De-sensitized? :-(

CDN_Merlin · Post by **CDN_Merlin** » Mon Jan 21, 2008 7:29 pm

Just while driving back home from cousins place, a cop stopped me on my street(had no choice, they blocked the street almost) and told me I can't get thru because of an accident.

I told them I live in the buildings, she said that's where the accident happened. She told me to be careful because there was debris everywhere. She wasn't kidding. It seems a Corrola hit a snow bank or something and slid about 200 ft and landed on it's hood. Only saw one car but it didn't faze me at all.

I see to many times, people pass others on the right on my street because the car ahead is turning left into the driveway of the building. I bet this time, they tried to go around and were going to fast and hit the snow bank???

We live in a sad world when we don't think \"I hope they are ok\". Or is it just me?

JMEaT · Post by **JMEaT** » Mon Jan 21, 2008 8:37 pm

I am the same way. I drove for a living for 6 years, now I commute 2 hours a day to and from work. I've seen some pretty screwed up stuff.

Worst that happened to me was a little sports car hit me going about 90MPH (side swipe). They were zipping through traffic recklessly in an attempt to beat rush hour traffic. His car flipped more times than I can remember. The 2 boys in the car lived, but had to squeeze through the moonroof of their tin can remains of a car to get out. They were bleeding from the head into their eyes badly, bawling. They were probably 16-17. It was their mom's car.

They, and I, were lucky to be alive. There was minimal damage to my car, and none to me.

Bet51987 · Post by **Bet51987** » Mon Jan 21, 2008 9:33 pm

I'm the opposite. I feel bad whenever I see an accident but I haven't been driving that long to see anything serious. I feel bad just seeing dead animals on the road.

Interesting if it's conditioning that makes you feel that way. Have you seen many?

Bee

Kiran · Post by **Kiran** » Mon Jan 21, 2008 9:50 pm

I've only been driving for 5 years but I have seen enough to make me very alert and cautious whenever I am on the road. I have seen too many people drive so recklessly here that I have a bit of road rage going on whenever someone pulls a reckless move that could have led to a fatal accident had other drivers not been paying attention. I get ticked off too easily when that happens. Used to be panick attacks the first couple years of driving and I had very good reasons to panic (although it's not a good when I'm behind the wheel).

I have lost 5 classmates in separate car accidents before I graduated high school. Reckless driving, not DUI, was the factor.

Fortunately, I have not been involved in any road accidents or even witnessed one. But I've passed many terrible accidents that would make me get on-line later that day and hope that the news report the people in the accidents are okay.

I really, really hate it when people drive so recklessly. I might do a bit of crazy driving here and there, but I would never, ever, do anything that could possibly get me in a wreck that could take a life. Patience is the key to being able to live another day.

Money! · Post by **Money!** » Mon Jan 21, 2008 10:29 pm

I used to drive crazy all the time. I remember driving home from school once I hit 125 on a busy freeway. If I wasn't driving that fast I'd be going about 100 weaving in and out of traffic racing my friends. It used to be the most fun thing in the world. I eventually toasted that car (cracked a head gasket) and got a new, slower one. It's taught me the pleasure of driving slow and proper. I can't imagine driving like I used to. It would scare the crap outta me. Luckily I haven't had any friends (or myself) taken by this kind of driving. All my friends and I used to drive like this. My friend got a 110mph speeding ticket though.

Spaceboy · Post by **Spaceboy** » Mon Jan 21, 2008 10:35 pm

Money! wrote: My friend got a 110mph speeding ticket though.

lmao

roid · Post by **roid** » Mon Jan 21, 2008 10:49 pm

CDN_Merlin wrote:Just while driving back home from cousins place, a cop stopped me on my street(had no choice, they blocked the street almost) and told me I can't get thru because of an accident.

I told them I live in the buildings, she said that's where the accident happened. She told me to be careful because there was debris everywhere. She wasn't kidding. It seems a Corrola hit a snow bank or something and slid about 200 ft and landed on it's hood. Only saw one car but it didn't faze me at all.

