Van Helsing - Worst Movie Ever

Beowulf · Post by **Beowulf** » Fri May 07, 2004 11:18 pm

By far

EVERY CHARACTER IN THIS MOVIE MAKES ANNOYING SOUNDS! The whole movie is just a big annoying sound after another. Mix that with painful dialogue and almost equally painful plot development makes this a big pile of suck. They throw a bunch of different sideplots at you and leave you sitting in a puddle of halfass sideplots until the last five minutes where they haphazardly try to wrap it up. And the movie is like 3 frickin hours. Oh man, this movie SUCKS.

Buef · Post by **Buef** » Fri May 07, 2004 11:44 pm

Liked it.

Simple straightforward, only one "twist".
Best Dr.Jekyl/Mr.Hyde ever!
Great Frankenstein's Monster
Ok Dracula
Good Wolfman

Great family old style horror movie. Slasher movie this is not, surprisingly mild violence.

Nirvana · Post by **Nirvana** » Sat May 08, 2004 12:35 am

this movie was BAD

- poor vfx overload
- terrible dialogue
- boring as ★■◆●

Verran · Post by **Verran** » Sat May 08, 2004 2:15 am

Started out good. Progressively got bad and worse until it was finally over. Hi Buef!

Will Robinson · Post by **Will Robinson** » Sat May 08, 2004 6:50 am

Sounds like another League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Anyone seen both and want to rate them both on a scale of 1 to 10 so I'll know if I should go or not?

kurupt · Post by **kurupt** » Sat May 08, 2004 6:56 am

i havent seen it yet, but...

does anyone else share the opinion of "wtf?!" when they cast hugh jackman as van helsing? i just cant see wolverine playing that role. he may be good, i havent seen it to find out, but my expectations of him playing that role are pretty low.

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Sat May 08, 2004 8:20 am

Crappo, there I was going to see it. Now I dunno.

Kyouryuu · Post by **Kyouryuu** » Sat May 08, 2004 8:50 am

A three hour movie. Sheesh. I remember when Titanic was the exception rather than the norm. Now producers seem more interested in "overfilming" a movie for the sake of meeting the mystical three hour mark, and to produce nine hidden endings for the special edition DVD.

I definitely would not feel cheated if a genuinely good movie came in at 1:15-2:00 hours. Insomuch as telling a good story is an art, so too is brevity.

Nirvana · Post by **Nirvana** » Sat May 08, 2004 10:13 am

it's not 3 hours... it's like 2 hours and 10 or 15 minutes

As far as a scale of 1-10, probably around 3? League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was a guaranteed 1 tho.

llClutchll · Post by **llClutchll** » Sat May 08, 2004 11:20 am

2 hours 20 mins.

BORING!

I usually love these kinds of movies. This one was fragmented, drawn out, and just plain dissapointing.

In this movie I think the actors did fine, the producers and directors just mangled the hell out of it in the final cut.

Vanhelsing - 2 of 10
Leauge of Ex Gent. 2.5 of 10

Jeff250 · Post by **Jeff250** » Sat May 08, 2004 11:58 am

It wasn't as bad as The League.

It was a good action movie-- it's one of those movies you should go to see for the action, not the plot. I felt entertained. I wasn't given a new worldview or philosophical dogma, nor was there any conversation about the movie's implications to real life immediately forthwith, but it was entertaining.

Zer0Cool · Post by **Zer0Cool** » Sat May 08, 2004 2:12 pm

if it's entertaining thats' what counts...i suppose i'll throw out the $5 to see this movie. Hopefully it doesn't suck too much.

Tyranny · Post by **Tyranny** » Sat May 08, 2004 4:53 pm

If you can label Van Helsing the worste movie ever, you've apparently never seen that many to begin with

Be a little bit more objective and recognize movies for what they really are. Some movies have plot, others have stunning visuals, every now and then some movies have both *gasp* but all movies provide an escape from your everyday life regardless of how dumb you might think they are later.

If you can do better, work to do so...otherwise stfu

Jagger · Post by **Jagger** » Sat May 08, 2004 5:13 pm

I thought the plot was pretty cool, but you didn't really know WTH was going on until a ways into the movie. I think they tried cramming too much stuff into too little time. Combine that with CHEEZ-E acting and cinematography(sp?), and you've got a pile of suck the size of a werewolf.

That's my my humble opinion.

Van Helsing: 2/10
League: 3/10

llClutchll · Post by **llClutchll** » Sat May 08, 2004 5:17 pm

Did you help produce this abomination, or do you just have a soft spot for bad movies?

Personally the only escape I was looking for during this entire movie was the one marked "EXIT".

Tyr... Everyone has a right to their own opinion, even you.

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Sat May 08, 2004 7:03 pm

As a tie in you might want to read this link from BBC regarding skin textures:

"It is being used in almost all visual effects for movies and there are a number of game companies looking at how to adapt the technique for games as well
Dr Henrik Jensen"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/3683853.stm

Tyranny · Post by **Tyranny** » Sat May 08, 2004 8:44 pm

heh, no, I didn't work on this movie but I've most certainly seen "worse" then this movie could probably ever be. If I have a soft spot for anything, as far as movies are concerned, it probably would be the genre this movie is in.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions yes, but I just get the sense that people go to see movies like this expecting some revolutionary life altering experience and then if the movie falls short of that expectation it gets ripped on.

