25 things women dont know.

[Top Wop]

Forum is going stale so its time to spice things up:

Women think they already know everything, but wait…training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem…Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

[ccb056]

[TechPro]

[Flabby Chick]

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

Agggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!Why oh why oh why do they do that. Then i get slagged off for going to the bar to watch the game.

Man U v Milan...Semi-final, tonight...Flabby becomes ape-like!!!!!!

[Richard Cranium]

Man, if we aren't carful this could end up in the E&C forum.

[Top Wop]

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBreast will cost $499 or $599 depending on cup size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

[Krom]

Haha Top Wop. I forget when that quote started circulating on the net, but in the context of this thread its brilliant!

[TechPro]

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBreast will cost $499 or $599 depending on cup size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

[Sirius]

Unfortunately a lot of it is based on stereotypes that don't reflect reality, which makes it less funny than it could be.

And uh, bran is actually something a lot of men could do with more of.

[Top Wop]

Unfortunately a lot of it is based on stereotypes that don't reflect reality, which makes it less funny than it could be.

And uh, bran is actually something a lot of men could do with more of.

What are you some kind of feminist?

[Kiran]

Women think they already know everything, but wait…training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

Men and Cars: Men talk too much about cars, so women have to talk a lot to get their mind off the cars.

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposit

The Undiscovered Side of Baking: Bank Employees are mostly women.

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

New outfits? Make your own set of outfits!

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

Agreed. Descent before minor household chores.

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

Solution: Build another cabinet

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

And her razor is HERS... no matter how much better it is than his!

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

Tears- One of the many ways a girl shows her love for him

8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking

Um, yeah, like a lot of men don't have that problem too?

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

Getting what you want after pouting and talking sweet

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

Driving a car safely: A skill some men CAN'T keep.

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

Hang up when needed. Hang up when an ex calls. Hang up when an emergency occurs. But NEVER hang up on a significant other, even if you've been on the phone with him for hours. If he wants to talk, let him talk

12. Introduction to Parking

Hey guys, quit double-parking, will ya?

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

You're looking at the best skilled back parker in this area

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

What does this has to do with us?

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

We're all for it!

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

Cooking II: Eating healthy (Though I agree on the tofu part! Bleh! )

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

Cooking III: How to cook healthy meals that EVERYONE will enjoy!
Cooking tip: Eat until you are comfortably full and if he wants to stuff himself, let him.

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

Compliments 101 for men: Try not to compliment us while looking at our bust and we'll accept them.

19. PMS: Your Problem…Not His

PMS: GET USED TO IT!

20. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To

Dancing: Section one 1: Why men don't dance-because most women are already doing the dance for them. Those who do dance- they're great!

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

Classic Clothing for Men: Don't wear the same clothes three times a week without washing. They are ruined sooner.

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

Can't blame women for wanting the house to be in best condifiton for their significant other.

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

But first, send the guys to the clothing store so you'll have clothes available when all of yours are ruined by the dyes that came off the clothes and mixed with the others.

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

That's new.

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

Ever wonder why men have big bellies? It's because of the TV Remote.

[Kiran]

Unfortunately a lot of it is based on stereotypes that don't reflect reality, which makes it less funny than it could be.

And uh, bran is actually something a lot of men could do with more of.

What are you some kind of feminist?

Sirius' right, actually. Most of these quotes does not reflect us.
And where did the gas and oil thing come from? I've not heard of that O-o

[Sirius]

It's supposed to reflect that women \"don't know anything about cars\". That's better than being obsessed with them though; IMHO that sort need a more productive hobby.

On retrospect, I suppose there must be male feminists out there somewhere, but I'm not actually one of them. The idea is kind of ... weird.

(Well, depending on the meaning of feminism anyway... if it's simply equality that's not terribly surprising.)

[Hattrick]

Don't you just love it when a joke thread starts getting serious discussion?

ok you getting serious types heres what you do.

click start
click turn off computer
click ok.

get out of chair
walk to front door
step outside
breath deep the fresh air
stay there til you don't take things so seriously.

crap! now 'all have me doing it.
/me follows instructions above!

[Krom]

I think people taking joke threads like these too seriously make the thread all the more funny.