I see to many times, people pass others on the right on my street because the car ahead is turning left into the driveway of the building. I bet this time, they tried to go around and were going to fast and hit the snow bank???

We live in a sad world when we don't think "I hope they are ok". Or is it just me?

The world has been sadder.

through history we have been desensitised in little alcoves, and re-sensitised again when we come back into contact with a harsh reality around us.
in the old days people used to be hacked to death in tribal conflicts all the time. Live in THAT time and you'd be desensitised.

i think anyone who doesn't care is more in touch with reality. In living memory we still have millions killed in genocides. That's real. If it phases you then you're probably not in touch with reality - not necessarily a good thing.

We can all live in ivory towers, pretending ppl dying is so horrible and must be stopped at all costs yada yada yada - if we really cared so much as we let on, we'd be doing something about it, so don't kid yourselves. The world goes on around us, killing and maiming regardless of our outof-touch sensititve sensibilities. By looking down at people who are desensitised - i believe WE are the ones who are outof touch.

(personal attack pre-empt: i havn't said if i'm desensitised or not)

Foil · Post by **Foil** » Mon Jan 21, 2008 11:50 pm

Bet51987 wrote:Interesting if it's conditioning that makes you feel that way.

I'd say it has a lot to do with conditioning, yeah.

When I was a teenager, I was in a wreck where someone almost lost their life. I was pretty much okay, but in a sort of dazed shock for a while.

I suppose I've also been driving long enough to see my share of bad wreck aftermaths (one in which I and some others stopped, but there wasn't much we could do), so I'm probably a bit de-sensitized, myself.

....

I wonder, does the same apply to seeing poverty, or abuse? I can remember times seeing the plight of someone who was asking for food (a few times I was able to help), or the time in high school I remember a guy I saw being rough with his girlfriend (I felt like beating the crap out of him)... I wonder if I'm a bit numb to it now, if I take notice as often as I did or not. Honestly, I probably don't.

AlphaDoG · Post by **AlphaDoG** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 5:45 am

As I was driving from Colorado to Missouri November before last (2006) I witnessed a horrific crash between a semi truck and a small (even smaller after the crash) car. Somehow I was lucky enough to avoid the crash and all of the resulting debris. The only thing I could think of was, \"I'm sure glad I got through that before the highway was shut down by the Highway Patrol.\"

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:14 am

working my lifeline job (that i no longer do).... seeing blood and guts have no effect on me, fear of death is non-existant, and feeling sad for those who are injured in such accidents is not there.

im sorry if its cruel, but hey.... in the ATL.......especially the part of ATL im from.... just about all accidents are caused by stupid and ignorant drivers.

CUDA · Post by **CUDA** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 7:36 am

I work in the auto collision industry, I see 250-300 wrecks a month. nothing pisses me off more than freakin rubber neckers on the freeway, especially on the opposite side. pay attention and DRIVE YOUR DAMN CAR its just a car wreck

Testiculese · Post by **Testiculese** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 8:11 am

There are 6 billion people on the planet. 1 screws up. Why should anyone care if they don't know them? I don't see anyone tearing up over the 10,000 children that died today, how is one car accident (probably, statistically, caused by a moron) supposed to bring up any but the most fleeting of emotion?

How many of you watch the news? Of the few times I could bear watching the news, it's nothing but death and destruction. People skip church to watch it. It seems that people LIKE IT.

Strife · Post by **Strife** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 8:20 am

I also commute 2 hours to and from work. I work 2nd shift so when I get out some people are leaving the bars. It makes for an interesting drive home. I have to go down a non light 2 lane highway for about 30 miles when I leave work at 12am. At least once a week there is an accident... Mostly cars taking corners to quickly and ending upside down. I haven't seen any actually flip yet... But I have shown up close to a minute after its happened... like tires still turning and the people crawling out... Its a horrible thing that I don't stop... But at the time I just want to get home to be with the family.

