Triumph The Wonder Racist

bash · Post by **bash** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 12:18 am

I thought this was cute and, frankly, I'm glad to hear it. I was beginning to wonder myself whether Canadians had become completely humoUrless. From the Wall Street Journal Op-Eds...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>

Severe Winter Storm
Conan O'Brien finds Anglophone Canadians can't take a joke about Francophone ones.

BY MARK STEYN
Friday, February 20, 2004 12:01 a.m. EST

W.C. Fields said never work with children or animals. That goes double if the animal's a hand puppet. So when Conan O'Brien's sidekick, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, visits Quebec and characterizes the natives as obnoxious, dull and mostly homosexual, and rent-a-quote Canadian Members of Parliament are asked for their reaction, the best response is: "Sorry, I'm a little tied up today. Why not try Miss Piggy or Lamb Chop?"

Instead, Alexa McDonough, former leader of the New Democratic Party, denounced Triumph's conduct as "utterly vile" "racist filth" and "vicious hatemongering." Stephen Harper, currently running for the leadership of the Conservative Party, agreed that such behavior was "completely unacceptable." The Quebec nationalists at the SociÃ©tÃ© St-Jean-Baptiste piled on and so did the Toronto Star (which is like the New York Times but without the jokes).

So a dozen people objected to the "vicious hatemongering" and as a result the rest of us 30 million Canadians are now damned as humorless prigs. Frankly, I'd rather be an obnoxious, dull homosexual living on the "rue des Pussies" (one of Triumph's visual gags). I've had a gazillion e-mails from Americans on the lines of "Boy, I can understand why Leslie Nielsen/John Candy/Jim Carrey ad infinitum headed south," as if there's some great refugee tide of members of the beleaguered Funny-Canadian minority pushing out on leaky rafts across the Niagara River like the South Vietnamese in flight from the re-education camps and hoping they won't be given away by tell-tale signs like wry chuckles.

Just for the record, Canadians are not humorless. We're humourless, OK? And in case you're planning a trip, jokes in Canada are not illegal. They're just federally regulated. And a good rule of thumb is this: We're not humorless about Anglophone Canada. Want to make a cheap crack about curling, or the queen, or redneck Albertans? Feel free. But we are humorless about Francophone Canada.

It's not so much that Francophones themselves can't take a joke, but that the bien-pensant Anglos who police English Canadian culture don't want to risk letting them be put in the position of having to take a joke, lest it tear the country apart. There's a lesson here, both for the European Union and an increasingly Hispanicized U.S.: Gags are one of the great pillars of a common culture, but they're one of the first things to get lost in translation--and if you can't share a joke, it's hard to have a shared culture. That's why multilingual societies tend toward the humorless: see Switzerland and Belgium. (For the purposes of the preceding racist generalization, I should point out that I'm half-Belgian.)

Let's go back to Triumph the dog's contention that Quebec men are mostly homosexual. In 1991, Edith Cresson made the same allegation against the British. At the time, she was the prime minister of France. In other words, she wasn't just Conan O'Brien's hand puppet; she was President Mitterrand's hand puppet. And she was flesh and blood, which was indeed the main basis of her assertion: She claimed that as a vibrant sensual woman she found more men came on to her in the streets of Paris than London and concluded from this that Englishmen were obviously gay.

Instead of falling into po-faced whining like the Toronto Star, Britain's Sun ran a picture of two Frenchmen carrying those dinky little male purses they're partial to over there, under the headline: "They Don't Call It Gay Paree For Nothing." Instead of huffing and puffing about "racist filth" like Canadian Members of Parliament, one British MP attempted to introduce the following motion: "This House does not fancy elderly French women." That's the way a mature, confident society deals with such provocations--with cheap jokes and extensive lists of "Famous French Poofs"--not the reflexive cringe that cries "racism" and calls for "hate crimes" investigations.

As for Triumph's other assertion--"So you're French and Canadian?" he asked a passing Quebecker. "You're obnoxious and dull?"--well, he's half-right. Canadians are not so much dull as smug, and the Quebecois affinity with their cousins in France is strictly limited. When France was occupied by the Germans in two world wars, it was English Canadians who wanted to liberate it, while Quebeckers objected to the notion of fighting for their English king. This isn't to say that thousands of Francophones haven't served with distinction. (Le Royal 22e RÃ©giment, the province's famous "Van Doos," is currently in Afghanistan.) But to do so they've had to go against the prevailing culture of their society, whose attitude is nicely encapsulated by the young Pierre Trudeau's magnificent shrug of indifference on the great conflict of the century: "So there was a war. Tough."

