe in "don't" doesn't matter.

Your application will be filed under "R" for "rubbish". Thank You.

[dissent]

I wil sav you the truble. I dont think I wanna werk with u.

[roid]

Mobius. In your field of work I can understand why spelling is important. It's because when you are programming you are talking to a computer and computers don't know howto handle mistakes particularly well. Also because you must maintain a professional image of a robust company that strives to output nothing other than perfection itself into it's clients hands.

However if you are in a job where you need to deal with other people in a friendly manner, this is how I (your employer) would handle you as an employee:

Your inability to step outside of your elitist spelling bee mindset reflects poorly on your ability to think rationally on your feet while outside of your comfort zone. It also reflects badly on your ability to interact socially with other people, few people will have patience for your elitist attitude and as you are unwilling to bend and accept that other people have different values to you - you will not get along well with many people.

It doesn't matter how smart you are, or what you have to say, because if you can't express yourself clearly in correct English then no one will take you seriously - EVER.

Mobius, you have this completely backwards. Because you see, no-one here takes YOU seriously. You are the one in the minority here. Stop and let that sink in. You are the minority and you have a talent for getting on almost everyone's nerves. When you try to have us believe that a supposed MAJORITY of people out in the world are like you - we just laugh because we know otherwise.

As your employer i would keep in mind that other employees will have to treat you with kid gloves lest you be offended. With your rather autistic-like lack of tact and empathy you would go no-where near my human resources department. I would be very hesitant to let you come in contact with my clients - unless some of my clients were like you, in which case your otherwise offensive temperament would inspire the confidence of such a person.

You could be an asset. But you'd be on a very long probationary period to see if anyone pushed you out a window in your first month there, which given the way you get on everyone's nerves HERE, is an event more likely to happen with you than with the average employee.

Good day.

[fliptw]

I suggest we here by implement these filters:

definitely replaces Definatly
Yur replaces you're
Theer replaces There
Anal Nazi Hole replaces Mobius.

I give a damn about how I write, but I don't need to impose that on others.

And guess what, nobody imposes it on you, so don't need to do that to others.

If you can't hack that, Mobius - leave.

[roid]

btw Mobius, whenever someone else ironicly calls you out on some of YOUR incorrect spelling. you never reply.

what's with that hmm?

[Jeff250]

If you are genuinely dislexic...

"dyslexic"

[Jon the Great]

Hate it to break it to you mobius, but Roid's right.

That was a very lengthy post. Don't you have more important things to do than to complain about grammar? Find a hobby, one that's outdoors and away from the computer.

[Vindicator]

Eat a dick Mobi. Youre an idiot if you think you're doing us a favor by trolling threads pointing out mistakes.

If I was an admin here, this thread = instant ban.

[Vertigo 99]

i wouldnt ban him for this thread, i WOULD lock the thread tho.

and he's an idiot if he thinks comparing spelling on an internet BB where only ONE person cares is analygous to the importance of spelling and presentation on something as professional as a resume.

oh, and sorry for any mistakes, mobi, i don't proof read my posts.

[Flabby Chick]

Yep... dislexic.... and "I am currently employing new 3 programmers for our company"

I'm sick of saying english is an evolving language so i won't say it again. Stick to your rules Mob', you've become a grumpy old man at 40.

[roid]

i'd rather this thread wasn't locked. I'd like some closure here, i'd like Mobius to respond.

[TheCope]

You have a heightened sense of self-importance. I mean, I gotta brand new pair of roller skates you have a brand new key.

Go masturbate to sci-fi female laser warriors and shove blood burgers up your fat faces.

No, I'm sorry it's the <3 it's the <3.

[Krom]

Woot, go roid!

[Kiran]

Do you correct people's grammar irl?

[Tricord]

I agree the importance of spelling and grammar is widely underestimated. I also think that people are stupid, and there isn't much we can do about that. So, while I observe the way people write for personal judgement (don't we all?), I don't care for bad spelling.

[Dedman]

Do you actually realise that poor spelling, punctuation and grammar basically consigns you to a $10/hour job for the rest of your life?

Do you actually realize what an astronomically incorrect statement that is?

While it may be that in NZ, knowledge, initiative, attitude, and hard work take a back seat to the ability to avoid a dangling participle or split infinitive; but I can assure you that in a lot of other countries it is the knowledge, initiative, attitude, and hard work that a person brings to the job that really matters.

Get over your self.

I am currently employing new 3 programmers for our company, and this is what I do:

Read the application letter. If I find a single spelling, usage, punctuation or grammatical error it goes straight in the bin, along with their 22 page Resume. These idiots don't even get a rejection letter.