CDN_Merlin · Post by **CDN_Merlin** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:29 am

Strife, here it is a criminal offense if you don't stop and help them if you are a certified CPR person.

Either way I'd stop and try to help. Problem is, you have to be careful. If you move the person and paralize them, they can sue you if they can prove you could of left them in the car until the paramedics arrived.

Sergeant Thorne · Post by **Sergeant Thorne** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 11:12 am

Roid, you're out of your mind.

I think we definitely should feel something. Not that we should lose control and start bawling every time we see someone suffering, but anyone who feels no sympathy or remorse in the face of tragedy is in a sad state. I've been there personally, and I could tell that it wasn't right. A lot of us are hardened in a bad way. In Ace Combat's case, it sounds like it was an unfortunate side-effect of a necessary job. But just because it happens doesn't mean it's healthy. I strongly believed we are better served to resist that kind of numbing.

I don't know about anyone else, but when something tragic happens and I'm there, I'm not interested in being in a state of shock or stupor. I want to be in a position to help, and that means having all of my faculties about me, including--and even especially--compassion. I've seen the difference, and there's no doubt in my mind which is better.

TIGERassault · Post by **TIGERassault** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:04 pm

Same here. And I found the amount of mourning over the September 11th attacks to be an insult to our race!

Krom · Post by **Krom** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:18 pm

There have been enough accidents, roll overs and running off the road on the corner in front of our house that I know how to deal with them quickly and efficiently. I deal with the immediate problem without getting involved or invested and get back to normal as soon as the last car pulls away.

Here is something else to think about, once someone ran off our corner and into a power pole which set off the airbags and everything. So what did the guy reach for immediately after the accident: the loaded handgun in the glove box. Do yourself a favor and don't move someone till you are sure they have to be moved and are unable to do so themselves, otherwise let them be.

Also call emergency services before you do anything else, no matter what is going on make that call, tell them where you are, explain the situation and get them rolling. It will take as little as 30 seconds for them to get what they need to know confirm your location and then they will let you hang up and attend to whatever needs attending to.

Deal with it, don't dwell on it.

Bet51987 · Post by **Bet51987** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:24 pm

Sergeant Thorne wrote:...especially--compassion. I've seen the difference, and there's no doubt in my mind which is better.

Although it makes me physically sick sometimes, I rather have it than not. Very nicely said.

Bee

Foil · Post by **Foil** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:34 pm

Sergeant Thorne wrote:I want to be in a position to help, and that means having all of my faculties about me, including--and even especially--compassion. I've seen the difference, and there's no doubt in my mind which is better.

x3

It's not an easy thing to have compassion when we're surrounded by tragedy (as Testi pointed out, it dominates the news). But it's certainly the better thing.

Lothar · Post by **Lothar** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:52 pm

Compassion is good. If every tragedy you ever come in contact with, you pass by without caring even if you could help, you're heartless. But, losing control of your emotions all the time is bad. If every tragedy you ever come in contact with makes you bawl, you're not \"sensitive\", you're unstable.

There's a happy medium between \"oh no, a crash, good thing I got through before the road was closed\" and \"oh no, a crash, someone could've possibly been injured and that ruins my day *waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah*\" The same is true for other types of tragedies. If you can help, help -- even if it's just by comforting someone. If you can't, move on and do something productive elsewhere. It's a big world; you can't emotionally invest in every tragedy (or every good thing) that ever happens.

CDN_Merlin · Post by **CDN_Merlin** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 4:34 pm

Found out tonight after speaking with my landlord that it was a woman driver and there were 2 women standing in the bus shelter when a piece of the car slammed into the glass pane and broke it. Not sure if anyone was hurt and she was alone on the road. It was also snow/ice free.

Top Wop · Post by **Top Wop** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:00 pm

I always feel concern for the people involved in an accident. I saw an accident where a biker got hit by an SUV (of course...), seeing his still body just laying there on the pavement gave me chills.

WillyP · Post by **WillyP** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 6:23 pm

There there...