Being in an online community, especially a gaming community, I can't say that I'm really all that surprised though. We are some of the most whiney, nitpicking, unsatiated group of people on the planet

So, complain away!

Beowulf · Post by **Beowulf** » Sat May 08, 2004 10:15 pm

"Personally the only escape I was looking for during this entire movie was the one marked "EXIT"."

WERD CLUTCH!

Dude...I wasn't expecting anything except for it not to suck. Hugh Jackman is a badass, and I was hoping this movie would be good. But it was god freakin awful.

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Sun May 09, 2004 4:22 am

Sorry, the worst movie ever was "Hollywood Cowboy". I hope none of you have ever seen it.

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Sun May 09, 2004 6:19 am

A friend of mine is absolutely obsessed about this movie. I kinda hope it sucks so she will stop talking about it all the time

Asrale · Post by **Asrale** » Sun May 09, 2004 3:30 pm

Hey so what trailers were attached to it? Anything new/interesting?

Jeff250 · Post by **Jeff250** » Sun May 09, 2004 9:39 pm

Some Vin Diesel thing. Vin Diesel is dumb.

kurupt · Post by **kurupt** » Sun May 09, 2004 10:07 pm

the sequal to pitch black? im gonna og see that, i loved pitch black. even though it looks like it wont be nearly as good as the first one.

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Sun May 09, 2004 10:15 pm

man those were some of the goofiest monsters i've seen yet. i wonder what would happen if they went for a thin door.. their faces would probably snap in half like a bone.

Wang_Lo · Post by **Wang_Lo** » Sun May 09, 2004 10:25 pm

it was a good action flick, and that is it, i don't know about you guys, but i don't go to movies expecting some philosophical revelation. i agree with Tyranny, movies are considered "entertainment". when i go see it i am entertained with action, chicks, and explosions. if i want to be mentally challenged i read a philosophical book, or something else not considered entertainment.

Nirvana · Post by **Nirvana** » Sun May 09, 2004 10:45 pm

I like dumb action movies, as well, as long as they aren't really BAD. You can make a good action movie with hot girls that ISN'T extremely boring and DOESN'T have dialogue that sounds like it's written by a 4yo.

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Sun May 09, 2004 10:55 pm

spider-man

DarkFlameWolf · Post by **DarkFlameWolf** » Mon May 10, 2004 12:05 am

KaTaNa · Post by **KaTaNa** » Mon May 10, 2004 3:34 pm

I was thoroughly entertained by Van Helsing. To me, it was no LOEG.

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Fri May 14, 2004 9:57 pm

wow, if this movie is a 3/10 and league is a 1/10, than wtf is gigli? -5/10?

heh, i just like typing out / saying it....

g i g l i

Nirvana · Post by **Nirvana** » Sat May 15, 2004 3:24 am

The "badness" of Gigli was part hype. I never saw it, but I don't think it could have been much worse than LOEG (and was probably better). Besides, there's still a 0/10!

Liquid Fire · Post by **Liquid Fire** » Sat May 15, 2004 8:58 am

Actually, the worst movie EVER created was "master of disguise". It gets a -50 out of 10

Buef · Post by **Buef** » Sat May 15, 2004 11:04 am

worst movie ever?

"Plan 9 from Outer Space"

Duper · Post by **Duper** » Sat May 15, 2004 9:15 pm

imho, the worst movie by far (at lest taht I have seen) was the Rocky Horror Picture Show ... geez.. and people actaully enjoy this thing?

KaTaNa · Post by **KaTaNa** » Mon May 17, 2004 7:59 am

My nominee...

"Battle Beyond the Stars"

Will Robinson · Post by **Will Robinson** » Mon May 17, 2004 8:25 am

i see you
a Sylvester Stallone movie
the worst

Palzon · Post by **Palzon** » Mon May 17, 2004 10:35 am

the suck of a film is certainly related to the budget. as the budget increases, so does the accountability of the film. we can derive a simple equation from this...

budget x factor of suck = overall quality.

using this formula it is clear that Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle is the worst movie of all time.

Nirvana once told me that even if i did not see The Time Machine (with Guy Pierce) that i should ask for my money back. Full Throttle makes the Time Machine look like Citizen Cane.

Everyone involved in Full Throttle should be brought before the Hague.

kurupt · Post by **kurupt** » Mon May 17, 2004 4:07 pm

battlefield earth gets my vote for crappiest movie containing a big name. ive seen plenty of movies with nobody recognizable and small budgets that were worse than getting kicked in the nuts while giving birth, but what was travolta thinking?!

Wolf on Air · Post by **Wolf on Air** » Mon May 17, 2004 6:14 pm

Shamelessly borrowed from pointlesswasteoftime.com:

Nirvana · Post by **Nirvana** » Mon May 17, 2004 6:36 pm

Happy pally, did you actually see Time Machine? It was far worse... The wound was finally starting to heal after all these years, and you just tore it open again