Today modern Trudeaupian Canada, being semi-French, is a semi-detached member of the Anglosphere. A year ago public opinion in English Canada was more or less as pro-war as Britain and Australia. Over 60% of Canadians outside Quebec supported American action against Saddam. But French Canada was overwhelmingly antiwar. The only difference between the "conscription crisis" of World War II and the antiwar sentiment re Iraq is that this time around Quebec's position decided Canada's. The "Francization" of the political culture has ensured that the entire country has been relocated to the rue des Pussies.

Come to that, if the situation is so "delicate," why hasn't Quebec separated? Every Tomovia, Dickania and Harristan is independent these days: Slovenia, Slovakia . . . Slavonia wasn't independent the last time I was there, but it's surely only a matter of time. Quebec "separatism" is either the world's most inept nationalist movement or it's one almighty bluff.

I go with the latter. As things stand, the permanent phony threat of secession allows Quebec the lion's share of the federal spoils. Four prime ministers from Quebec have run Canada for 34 of the past 36 years. You can rationalize this--just as you can explain why, for roughly the same period, the Sunni minority controlled all the levers of power in Iraq over the Shiite majority. But in neither case does it seem particularly healthy, and at least Iraq's Shiites had the excuse that they were living in a dictatorship. If Triumph were a French poodle, what insult could he possibly make to get the Anglos to rise up in defense of their own "cultural identity"?

As for Francophones, nothing the dog puppet did is as devastating an indictment of their (and my) ramshackle backwater as the first half-hour of Denys Arcand's current film, "The Barbarian Invasions," partly financed by Telefilm Canada, Telefilm Quebec and all the rest. For Americans, the scenes set in a Montreal hospital are a fascinating preview of what U.S. health care would be like if the Democrats ever get to "reform" it. For Quebeckers and Canadians, they strongly suggest that the problem with the moral high ground of the rue des Pussies is that it's a cul de sac.

Mr. Steyn is a columnist for National Review and Britain's Telegraph Group.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 1:14 am

I am now ashamed to be known as a canadian.

Also, this is just typical french-canadian 'I'm better than you' behaviour.

index_html · Post by **index_html** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 2:08 am

I forsee a battalion of Pepe Le Pew marionettes wearing maple leaf-emblazoned, battle toques marching on Rockefeller Center. The muppet brigade will take up defensive positions; Triumph commanding from his war steed (the pets.com sock puppet). The media will beam live images into our living rooms of little puppet bodies littering the streets in the aftermath. Oh, the inanity.

bash · Post by **bash** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 2:57 am

btw, fernii, I believe I owe you five bucks. Let me know via e-mail where to send it. Do you accept PayPal?

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 6:30 am

Ah, Le Frog Canasian is hopping mad over the satirical croakings of a puppet.

Tyranny · Post by **Tyranny** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 8:48 am

sacre bleu!! (sp?)

SSC BlueFlames · Post by **SSC BlueFlames** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 9:03 am

I forsee a battalion of Pepe Le Pew marionettes wearing maple leaf-emblazoned, battle toques marching on Rockefeller Center.

Just remember, the last time the Canadians marched against America, Washington DC got burned to the ground.

bash · Post by **bash** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 12:23 pm

Interesting claim about the War of 1812 between the Americans and Brits, Blueflames. I was under the impression (apparently mistaken) that *Canadians* didn't exist until more than a half century later. Have you informed the British of your discovery? I'm presuming some fossilized remains of Homo Canadien have been unearthed near Ottawa, replete with a primitive precursor to the hockey stick, but the news just hasn't reached us yet.

Live and learn, eh?

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Fri Feb 20, 2004 2:24 pm

When we want Canadia's opinion on anything we will give it to you.

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 1:33 am

If you ever meet a french canadian, or some uppity from toronto, give em a good smack.

Top Wop · Post by **Top Wop** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 11:35 am

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Ferno:
If you ever meet a french canadian, or some uppity from toronto, give em a good smack.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Roger that, will do!

Beowulf · Post by **Beowulf** » Sat Feb 21, 2004 11:56 am

French Canadian - its a combination of two evils.

Actually, I've met a lot of Canadian people and they're pretty cool. They're all huge potheads

The Frenchies are the real bastards

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Mon Feb 23, 2004 3:46 am

I dislike quebec. A canadian I've met here at school dislikes Quebec too.