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:40 pm

ROTFLMAO! WTF?!?!?

roid · Post by **roid** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 9:54 pm

Sergeant Thorne wrote:Roid, you're out of your mind.

I think we definitely should feel something. Not that we should lose control and start bawling every time we see someone suffering, but anyone who feels no sympathy or remorse in the face of tragedy is in a sad state. I've been there personally, and I could tell that it wasn't right. A lot of us are hardened in a bad way. In Ace Combat's case, it sounds like it was an unfortunate side-effect of a necessary job. But just because it happens doesn't mean it's healthy. I strongly believed we are better served to resist that kind of numbing.

I don't know about anyone else, but when something tragic happens and I'm there, I'm not interested in being in a state of shock or stupor. I want to be in a position to help, and that means having all of my faculties about me, including--and even especially--compassion. I've seen the difference, and there's no doubt in my mind which is better.

it's all good and well to say "oh we should all be more sensitive" when you're already dealing with this stuff fine. But there are those on the other side of the sensitivity scale who find their empathy paralysing.

Sergeant Thorne · Post by **Sergeant Thorne** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:30 pm

I have an answer for them too! They need to be less empathetic! [/Tongue-In-Cheek]

In my judgment it is equally harmful to be ruled by emotions.

I don't have the resources to solve the world's problems, so in the absence of my absolute and pervading wisdom, these people you speak of will just have to find the wisdom and volition to get a grip, or suffer the consequences.

Finally, if you have a point, the time to state it is now.

Aside from obviously taking up a contrary position, you're not making any sense.

roid · Post by **roid** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 5:18 am

Well i'm not going to stay quiet and give the impression that sensitive ppl don't exist. What good would that do.

Foil · Post by **Foil** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 9:25 am

*wonders if this should be in E&C*

Sorry for the possible sidetrack, but this has me thinking:

Is the typical lack of compassion partly due to Western culture, with all the glorified 'tough guys/girls'? John Wayne, saying things like, \"Don't apologize, it's a sign of weakness\"... What's-her-name in Kill Bill, saying, \"It's mercy, compassion, and forgiveness I lack; not rationality.\". It seems like compassion is the exception rather than the rule sometimes, and I wonder if it's partly a cultural thing.

CDN_Merlin · Post by **CDN_Merlin** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 10:09 am

I think our excess scenes on TV and in movies of stuff like this has played a role in our de-sensitization. We see to much of it and then we are like, yeah \"been there done that\" mentality.

Kiran · Post by **Kiran** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 10:27 am

In overpopulated and rundown parts of the cities in the US you'll find that if someone's being brutally raped or murdered out in the streets... people will turn their nose to the other side. A situation would go on and they will pretend that nothing is happening or that someone has already called the cops so they don't need to do anything about it. That sucks.

Wheeze87 · Post by **Wheeze87** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 1:26 pm

When i was younger, I used to play rugby a lot. My dad was driving me home from an away match one time, and we saw a car loose control, and fly head on into a tree on the side of the road. He must have been doing about 60-70 MPH. We were first on the scene, and it was a mess. My dad being a doctor, was very calm, parked his car infront of the wreckage, and told me to stay in the car. Well i couldnt help but look through the windows, and it was bad. The car contained a family. The father was driving, the mother was in the passanger seat, and there were three kids in the back, one of which was a baby, in a carry seat, and the other two must have been no older than 8. The baby was fine, the kids were screaming, both the mother and the father were unconcious. My dad was amazing, told me to call the ambulance, and fire brigade because he said the driver was pinned to his seat, the steering wheel was pressing down on his chest. My dad tried mostly to calm the children down, a few more people stopped to help out and together they told the kids to get out and get into one of the other parked cars.

The ambulance arrived so quickly, and the fire brigade shortly after and sure enough the had to cut the roof off, to get at the unconcious father.

just watching All of these people work on this helpless family was just astonishing, And to this day, whenever i drive past on accident on the road, i think back to that day, and the choas. It wasnt the drivers fault it was an unfortunate accident, but the help they recieved was phenomenal. i mean the ambulance crews did their job i suppose, but all the other people who stopped to help. Just makes me think, that people DO care still...