[Top Wop]

Sirius, his isnt Berkley. Like all jokes, they are not to be taken seriously. If this is what you do all the time then I wonder how you get around in a city.

Working on cars not a productive hobby? That is the most ignorant statement I have read yet on the DBB. That statement has no intelligence whatsoever. Stop by any track/strip near your area and have a good look to see for yourself how 'productive' working on cars can be. Better yet, go out and buy a tool set, then a factory service manual from Chiltons for about 15 bucks for yoru car and do your own repairs. Not only is working on your own car rewarding, you save money which you can spend on 'more productive' things.

God Almighty, ONLY on the DBB does this type of nonsense happen. Could you ether just let it die or get back on topic please? If you want to break out Robert's Rules and turn this into a formal debate then start a new thread and dont threadcrap in others. Thank you!

[TIGERassault]

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

And her razor is HERS... no matter how much better it is than his!

Dude...
I SERIOUSLY do not want to know what your boyfriend is in to!!

[Foil]

Well, continuing with the theme of funny gender stereotypes....



Courses available for men on the following topics:

1. Ego: What Your 84\" Widescreen Plasma Says About You

2. Conversation: Breaking the Three-Word Barrier

3. Sports: Why Watching TV Doesn't Make You An Athlete

4. Cars: Ten Hours a Day, Hobby or Obsession?

5. Cooking: Beyond Mac & Cheese

6. Listening: When \"That's Nice\" Doesn't Cut It

7. Personal Hygiene: When Once a Week Isn't Enough

8. Commitment: You CAN Do It!

9. Doing the Dishes: Avoid Scraping Last Week's Pizza

10. Dating: Why Belching Doesn't Impress

11. Head: Which One To Think With

12. Maturity: It Doesn't Just Apply to Security Bonds

13. Emotion: Cold Logic Can't Fix Everything

14. Film: Conan the Barbarian Is Not the Greatest Movie Ever

[Top Wop]

14. Film: Conan the Barbarian Is Not the Greatest Movie Ever

Know what? You are right. It isnt. Gladiator is the greatest movie ever!

[Sirius]

Working on cars not a productive hobby? That is the most ignorant statement I have read yet on the DBB. That statement has no intelligence whatsoever. Stop by any track/strip near your area and have a good look to see for yourself how 'productive' working on cars can be. Better yet, go out and buy a tool set, then a factory service manual from Chiltons for about 15 bucks for yoru car and do your own repairs. Not only is working on your own car rewarding, you save money which you can spend on 'more productive' things.

Uh huh. I'm not talking about fixing your own car - that's fine but isn't necessarily a good use of time depending on skill set - I'm talking about ricers. They tend to be obsessed with cars ... quite a bit ... and that isn't exactly a productive activity - especially not because people can get killed because they drive their cars like idiots.

I'm not sure "threadcrap" is as appropriate as that a few people couldn't take the insinuation that some of the gags aren't particularly funny. I can sympathise with a few... but damn...

[[]V[]essenjah]

Must.... get.... personality. People like you better.



The more you know....

[Sergeant Thorne]

Foil, are you sure you're not a woman?

3. Sports: Why Watching TV Doesn't Make You An Athlete

Now that's funny!

[Foil]

Foil, are you sure you're not a woman?

*Checks inside pants*

Yep, I'm sure.

[Duper]

Foil, are you sure you're not a woman?

*Checks inside pants*

Yep, I'm sure.

someone could have changed that while you were asleep. ..happens to me all the time.


..er.. wait..

[Richard Cranium]

someone could have changed that while you were asleep. ..happens to me all the time.

..er.. wait..

So is it Duper-et now? Can we start calling you Ms., Mrs., or Miss?

[Deathwinger]

It is not a question of whether they are feminist or women...it is a question of how much they are controlled by women. To think anything else they would be slaughtered by such women.

[Dedman]

I think the biggest thing women don't know about men is that we are not at all complicated.

Women, if you can't figure us out, you're thinking too hard!

[TIGERassault]

I think the biggest thing women don't know about men is that we are not at all complicated.

Women, if you can't figure us out, you're thinking too hard!

Wrong! I think the biggest thing men don't know about women is that they're just about as smart as each other!
And a lot of men have trouble figuring out how to open a can of beans!