If you actually do that, I would say that it is you who is the idiot. While spelling, punctuation, and gran'ma are important, they are not the end all be all. They are merely a means of sharing information in an agreed upon manner. It is the content of the information not the form that is most critical. In your pursuit of grammatical excellence, you may inadvertently overlook a more valuable candidate simple because he wrote there instead of their.

What a waste! The person who put you in charge of hiring people should be fired.

I know you are only trolling for crap. Well, you found some.

[WarAdvocat]

heh... Apparently, he wouldn't hire himself!

Flagged by MS Word Spellcheck:
"realise"
"dislexic"
"possibles" per dictionary.com: "No entry found for possibles." Per m-w.com: "The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search box to the right."

See, the problem with perfectionism is, if you don't practice what you preach, people will climb about 30 yards up your arse to point it out. Take care that your standards aren't too high for you to live up to yourself.

As others have pointed out, many high-paying jobs do not have a grammar prerequisite. After all, every organization usually keeps a few semi-autistic grammar nazis around to fix the errors.

[whuppinboy]

considering your topic is grammatically incorrect, i can't believe a word of what you just said.

it should be: Spelling, punctuation and grammar. there's no comma before the end dumbass

[Hattrick]

What a waste! The person who put you in charge of hiring people should be fired.

Those responsible for the sacking, Have been sacked!


X2 to all the above.
Youre poast waz a waist of thyme.yoo wood halve bin beter off lerning to uze the spel czeck funksion.

geez, I knew he was anal but this post gets a place on my office wall. I'm sure it will amuse people for the next couple of days.

[Plebeian]

Flagged by MS Word Spellcheck:
"realise"

Valid spelling, it's just not the American spelling. Most of the rest of the world would be spelling it this way.

it should be: Spelling, punctuation and grammar. there's no comma before the end dumbass

As I recall, a comma between the last to items in a list of single words is acceptable but not required (while it's required in a list of phrases). But since there's an insane number of different sets of rules from all the different organizations over the years, it's hard to say what's "official" anymore.

[Couver_]

Ahh the Dickhead Manifesto

[Hahnenkam]

considering your topic is grammatically incorrect, i can't believe a word of what you just said.

it should be: Spelling, punctuation and grammar. there's no comma before the end dumbass

Whup is right, unless grammar is different in the southern hemisphere.

Maybe you should volunteer as a proofreader at a publishing company or local newspaper. It might help you loosen up that sphincter.

[Lobber]

As well as many more besides.

Pardon me, DBB English-Nazi, master of all that is grammar and spelling, but didn't you just end this sentence in a preposition?

[Iceman]

Whoever remains in the possibles pile gets an interview.

To me, it doesn't matter WHAT they wrote in the application - I'm not even slightly interested in the content. Nor do I care how much is in their CV. Simply by supplying a single page CV (Printed on both sides), and an error free application they will guarantee themselves an interview.

When they arive, I prety much have decided within 2 minuts of meeting them wether they have a job with us or not. I don't care what people where to an enterview: as long as their cloths are cleen, and they smell OK, and if they're male, have shaved.

I am not unusual en my hiring methods.

These jobs begin at $30 an hour, for 40 hours a weak, with 4 weeks annual leave. Overtime is time-and-a-half.

So just keep on thinking your bad speling doesn't mater, or that not putin an apostrophe in "don't" doesn't mater.

I count sixteen spelling errors in that passage Mobius.

$10 Says he goes back and edits his post to correct them.

[Dedman]

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD

Well, it's s-h-i-t ... that's right, s-h-i-t!
S-h-i-t may just be the most functional word in the English language.

Consider:
You can get s-h-i-t-faced, Be s-h-i-t-out-of-luck, Or have s-h-i-t for brains.

With a little effort, you can get your s-h-i-t together, find a place for your s-h-i-t, or be asked to s-h-i-t or get off the pot.

You can smoke s-h-i-t, buy s-h-i-t, sell s-h-i-t, lose s-h-i-t, find s-h-i-t, forget s-h-i-t,
and tell others to eat s-h-i-t.

Some people know their s-h-i-t, while others can't tell the difference
between s-h-i-t and shineola.

There are lucky s-h-i-ts, dumb s-h-i-ts, and crazy s-h-i-ts. There is bull s-h-i-t,
horse s-h-i-t, and chicken s-h-i-t.

You can throw s-h-i-t, sling s-h-i-t, catch s-h-i-t, shoot the s-h-i-t,
or duck when the s-h-i-t hits the fan.

You can give a s-h-i-t or serve s-h-i-t on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep s-h-i-t or be happier than a pig in s-h-i-t.

Some days are colder than s-h-i-t, some days are hotter than s-h-i-t,
and some days are just plain s-h-i-tty.

Some music sounds like s-h-i-t, things can look like s-h-i-t, and there ar! e times when you feel like s-h-i-t.

