Funny Story

Kumba · Post by **Kumba** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 2:36 pm

A buddy of mine and I got bored at work the other day and somehow got on writing this story. It basically talks about a lot of the jokes we like, most the people we work with, including my boss and the supervisor. You may not get some of the jokes but for those who read it, I hope you enjoy it. Also I found out today, my boss got ahold of it somehow, so I do not know what the outcome of that will be but... anyway her name is Rhonda and it may be more ammusing as you read the story. Also if you people enjoy it enuff, there is a 2nd story that follow this one. The story is as follows:

It seemed like just another dayâ?¦ and it was. Iâ??m Friday, and the day was Wednesday. Weâ??d been working 45 minutes, yet time seemed to move slow as the hourglass. Iâ??d been sent out to discover what was causing the time warp over blue cross. I was to face perilous danger, but I would discover what was happeningâ?¦

Armed with only a stapler, a timepiece that hadnâ??t been compromised by the warp, and a black inkâ?¦I knew through my journey of peril I would face many bad thingsâ?¦ but for the sake of not only myself but everyone elseâ?¦I had to know the truthâ?¦

I wiped the sweat from my brow as I stepped through the seemingly invisible glass doors. To everyone I was a lowly data entry claim keyer, but I was much more than that. I was an agent armed with the latest technology had to offer. I would accomplish my mission or die trying. The time had come, and I took my place at my cubicleâ?¦

To everyone else, today was just a normal dayâ?¦But for me, today would prove to be much moreâ?¦Today would be the day that I uncovered the secret that has plagued many before meâ?¦I couldnâ??t let the cycle continueâ?¦I had to break the chain, donâ??t you understandâ?¦There was no choice. However, the path would not be easy. There would be many obstacles to overcome on my path to righteousness

I logged on to my terminal, giving the impression that I was truly what I was notâ?¦I pulled my first claim and set my keyboard to autotype. I setup my look-alike inflatable doll and set to work. Using floss I jetapulted through the tiles in the ceiling, much in the reverse order and army operative would drop in on his unexpected victim. There was no turning back now. I was through the ceiling, and no one suspected a thing. I would have to crawl it would seem for days to reach my next objective. As the spiders and wasps attacked I held them off with my stapler and tape dispenser. Alas, the tape ran dry and I was left with my stapler and pack of staples. Things were not looking goodâ?¦

I was already down a weapon and still had far to goâ?¦and this would not even include the journey back when I quite possibly would have a confrontation with the two-headed monsterâ?¦The left, meaner known as Rhondanator and the more reserved, crazy of Sandyâ?¦I continued on my journey until I finally managed to escape the vent shaft and thenâ?¦

I was falling. It seemed like hours, days, but after checking my unadulterated time piece noticed it was but 5 seconds. I hit the ground with a hard thud, dust billowing up around me. I started to wipe my pants off, then stopped realizing how stupid it was to wipe my pants off with dust billowing all around me. I had felt something crunch when I hitâ?¦and was glad now it was only the bag of funyuns I had taken from the karl kash to help me on my journey. I took the only un-crunched chip from the bag and ate it as I tossed the rest of the bag to the side. I lit a match attempting to get my bearings. Things would get much worse as I now would be forced to choose between the life of some of my comrades or destroying the time warpâ?¦but that was laterâ?¦much later. Now I must choose which path I shall choose in this room, as there are 6 tunnels leading off in different directionsâ?¦

As I stopped I gained valuable supplies from each body, including what I suspected to be the best tool of allâ?¦a client listâ?¦Thatâ??s rightâ?¦People who could help me along my wayâ?¦If I made it far enoughâ?¦

I sat ponder the possibilities for a momentâ?¦Though the moment seemed much longer than it actually was. After my match burnt out I was already on my way down the middle tunnelâ?¦As I walked through what seemed to be a jungle of concrete and asphalt I noticed bones laying in my pathâ?¦No doubt others who had been on the same mission as me: To be paid for the full time that they workâ?¦And to receive their full breakâ?¦And not have the time cheated from themâ?¦

No doubt the prison cell of those on the client list would be along my journey, and I would no doubt have to rescue these people if I were to defeat the Rhondanator. I forged on through the tunnel, fighting the urge to chew on my black ink pen. I would be lying if I told you I wasnâ??t scared. I knew I had a duty to perform however. I would have to defeat the Rhondanator and destroy the time warp if ever there was to be peace and happiness at Blue Cross again. After what once again seemed like forever, but was merely minutes I reached what appeared to be a dead end. A large concrete wall stood before me. I asked myself what would I do. In fact you the reader probably just asked yourself that very questionâ?¦ I noticed a crack in the wall and tried to look through. YES! There was light on the other side. This was simply a defense to ward me off from finding the truth. I would not be fooled however. Taking out my black ink pen I began to chisel the wall awayâ?¦

As the blocks began to crumble I wondered what would be on the other sideâ?¦In my heart I knew it couldnâ??t be the control, because this is Blue Cross, and they make nothing easy.

