A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco.
Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"$12 for the rat, $100 for the story," says the owner.
The tourist gives the man $12. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun following him down the street. This is disconcerting, and he begins walking faster.
But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now number in the MILLIONS, and are squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the water as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all drowned.
The man walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "you have come back for the story?"
"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat."
The Rat
Yeah the beauty of that joke you can insert what you want.
And now on to beer...
A man comes in from work one evening and asks his wife in a rush, "honey can you get me a beer before it starts"
then about 20 minutes later he asks his wife, "Honey can you get me another beer before it starts" and she says, "Oookay" and gets him another one...
About 20 more minutes pass and the man says, "Honey, how about another beer before it starts?"
By this time the woman is pissed off and says, "You come home from work and don't even give me a hug, then you sit your a__ down on this recliner without helping out around here, and all you want me to do is bring you beers!!!?"
The guy replies....
"It started"
And now on to beer...
A man comes in from work one evening and asks his wife in a rush, "honey can you get me a beer before it starts"
then about 20 minutes later he asks his wife, "Honey can you get me another beer before it starts" and she says, "Oookay" and gets him another one...
About 20 more minutes pass and the man says, "Honey, how about another beer before it starts?"
By this time the woman is pissed off and says, "You come home from work and don't even give me a hug, then you sit your a__ down on this recliner without helping out around here, and all you want me to do is bring you beers!!!?"
The guy replies....
"It started"
-
Hattrick
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haha!
Nice
and here's a late halloween joke.
The Cab Driver and Nun
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
OK the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfils the cab driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Nice
and here's a late halloween joke.
The Cab Driver and Nun
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
OK the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfils the cab driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
