Bad Puns!

Bet51987 · Post by **Bet51987** » Wed Feb 18, 2009 7:05 pm

Add them if you have them..

--I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.--

Bee

AlphaDoG · Post by **AlphaDoG** » Thu Feb 19, 2009 10:49 am

I thought my nose was bleeding, but it's not.

Fusion · Post by **Fusion** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 1:52 am

Oh don't get me started..Wood/trees, electricty, kitchen, pictures just to name a few popular subjects that I can toss out there. Just ask a [RIP], a [NuB], or an independant that knows me. they'll tell ya.

Samples:
Barking up the wrong tree
[object] doesn't know how to conduct itself
you've been mugged
you've been framed, I just don't know what the crime was...

Fus

d0ggY · Post by **d0ggY** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 3:06 pm

One of my favs ...

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall ...the police are looking into it.

Bet51987 · Post by **Bet51987** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 4:05 pm

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital. When his grandmother called to ask how he was, a nurse said, \"No change yet.\"

Bee

Sedwick · Post by **Sedwick** » Sat Feb 21, 2009 11:39 pm

We were going to talk about Arab stereotypes, but decided that might get explosive.

Terminal · Post by **Terminal** » Sun Feb 22, 2009 1:30 am

Bet51987 wrote:A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital. When his grandmother called to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

Bee

That makes cents.

Gekko71 · Post by **Gekko71** » Sun Feb 22, 2009 10:22 am

Two peanuts were walking through Central Park at midnight. One was assaulted.

__________________________

The seven dwarves were taking a bath. They all felt happy. He got out.

__________________________

\"A man was walking through the Zoo when he saw a sign in the distance. He walked up to read it.

The sign said \"Beware - the Llama spits.\"

And he was.
________________________________________

\"I can make a pun on any subject you care to mention.\"

\"Very well - how about the Queen.\"

\"The Queen is not a subject.\"

OSCAR WILDE
__________________________________________

...And finally my all time favourite:

Winston Churchill was once called upon at a dinner party to give an impromptu speech on the subject of sex.

He stood up and said: \"It gives me great pleasure...\"

Then he sat down again.

True Story!

SilverFJ · Post by **SilverFJ** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 4:36 pm

One time, I had insomnia, so I went to take some sleeping pills, but I didn't want to wake them up.

TechPro · Post by **TechPro** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 12:42 pm

A bass drum, a snare drum, and a cymbol fell off a cliff.

Ba da bing!

Ok, so that isn't technically a pun but it was all I could think of at the moment.

fliptw · Post by **fliptw** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:02 pm

A restaurant owner, commenting on the narrow pathways of his nearly ready to open establishment noted he'd have to be selective about his wait staff.

Bet51987 · Post by **Bet51987** » Fri Feb 27, 2009 7:24 pm

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. he acquired his size from too much pi.

Bee

Sedwick · Post by **Sedwick** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 2:53 am

I needed to repair my buttocks, because I rectum.

AlphaDoG · Post by **AlphaDoG** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 8:52 am

That last pun just reeks.

Foil · Post by **Foil** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 9:21 am

Bet51987 wrote:The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. he acquired his size from too much pi.

I like that one. (Yep, I'm a huge math geek.)

Math pun wrote:My mother is a mathematician, so she knows how to induce good behavior. "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...."

Floyd · Post by **Floyd** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 12:08 pm

\"You're welcome to leave.\"

Flatlander · Post by **Flatlander** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:58 pm

I read Frank and Earnest every day - very punny.

CUDA · Post by **CUDA** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 6:02 pm

where ever you go there you are.

you can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.

Insurrectionist · Post by **Insurrectionist** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 6:21 pm

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

TheCope · Post by **TheCope** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 6:45 pm

My vacuum cleaner really sucks.

EngDrewman · Post by **EngDrewman** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 7:02 pm

EngDrewman · Post by **EngDrewman** » Thu Mar 19, 2009 10:04 pm

1 mol of Avocados = a Guacamole!

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 4:48 am

\"I had a really crappy job\"

\"did you drive a septic truck?\"

Flatlander · Post by **Flatlander** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 5:15 am

So, you know how 8 bits = 1 byte? What would half a byte be?

...a nibble

[edit - fixed!]

Floyd · Post by **Floyd** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 7:46 am

Flatlander wrote:So, you know how 8 bytes = 1 bit? What would half a byte be?

by your definitoin 1/16 bit

Mickey1 · Post by **Mickey1** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 11:55 am

Most Indiana farmers are out standing in their field.

Gooberman · Post by **Gooberman** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 1:26 pm

A termite walks into a bar and says, \"Where's the bar tender?\"

AlphaDoG · Post by **AlphaDoG** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 4:07 pm

A baby seal walked into a club....

Bet51987 · Post by **Bet51987** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 7:47 pm

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Bee

Insurrectionist · Post by **Insurrectionist** » Fri Mar 20, 2009 11:07 pm

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Ktulu · Post by **Ktulu** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:02 am

Seven days on honeymoon makes one hole weak

Lobber · Post by **Lobber** » Fri Apr 10, 2009 10:51 pm

So Fred sent ten puns into a pun contest.
Fred asked the contest director if any of his puns won any prizes, but no pun in ten did.

Money! · Post by **Money!** » Sun Apr 12, 2009 12:28 am

Lobber wrote:So Fred sent ten puns into a pun contest.
Fred asked the contest director if any of his puns won any prizes, but no pun in ten did.

Nice.

A man walks into a bar...

Ouch!

Duper · Post by **Duper** » Sun Apr 12, 2009 2:32 am

..so a dyslexic man walks into a bra...

SirWinner · Post by **SirWinner** » Tue Apr 14, 2009 3:49 pm

So Duper...

Does that mean that \"Dyslexics need to untie\"?

(\"untie\" a common dyslexic way of spelling \"unite\".)

Duper · Post by **Duper** » Tue Apr 14, 2009 10:42 pm

only if you're lysdexic.

Octopus · Post by **Octopus** » Sat Jul 18, 2009 6:55 pm

I hate to necro but... I came up with a pun!

Father Jacob raised his hands and said, \"Lettuce Spray\".

Gekko71 · Post by **Gekko71** » Sat Jul 18, 2009 9:36 pm

(Singing): \"Old Macdonald was dislexic O I E O A...\"

Octopus · Post by **Octopus** » Sun Jul 19, 2009 12:44 am

I was going to buy a Saturn but they're a bit too spacey.

Zantor · Post by **Zantor** » Sun Jul 19, 2009 2:22 pm

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Bad Puns!

Bad Puns!

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