Best Insults

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 1:19 am

I'll start:

You couldn't pour sand out of a boot without instructions printed on the heel.

jakee308 · Post by **jakee308** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 2:01 am

you're as funny as a fart in an aqua lung.

Jon the Great · Post by **Jon the Great** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 2:21 am

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

HaAGen DaZS · Post by **HaAGen DaZS** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 3:32 am

Yer' maw's got baws 'n' yer da's jelous!

try it with a scottish accent.

Hahnenkam · Post by **Hahnenkam** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 6:20 am

You're so ugly you could make a freight train take a dirt road.

CUDA · Post by **CUDA** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:05 am

your as sharp as a marble

you tiny brained whiper of other peoples bottoms

if my dog had a face like yours, Id shave its butt and teach it to walk backwards

Genghis · Post by **Genghis** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:27 am

You couldn't get a woman if you were a chocolate-covered millionaire with a fistful of new shoes.

TheCope · Post by **TheCope** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:35 am

You make me sick, your baptism was satanic.

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 8:07 am

Your mother wears combat boots.

I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you --it's against my morals to attack an unarmed person.

Yeah, I'd love to **** your brains out, but apparently someone BEAT ME TO IT!

Are your parents cousins?

What's the best sex position for making ugly babies?
Ask Your Mom!

Your teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter.

I know cement that gets hard faster than you.

Tell your mother to stop wearing different colored lipstick, I am getting a damn rainbow around my ****.

Go floss your teeth with the sweaty hairs on my ass.

Nice face...what are you going to do when the baboon wants his ass back

Do your parents know your gay?

Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast?"

Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having
met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til
I met you."

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but
wonder: What the ★■◆● was I thinking?"

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it
for me."

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the
need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before
this!"

"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this
knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are
bigger than mine."

"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike!

"Congratulations on getting Married! It's not every day you decide to ruin
your life!"

"I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected. While I'm
dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly."

"Sex with you is like using drugs. Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid
enough to admit it."

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've
broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So
here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."

"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the
father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was
only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"If you didn't have any money, I'd still love you. And miss you very much."

"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday---so
we're having you put to sleep."

You are so ugly the last time you got a piece of
ass was when your hand slipped through the toilet
paper.

CDN_Merlin · Post by **CDN_Merlin** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 8:58 am

You couldn't tell your (_O_) from a hole in the ground.

You are clueless about being clueless.

will_kill · Post by **will_kill** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 9:58 am

thumpin' a lit ciggy in there face then open hand ::smack:: followed by any of the lines above

sorry, could'nt think of any good ones that were'nt taken

edit: kid's, don't try this one @home...I went to jail when I did it

Krom · Post by **Krom** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 10:26 am

Your not the brightest bulb even on a burnt out string.

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 10:33 am

Lady, a dog hump'n my leg is more of a turn on than you are.

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 1:15 pm

Did you think of that when you were drunk?

Knowing you went to therapy explains a lot.

Grendel · Post by **Grendel** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 1:28 pm

You got the nature of diarrhea and the breeding of a magot.

Image · Post by **Image** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 2:08 pm

You smell like dog wizz.
...

(LAME!

)

Testiculese · Post by **Testiculese** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 4:57 pm

The 'finest ★■◆●' you ever had sweated through it's tongue.

Behemoth · Post by **Behemoth** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:02 pm

i did your mom in the *** and you came out

Nexus_One · Post by **Nexus_One** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:03 pm

You are the poster child for pro-choice.

(Mom to son) I should have swallowed you when I had the chance!

You are living proof that there is reproduction through anal sex.

Darkside Heartless · Post by **Darkside Heartless** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:41 pm

If your brain was on the edge of a razorblade, it would look like a BB on a 4 lane highway.

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

If brains were money, and elephant pelts a dime a dozen you couldn't afford to make a speedo for a flea.

Money! · Post by **Money!** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 9:05 pm

I'm drawing a blank here...

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 9:28 pm

When I saw you on the street, I thought the firefighteres missed a burn victim.

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 9:44 pm

yOUR NOT THE BRIGHTEST CRAYON IN THE STACK ...

yOUR NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED.

Money! · Post by **Money!** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 9:47 pm

Ferno wrote:When I saw you on the street, I thought the firefighteres missed a burn victim.

Damnit Ferno I liked your first response more. For some reason I was cracking up like all hell about it.

You're so stupid you can't leave well enough alone.

Money! · Post by **Money!** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 9:48 pm

Iceman wrote:yOUR NOT THE BRIGHTEST CRAYON IN THE STACK ...

yOUR NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED.

You're so stupid you can't spell and you sometimes have Caps Lock on when you don't really know it.

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 9:52 pm

you're so low in the insult bank you're resorting to waving your internet penis around.

Money! · Post by **Money!** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 9:54 pm

Lol I am pretty low at the moment.

Image · Post by **Image** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 11:00 pm

Look over there! *points* ...Good boy!

and something someone actually said to me:

Descent sux balls. Big, hairy ape balls.

The NERVE!!!

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 1:17 am

descent does suck balls

suicide eddie · Post by **suicide eddie** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 3:55 am

and all these directed at mobi wow

Diedel · Post by **Diedel** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 7:04 am

Someone shat in your brains and forgot to stir.

Do you know how to bring your brains to pea size? Inflate it!

I've got bad news for you: There's no cure for intelligence allergy!

Obviously you're poikilothermic: Your IQ aligns itself with your enviroment's temperature - measured in centigrade.

Darkside Heartless wrote:If your brain was on the edge of a razorblade, it would look like a BB on a 4 lane highway.

Best one imho!

De Rigueur · Post by **De Rigueur** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 8:04 am

Bad breath is one thing, but you could knock a buzzard off a sh17-wagon. George Carlin

Image · Post by **Image** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 11:08 am

Vertigo 99 wrote:descent does suck balls

(hehe)

______________________________________________________

Get a life and stop playing with yourself in your spare time.

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 1:05 pm

Image wrote:
Vertigo 99 wrote:descent does suck balls
[ban me image]
(hehe)

______________________________________________________

Get a life and stop playing with yourself in your spare time.

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 1:14 pm

Guys!

What happened?

I asked for "Best Insults"!

I specifically did not ask for "Lame-a55 insults".

I didn't ask for "Boring, stupid, childish insults".

Look, here's what I mean:

Winston Churhcill:

Woman: Sir! If you were my husband, I would poison your tea!
WC: Madame! If I were your husband, I would drink it!

-------

â??You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk.â?

Krom · Post by **Krom** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 1:15 pm

You are not worthy of a "Best Insult".

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 3:01 pm

Oral gratification may be done in a myriad of manners.

Grendel · Post by **Grendel** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 3:42 pm

Mobius wrote:See?

These are genuine insults.

"You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny" is **NOT** an insult. It's LAME. It's PATHETIC.

Now, please try harder.

How about you lead ? Your first post clearly didn't fall into the category you're talking about now.

DCrazy · Post by **DCrazy** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 4:52 pm

This post should have been titled "Name the exact insults I am thinking of".

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 5:03 pm

ahh.. an insult directed at mobius.

okay...

you sir, are such a horrible excuse for a human being, that every time you spew the verbal diarrhea that exits what you call a mouth, I always experience a very sharp stabbing pain, as if an icepick has been hammered into my temple. It is so bad that you should be arrested for the mental torture you have perpetrated on myself and society in general.