Life of a Pilot:

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 6:43 pm

Subject: Life of a Pilot

In his book, "Sled Driver, SR-71," Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes: "I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope.

I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its ground speed."90 knots" Center replied.

Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120
knots," Center answered.

We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty52 requests ground speed readout." There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause.

As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater.

It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us?" There was a longer than normal pause.... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots" (That's about 2004.658 mph who don't know). No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 600 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?

The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it; we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351:"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a MD80 passenger jet landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

Some quick-witted comedian in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back
with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another landing like the one you just made and I'll have enough parts for another one."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 8:28 pm

They're good.

Now where is that "squawkies" fighter p[ilot thing??

Aaaah yep - here we are: HERE

Will Robinson · Post by **Will Robinson** » Tue Mar 16, 2004 8:52 pm

"...The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

lol!

Wang_Lo · Post by **Wang_Lo** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 12:39 am

oh mobius that is great

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 4:21 am

We had one a whle back that was in the same vein as the ones Mobius posted.

P: Pilot reports no joy on aircraft
S: Joy has been installed

We got a kick out of that one.

Darkside Heartless · Post by **Darkside Heartless** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 1:42 pm

oooh SR-71's! best airplane ever.
It does three times the speed of sound crusing without afterburners.
I could go on all day, but I don't feel like typing.

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 7:48 pm

AceCombat wrote:Subject: Life of a Pilot

"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?

my favorite out of those

BUBBALOU · Post by **BUBBALOU** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 8:30 pm

"Turn right for Sequencing...." would be the correct Phraseology.. the pilot understands that instruction and would not question it because it would relate to traffic. but a ARTCC controller would never use abatement term.. so I doubt the validity of that statement.. But anyways

Noise abatement is for departures and/or arrivals and also would be in the NOTAMS.

If a pilot questioned that ATCS's instructions a REAL controller would have Transmitted:

"Flight 2341 : turn right 45 degrees immidiately, without delay.. OVER"

any question to that instruction would have lead to an incident report being filed

A controller that Transmits "HIT" over the air would have been pulled off position, gone for a bloodtest, and be suspended. HE would have received less heat for saying $hiz over the air

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 8:40 pm

bubba, those are not meant to be real life radio logs: they are surely intended to make aviation hobbiest laugh.

BUBBALOU · Post by **BUBBALOU** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 3:30 am

Guess you missed the "But anyways" and "REAL controller" and "bloodtest" way above your mental level using ATCS humor, DorkCombat

KompresZor · Post by **KompresZor** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 7:00 am

BUBBALOU wrote:Guess you missed the "But anyways" and "REAL controller" and "bloodtest" way above your mental level using ATCS humor, DorkCombat

Guess I missed it too, looked more like you were trying to put Ace down and make yourself look superior.

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 7:55 am

thats what i was thinking

Warlock · Post by **Warlock** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 8:26 am

i wish i could fly

Scorch · Post by **Scorch** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 8:38 am

but you can, Warlock! All you have to do is trip and miss the ground!

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 12:19 pm

Warlock wrote:i wish i could fly

why cant you? is it your dislexyia <--( However you spell that )

you can still take introduction flights with a instructor and still get the fun and excitement out of flying a plane.

Warlock · Post by **Warlock** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 1:22 pm

1. i ware glasses... well that can be fix
2. i cant see jack at night cause i have nightblindness

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 1:27 pm

Glasses are no problem. Nightblindness may be a big problem. There is a new sportsmans class certificate now. I don't know the requirements. It may be that it is VFR only. If that is the case maybe nightblindness isn't an issue. You might want to check into it.

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 5:00 pm

yah, glasses no problem.

VFR Only flights is okay AFAIK, Bubba, verify this, Glasses on a Clear day VFR Rules = Flyable <--?

roid · Post by **roid** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 10:34 pm

i can't fly either. you're not allowed to fly a plane if you are on insulin. it's stupid, i could go into a coma while flying (pff as if).

mind you, i have had some "interesting" drives in my car coz of insulin.

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 6:21 pm

roid wrote:i can't fly either. you're not allowed to fly a plane if you are on insulin. it's stupid, i could go into a coma while flying (pff as if).

mind you, i have had some "interesting" drives in my car coz of insulin.

and you wonder why you arent allowed to fly......just think if you had a "interesting" flight and you wind up plowing your plane into a house or a commercial building........

BUBBALOU · Post by **BUBBALOU** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 10:11 pm

Correctable 20/20 is the requirement

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 10:48 pm

i knew it was 20/20, just wanted to make sure it was correctable or not

BUBBALOU · Post by **BUBBALOU** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 6:14 am

AceCombat wrote:and you wonder why you arent allowed to fly......just think if you had a "interesting" flight and you wind up plowing your plane into a house or a commercial building........

but it is AOK to _________ and FLY :

Drink
Have heart attack or history of heart disease
Be mentally Challanged ( look at Ace )
Be In the witness protection program
HAve No arms, Hands or Feet
Smoke Crack, Pot, Snort Cocaine or shoot up
Sleep
And the list goes on and on

yet someone who controlls their diebeties cannot...Intresting (BTW Type 2 diabetics are allowed to fly)

MD-2389 · Post by **MD-2389** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 2:46 pm

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

hahahah

Thats just golden.

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 3:38 pm

BUBBALOU wrote:
but it is AOK to _________ and FLY :

Drink
Have heart attack or history of heart disease
Be mentally Challanged ( look at Ace )
Be In the witness protection program
HAve No arms, Hands or Feet
Smoke Crack, Pot, Snort Cocaine or shoot up
Sleep
And the list goes on and on

yet someone who controlls their diebeties cannot...Intresting (BTW Type 2 diabetics are allowed to fly)

oh shutup bubba, you wish that list applied to me

roid · Post by **roid** » Sat Mar 20, 2004 8:28 pm

AceCombat wrote:
roid wrote:i can't fly either. you're not allowed to fly a plane if you are on insulin. it's stupid, i could go into a coma while flying (pff as if).

mind you, i have had some "interesting" drives in my car coz of insulin.

and you wonder why you arent allowed to fly......just think if you had a "interesting" flight and you wind up plowing your plane into a house or a commercial building........

well when my blood sugars rapidly drop while driving a car, i suddenly start rally drift driving. (this once happened while i was LEARNING to drive, the instructor's expression was a kodak moment)

when playing flying pc games, when blood sugars rapidly drop i end up hugging the ground really tight performing flybys to EVERYTHING i can. eventually crashing.

so yeah, it'd be a good idea to not let me fly

.
but the reason they GIVE for not letting me fly is "you could go into a coma while flying" which is rediculous. i havn't gone into a coma even once, yet .(been close sometimes, but definitely not while driving)

Life of a Pilot:

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