As for the Canadians burning DC to the ground in 1812: I'm not sure about that, however they DID at the very least get the White House.

Yes, Canada existed back then, but as a British Colony (Heck, until they detach themselves from the Monarchy, they still are pretty much). In fact, if any of you bastards bother to read up and find the text of the US Articles of Confederation, you'll find a clause that would have permitted Canada to Join the US of its own free will without the express consent of the States.

MehYam · Post by **MehYam** » Mon Feb 23, 2004 11:32 am

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Ferno:
 Also, this is just typical french-canadian 'I'm better than you' behaviour.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Also originally posted by Ferno:
 If you ever meet a french canadian, or some uppity from toronto, give em a good smack.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Tue Feb 24, 2004 2:57 am

I coulda sworn you were from the west from the way you act Kai. Maybe i should start to dislike you now.

naaaaah

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Tue Feb 24, 2004 8:29 pm

Where is Canadia anyway?

DCrazy · Post by **DCrazy** » Tue Feb 24, 2004 8:46 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>
Originally posted by the Founding Fathers:
Article XI. Canada acceding to this confederation, and adjoining in the measures of the United States, shall be admitted into, and entitled to all the advantages of this Union; but no other colony shall be admitted into the same, unless such admission be agreed to by nine States.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Other British colonies could have joined too (such as Bermuda, which only lost its title of Crown Colony about two years ago) but only if 9 out of 13 states said so. This would have made things very interesting...

CDN_Merlin · Post by **CDN_Merlin** » Tue Feb 24, 2004 9:16 pm

1) Canada doens't deal directly with the Queen much anymore. This happened back in the 80's.

2) Nothing wrong with Quebec, it's only the pure french morons that are the problem. The ones living in Quebec City and it's surrounding area's.

I'm originally from Montreal and I seem to have many friends which don't think I'm an (_O_) just cause I'm From Quebec.

I have no problem on what Conan said. I can take a joke oir an insult in good humour. It's the stupid french faggots that don't like it when an English person makes fun of them. This is the reason why I left Quebec, cause I got tired of the BS the french were dishing.

bash · Post by **bash** » Tue Feb 24, 2004 9:23 pm

I had no idea the newly-formed USA extended an invitation to join to Canada. Live and learn, eh? That's not still on the books, is it? Because I don't think they're coming to the party.

When I lived in Canada I went to see the Sugar Ray Leonard/Roberto Duran rematch in Montreal in the early '70s. At the time I considered myself semi-Canadian (I didn't have citizenship, however) but, boy oh boy, the French Canucks went out of their way to make us feel unwelcome, refusing to give us directions unless we spoke in French (none of us could), ignoring us in restaurants, etc. I was more disappointed than offended since I sorta thought we were countrymen. It really ruined the trip, especially for my father since he was treating us all to what he thought would be a fun-filled time and cultural experience. We couldn't wait to get back to Toronto (Mississauga, to be precise). Now, as an American, I don't think there is anywhere in the US I could go and be made to feel that way. Even in the Southwest, where many Mexican immigrants consider that area part of Mexico and we gringos as temporary squatters, the hospitality is amazing (as well as the food

).

Tyranny · Post by **Tyranny** » Wed Feb 25, 2004 8:31 am

Try hanging around in Minnesota for a bit, you'll kind of get the same impression

Except for a few people from there that I've associated with over the years, on one particular occasion where I was actually in the state they were the rudest most inconsiderate bunch of people I've ever dealt with.

CDN_Merlin · Post by **CDN_Merlin** » Wed Feb 25, 2004 8:03 pm

1) Canada doesn't deal directly with the Queen much anymore. This happened back in the 80's. They passed some bill or something.

2) Nothing wrong with Quebec, it's only the pure french morons that are the problem. The ones living in Quebec City and it's surrounding area's.

I'm originally from Montreal and I seem to have many friends which don't think I'm an (_O_) just cause I'm From Quebec.

I have no problem on what Conan said. I can take a joke or an insult in good humour. It's the stupid french faggots that don't like it when an English person makes fun of them. This is the reason why I left Quebec, cause I got tired of the BS the french were dishing.

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Thu Feb 26, 2004 1:08 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Tyranny:
Try hanging around in Minnesota for a bit, you'll kind of get the same impression Except for a few people from there that I've associated with over the years, on one particular occasion where I was actually in the state they were the rudest most inconsiderate bunch of people I've ever dealt with.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Minnesota just owns you, thats all