Of course most of the time it's not just an unfortunate accident, its wreckless drivers, And that really really gets to me, some people seem to think that cars are powerful weapons like knives and guns, its just a shame some people see it that way.

WillyP · Post by **WillyP** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:28 pm

Foil wrote: Is the typical lack of compassion partly due to Western culture, with all the glorified 'tough guys/girls'? John Wayne, saying things like, "Don't apologize, it's a sign of weakness"... What's-her-name in Kill Bill, saying, "It's mercy, compassion, and forgiveness I lack; not rationality.". It seems like compassion is the exception rather than the rule sometimes, and I wonder if it's partly a cultural thing.

Foil what US do you live in? Obviously not the one I do. Sure, there are a few, and they sometimes seem to get all the attention.
In a recent snow-storm, I saw a car that had gone off the highway and rolled on it's side in the meridian. There were four cars that stopped to help immediatly, all were 4X4 trucks/suvs. Last summer our Governor made the news for stopping to help an older woman who had a flat tire. And no, he is not up for re-election.

roid · Post by **roid** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 8:16 pm

Foil wrote:*wonders if this should be in E&C*

Sorry for the possible sidetrack, but this has me thinking:

Is the typical lack of compassion partly due to Western culture, with all the glorified 'tough guys/girls'? John Wayne, saying things like, "Don't apologize, it's a sign of weakness"... What's-her-name in Kill Bill, saying, "It's mercy, compassion, and forgiveness I lack; not rationality.". It seems like compassion is the exception rather than the rule sometimes, and I wonder if it's partly a cultural thing.

offtopic? Nah man that's central to the subject, i think it's what the OP was directly pointing at.
Also i think the USA election has been somewhat revealing about people's perception of "sensitivity".
With "Tough guy" political posturing being such a clichéd (imho) norm, it obviously works in attracting the votes of the masses.
My experience with people seems to back this up, so i'm to assume it's the standard mantra of the masses.

If i were to blame TV (which i don't really want to, but if i had to) i don't think it's about violence per-se - i don't think it's about GORE. I think it's about mindless shallow violence. Violence that has no realistic emotional repercussions.

I find a lot of European cinema avoids this, it can be really (stunningly) sensitive. I often wonder if this subject is key to strained USA and Europe relations, why they donp't see eye to eye, cultural differences on the topic of sensitivity and fear of weakness.

Kiran · Post by **Kiran** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 11:07 pm

The Europeans are more diplomatic than the Americans. Europe went through two very horrible wars and the majority of the people there would rather deal with arguments and diplomatic approaches than to pull out their missiles and play tough. That's part of why there's the European Integration process. To avoid conflicts leading to violence.

azgsusfreak · Post by **azgsusfreak** » Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:24 pm

We live in a sad world when we don't think \"I hope they are ok\". [/quote]

I can agree with that. At least when you are seeing the accidents. I have heard more than one comment about someone \"deserving\" an accident- because they are driving recklessly. And in a sense, that is true, alot of posts have already been made on how a bad experience can help sober a person up. It is only a matter of time before something happens, if no one else got hurt in the process, it could almost be good for some drivers to wad up. But that is all well and good when you are reading about it or hearing about it. To see an accident and not care is pretty sick.