You can have too much s-h-i-t, not enough s-h-i-t, the right s-h-i-t, the wrong s-h-i-t or a lot of weird s-h-i-t.

You can carry s-h-i-t, have a mountain of s-h-i-t, or find yourself up s-h-i-t creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to s-h-i-t and other times you fall in a bucket of s-h-i-t and come out smelling like a rose.


When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your s-h-i-t, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a s-h-i-t; or not do so if you don't give a s-h-i-t!

Well, S-h-i-t, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a s-h-i-t and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of s-h-i-t. But, if you happened to catch a load of s-h-i-t from some s-h-i-t-head..........Well, S-h-i-t Happens!!!

[Flabby Chick]

What a load a crap!!!!

[Admiral Thrawn]

Mobious, don't me me talk about my relations with your girlfriend again.

[JMEaT]

10 dollars an hour sheep money is like 30 dollars an hour here...

[Krom]

http://www.x-rates.com/d/NZD/table.html

[JMEaT]

http://www.x-rates.com/d/NZD/table.html

If I could accurately decipher that chart I would offer a response. Seeing as how I cannot, instead you get:

[El Ka Bong]

But, as Mobius tried to say, "if you can't even speak your own Fukking Language" (a Frank Zappa Quote), then yes, you'll end up with limited choices. Knowing how to write in your own language is the same thing.

[Unix]

I am currently employing new 3 programmers for our company, and this is what I do...

Wow, Mobi. You've got some new 3 programmers huh? Is 3 the new binary?

[Top Wop]

Male menopause hitting you early Mobius?



Ya I know its old already, it will be its last appearance before I come up with something new.

[Jeff250]

considering your topic is grammatically incorrect, i can't believe a word of what you just said.

it should be: Spelling, punctuation and grammar. there's no comma before the end dumbass

Whup is right, unless grammar is different in the southern hemisphere.

This is called a "serial comma." It is optional, i.e. it is not required to be used but not incorrect to be used. At worst, it is an extra character. At best, it removes ambiguity. Some people think that one way or the other is chic too.

As well as many more besides.

Pardon me, DBB English-Nazi, master of all that is grammar and spelling, but didn't you just end this sentence in a preposition?

I think that in this instance "besides" is being used as an adverb.

[Herculosis]

considering your topic is grammatically incorrect, i can't believe a word of what you just said.

it should be: Spelling, punctuation and grammar. there's no comma before the end dumbass

Whup is right, unless grammar is different in the southern hemisphere.

Maybe you should volunteer as a proofreader at a publishing company or local newspaper. It might help you loosen up that sphincter.

Actually, according to Corbett's "The Little Rhetoric & Handbook" (my bible on such matters), the comma before the "and" in a series of words is the PREFERRED method. They list the sans-last-comma version as an "acceptible" alternate form.

[Dedman]

Knowing how to write in your own language is the same thing.

No it's not.

At its most basic level, writing is nothing more than a way to transfer data from one person to another. There is a set of rules such as spelling, grammar, and punctuation that make it easier to understand what another has written.

Sometimes the form is very important. When using a programming language for instance, the computer only knows what you wrote, not what you intended. In that case, form is as important as content.

Sometimes the content is very important. When you are stranded on an island the content of the rescue note you stuff into the bottle is far more important than if you misplaced a comma.

The trick is to know when content or form is more important. If you believe Mobius, form is always paramount. I would disagree with that argument. It depends on the situation and desired outcome.

Iâ??ll tell you this though; if Mobi is ever stuck on a deserted island and his rescue note has even one error in it, I am going to throw it directly in the trash.

[Stryker]

I suggest that we build a time machine and send Mobius and everyone else here too back to the days of Geoffrey Chaucer. That would be an interesting field trip... with Mobius screaming every time he saw a piece of paper.

[El Ka Bong]

Most often you talk just like you write: How many of you go to the "libary", drink "melk" or have to take the "ambliance' to the hospital, or admire the foilage on the trees...? People I know who say those words like that actually spell that way too.

Or, what did Mobius say about ebonics, in past DBB threads..?

http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/ebonics.htm

http://www.atlantaga.com/ebonics.htm

[Top Gun]

So...did anyone else count how many times Mobius completely ignored any sense of subject-verb agreement? I'm counting one "consigns" instead of "consign" after a series of items connected by "and." Oh, and there's an "isn't" instead of an "aren't" in the same situation. But wait, there's more...we have the use of "is" with the subject "pages;" he also used "that" instead of "those" as the demonstrative adjective. Congratulations, Mobius; you've just earned the title of "DBB Hypocritical Jackass." I hope that you're proud of yourself.

[Top Gun]

Once more, with feeling!