However, once I got through the wall I got a shock I never expected. It was an armyâ?¦A whole army of mindless drones just keying awayâ?¦ I realized that this was another outpost controlling the minds of these entry clerksâ?¦I had to act quickâ?¦I had to do somethingâ?¦

At first I thought destroying them would be best. After all, if I were a mindless drone being controlled by Blue Cross the only thing left to hope for would be death. However after quickly ruling out that option. I sat to work at devising another plan. I worked my way along the outer-wall of the outpostâ?¦mission impossible styleâ?¦ until I reached the guard outpost. I quickly counted the guards at the door to the control tower and deciding my odds were bad I decided to use the evil hippo wind up toy I had looted off one of the bodiesâ?¦ it was my only wayâ?¦. I wound the toy and pressed the artic chill button. The hippo charged the guards and before they knew it they were frozen into iciclesâ?¦ Now I only had to make my way up the guard tower and destroy the Sandynator and these people would be free to leave this place filled with fluorescent lights, and I would be free to continue my mission of freeing the clients, destroying the rhondanator, and stopping the time warpâ?¦

However, after taking out two more guards and reaching the apex of the control tower, what I saw was a sight for sore eyes, indeedâ?¦It was not the Sandynator but ratherâ?¦another person that I was unfamiliar withâ?¦

At first I was going to destroy this person, however when they hung up the phone I realized where I wasâ?¦This was the mythical Andrew Jacksonâ?¦After talking with this mysterious person I learn that, yes she was a supervisor and though her intentions were evil, she was an asset to me because of her constant distractions of the Rhondanator it could prove to give me an advantage later onâ?¦

So, after going through the supply locker, I was on my way through the back door to continue my journey againâ?¦

The people have to be sacrificed for the good of the many. I continue on. I stepped through the door to continue down the tunnel when I heard someone behind meâ?¦I swiftly spun around holding my freshly acquired key to the drink room ready to attack. The current foe and future friend put up his hands in defense hollering he wasnâ??t the enemyâ?¦ I lowered my key and began the questioning. What are you? The man still shaken from his near collision with a brutal death, shakily held out his hand. I am Sandorâ?¦the prophetâ?¦ I am here to help you on your missionâ?¦

The first thing I noticed was the way he said his name, in sort of a whisper as though speaking it loudly would bring on some kind of evilâ?¦I quickly realized I should do the sameâ?¦After speaking with <evil>Sandor</evil>, I learned the location of the towerâ?¦However I would have to pass through two doors that required a pass code, and one which was guarded by a man with a sever case of ADDâ?¦I knew this would be a tough test, but <evil>Sandor</evil> and I continued the path untilâ?¦

I began hearing this steady and obnoxious beat. I knew this could not be good. This mission was becoming everything but your standard 190â??s cop television drama. If only I could have called CHIPS for backup. I had <evil>Sandor</evil> with me at least. We would brave the stormâ?¦figurative though it may have been. <evil>Sandor</evil> told me how even once inside the tower we would still have far to go for this was only the Sandynatorâ??s tower where the client prisoners were being held. We would have far to go to reach the Rhondanator. But back to that beat I heard. As we continued down the path it grew louder and louder until finally we reached the source. I warn the reader, for what we saw was the most terrifying part of the mission thus far. Huddled in the corner keying yet more and more were several country bumpkins listening to gangster rap musicâ?¦I still shudder when I look back on itâ?¦I instantly whipped out my punk cds andâ?¦

I instantly ripped the CD from a larger girl and ripped the Kenney Chesney CD out and broke it instantlyâ?¦This was met with much objection but I quickly put in a new CDâ?¦The dazed look in their faces bega to wear off and I knew it was workingâ?¦After a few moments there was chatter going on and I knew that I at least had broken the spell for a short timeâ?¦These people, I knew, were indebted to me and quickly tried to help me on my journeyâ?¦I only asked for more supplies to continueâ?¦

Once out the door I turned to <evil>Sandor</evil> and told him that it had to be done, not only for those people, but also to discourage rap in general.