Canuck · Post by **Canuck** » Fri Jan 25, 2008 1:00 pm

Thirty years ago our family was in the middle of building a cabin at a remote Northern Lake. It is located past a parallel where by law you must stop and offer assistance to stranded/stopped vehicles due to the remoteness of the area. We were in an area called Mile 40 a flat long swamp area in Summer and Icy in Winter. It was dark and very cold (-40C) when we saw on the other side of the road two motorhomes stopped with their lights off. My Dad started slowing down and when we were almost stopped a man walked out from between the motorhomes without looking. Just at that moment a man driving a truck with no lights on hit him and ricocheted into one of the motorhomes. I'll never forget seeing that man hit by that truck... his legs were bent at impossible angles and body fluids erupted from his mouth as the truck pushed him forward. The man driving the truck was drunk and driving while his license was suspended... he took off but not before we had taken down his plate number. Meanwhile the man hit by the truck was in convulsions on the icy road and we ran over to him to help. My Mom pulled out his tongue as he had swallowed it and was choking, while my Dad checked his injuries. It was an awful and traumatic scene. We asked the other people who were standing on the side of the road for a flashlight, blankets and some help. One guy walked up and said, \"He's fu&&ed... let him die\" then walked away. They refused to help at all so I went back to our vehicle and ripped apart the lamp assembly from a 200 in one electronics kit I had and rigged up a flashlight from that. We got the man breathing again but he was unconscious and freezing to death on that icy road. I told my parents if we didn't get him off the road he would die there. Again we asked for help from the bystanders but no one came over. We got the seat cover off the truck and carefully lifted the man on it and moved him to the front motorhome. While my parents stayed with him I got on the CB and managed to get a Trucker who called in a relay for an ambulance from a Town 90 miles away. We waited four hours for the ambulance to arrive... they went the wrong way and helped load him into the ambulance. The man was taken to Hospital at the small Town but his injuries were too serious for them to handle and he was airlifted to a bigger City another 90 miles away. By the time he received treatment one of his legs had to be amputated due to the seriousness and time factors, but he lived. He had no friends or family and our family were the only ones who visited him in the hospital. Two weeks later our family gets a letter from a Lawyer stating that we are being sued by him. It stated that if we hadn't have stopped to offer assistance he wouldn't have walked out on the road and wouldn't have been hit by the truck. My Father spent $7,500.00 defending the family in Court and although we won the case... $7,500.00 in 1970's dollars put us in the poorhouse and was a strain on the Family. I still offer assistance at accidents but I make sure that I note every action I do and things said while at the scene.

Foil · Post by **Foil** » Fri Jan 25, 2008 2:10 pm

Wow, Canuck. That experience says a lot about the difference between this type of people:

...we ran over to him to help...
...my parents stayed with him...
...a Trucker who called in a relay for an ambulance...
...We waited four hours...
...helped load him into the ambulance...
...our family... visited him in the hospital.

...and this type:

One guy walked up and said, \"He's fu&&ed... let him die\" then walked away.
They refused to help at all...
...no one came over.

We should all be more like your family; willing to help even when no one else cares.

It's crap that people who do their best to help sometimes get the worst of the aftermath.

Testiculese · Post by **Testiculese** » Fri Jan 25, 2008 2:52 pm

That's disgusting. I'd find the guy and amputate his other leg.

What sucks is the guy that walked away was probably the smart one. C.Y.A.

I don't help anyone anymore other than \"Can you reach that box on the supermarket shelf for me\" or to push someone's car out of the snow. I've been burned (Not as bad as Canuck) by most every person I've helped in any substantial way. I'm half-expecting to come up to a guy stuck in the snow, help push him out, then he goes and gets in an accident an hour later and tries to sue me because of it. Humans have steadily become not worth my time or energy.

Bet51987 · Post by **Bet51987** » Fri Jan 25, 2008 3:31 pm

Personally, I have a bigger problem. My dad, fearing for my safety, warned me not to stop to help anyone in distress. I am to dial 911 but not get out of the car but since I haven't had to do so yet, I don't know what I would actually do.

In reference to being sued, there are questionable laws protecting you...and I mean questionable. See Wiki

Bee

Sergeant Thorne · Post by **Sergeant Thorne** » Fri Jan 25, 2008 5:13 pm

Bet51987 wrote:Personally, I have a bigger problem. My dad, fearing for my safety, warned me not to stop to help anyone in distress. I am to dial 911 but not get out of the car but since I haven't had to do so yet, I don't know what I would actually do.

Do what your dad says. I think I know how you feel. If anything exceptional ever comes along, I expect you'll know, but don't entertain any ideas of side-lining your dad's warning.

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