<evil>Sandor</evil> said God would bless us, one and all, for the deed we had done of freeing those people from rap music. He told me it was as though I had given them a new and better life. I noticed I was feeling weighed down from all the supply looting I had been doing and asked for <evil>Sandor</evil> to help out with the load. We continued on and I began hearing a repetitive noise down the tunnelâ?¦after getting closer and realizing I was hearing the chord progression A, B, D, Em, I began to tremble with fear, for I knew the trial known as ADD Boy would be here soon. I finally was within sight and noticed a large variety of things surrounding ADD boy including drums, a piano, several guitars, a bass, a mandolin, several lyric sheets (all with chord progressions listed on themâ?¦surprisingly all A, B, D, Em) and a glockenspiel. Certainly this would be my hardest trial thus farâ?¦Especially since not only was there ADD Boy, but his hideous dogâ?¦not wait, it was his girlfriendâ?¦

As I approached I knew none of my weapons would work on himâ?¦ I would try to reason with him instead. However, as I began I noticed that each time I brought something up the subject was quickly changed.

â??So, can you play harmonica,â?

Sage · Post by **Sage** » Wed Apr 21, 2004 12:54 am

There where a couple of parts I thought where funny.

roid · Post by **roid** » Wed Apr 21, 2004 3:50 am

hehe, these office antics (the stapler especialy) kinda reminds me of DREW*@#

with your story i only realised halfway through that it was one of those "write a bit, fold it over, and pass it on" story things. i've got a collection of those from highschool (they are completely insane)

Diedel · Post by **Diedel** » Wed Apr 21, 2004 6:35 am

You have too much time.

Kumba · Post by **Kumba** » Wed Apr 21, 2004 2:40 pm

Me and a buddy of mine wrote that in one early morning at work. We also wrote a sequel and a third ender part if yall are intersted. Just let me know.

Rotten Tomato · Post by **Rotten Tomato** » Sun May 16, 2004 11:45 pm

yeeeeeesssshhh.....the time some people have on their hands.

Tyranny · Post by **Tyranny** » Thu May 20, 2004 3:22 am

Rotten Tomato wrote:yeeeeeesssshhh.....the time some people have on their hands.

You're one to talk...

Rotten Tomato · Post by **Rotten Tomato** » Wed Jun 16, 2004 11:39 pm

Es schien wie gerade ein anderer Tag... und es war. Ich bin Freitag und der Tag war Mittwoch. Wir wurden, 45 Minuten bearbeitend, dennoch schien Zeit, langsames als der Hourglass zu verschieben. Ich wurde ausgesendet, um zu entdecken, was das Zeit WarpÃ¼berschuss-Blaukreuz verursachte. Ich sollte gefÃ¤hrliche Gefahr gegenÃ¼berstellen, aber ich wÃ¼rde entdecken, was geschah... Bewaffnet mit nur einem Hefter, einem Timepiece, die nicht durch den Warp verglichen worden waren und einer schwarzen Tinte..., das ich durch meine Reise der Gefahr kannte, ich viele schlechte Sachen... gegenÃ¼berstellen wÃ¼rde, aber um nicht nur willen selbst aber jeder sonst... muÃ?te ich die Wahrheit kennen... Ich wischte den SchweiÃ? von meiner Braue ab, wÃ¤hrend ich durch die scheinbar unsichtbaren GlastÃ¼ren trat. Zu jeder war ich ein niedriger Dateneingabe Anspruch Keyer, aber ich war viel mehr als der. Ich war ein Vertreter, das mit der neuesten Technologie bewaffnet wurde, muÃ?te anbieten. Ich wÃ¼rde meine Mission vollenden oder sterben zu versuchen. Die Zeit war gekommen und ich nahm meinen Platz an meiner Zelle... Zu jeder sonst, heute war ein normaler Tag... aber fÃ¼r mich, heute wÃ¼rde sein viel mehr... heute wÃ¼rde sein der Tag gerecht, daÃ? ich das Geheimnis aufdeckte, das viele gequÃ¤lt hat, bevor ich..., das ich nicht den Zyklus... mich fortsetzen lassen kÃ¶nnte, die Kette brechen muÃ?te, nicht Sie verstehe... dort war keine Wahl. Jedoch wÃ¼rde der Weg nic

Top Gun · Post by **Top Gun** » Wed Jun 16, 2004 11:43 pm

Nice thread necromancy

. By the way, you really don't want to see how Babelfish butchers that

.