Sand Art

[Spidey]

You must be thinking of someone else…I NEVER blame the government for “any possible evil”.

You call my view of reality “silly“….but, yet offer no other excuse for families neglecting their elderly.

[Tunnelcat]

unfortunately many Families don't even attempt to take care of each other. makes them the lowest of the low IMHO

Well, not every family's perfect and not every person or couple has children or an extended family. Sometimes things don't work out or personal choices are made that affect things later on. Life sucks that way. So do you think disfunctional families should be tossed aside because they are the lowest of low?

[CUDA]

unfortunately many Families don't even attempt to take care of each other. makes them the lowest of the low IMHO

Well, not every family's perfect and not every person or couple has children or an extended family.

No family is perfect. so that's not an excuse for not taking care of each other.

Sometimes things don't work out or personal choices are made that affect things later on. Life sucks that way.

life suck that way because you made a choice to let it continue to suck that way, and if things don't work out it's because you CHOSE not to have them work out.. if you want to fix the problem then stand up and fix the problem. don't make excuses about why they suck. make the "personal choice" to fix it. Forgiveness is a powerful tool.

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

So do you think disfunctional families should be tossed aside because they are the lowest of low?

"tossed aside" Never.. they are the lowest of the low if they CHOOSE to stay dysfunctional,

[Top Gun]

...how can someone "choose" to stay dysfunctional, pray tell? If you're not the one with the dysfunction, and the other person doesn't get functional, you've pretty much done all you can.

[CUDA]

...how can someone "choose" to stay dysfunctional, pray tell?

if your choosing not to "get along" with your Family you are choosing to stay dysfunctional. you'll find out in life. I might not be able to control your actions, but I can control my own actions. I can make the CHOICE to either contribute to my Family dysfunction or I can choose not to. life is full of choices. YOU have the ability to choose to do the right thing.

If you're not the one with the dysfunction, and the other person doesn't get functional, you've pretty much done all you can.

I disagree. we are all dysfunctional in some fashion. it's a cop out to lay the blame solely on the other party. if you've offended your Brother, or even if you think you've offended him. then go to to him and make it right. that is how you help prevent family dysfunction. The family. ALL OF THEM must be willing to work. and those of them that are not willing IMHO are the "lowest of the Low"

[Tunnelcat]

Not everything that happens to us is a "choice" CUDA. Sometimes, things just don't work out the way we want them to and sometimes fate deals us a bad deck of cards. Sometimes we have family members that don't give a sh*t, sometimes we are blessed with those who love unconditionally. Sometimes we can correct mistakes, sometimes not. Get a dose of reality. Not every family works out and becomes a little perfect gem like the Cleavers on TV. We are imperfect human beings in an imperfect universe.

[CUDA]

Not everything that happens to us is a "choice" CUDA. Sometimes, things just don't work out the way we want them to and sometimes fate deals us a bad deck of cards. Sometimes we have family members that don't give a sh*t, sometimes we are blessed with those who love unconditionally. Sometimes we can correct mistakes, sometimes not. Get a dose of reality. Not every family works out and becomes a little perfect gem like the Cleavers on TV. We are imperfect human beings in an imperfect universe.

apparently you chose not to read my post

[Krom]

Dysfunctional families are usually caused by one or more members having a serious mental illness or personality disorder. Very few people can ever just up and decide one day to quit being batshit insane and start getting along with their relatives. And the drugs / treatments in the mental health industry are a bad joke that often only make things worse.

[Spidey]

That’s not a dysfunctional family in my opinion, that’s a dysfunctional person…the rest of the family has to understand and act accordingly.

If the sane ones don’t behave…then that’s a dysfunctional family.

[CUDA]

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often abuse on the part of individual members occur continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions.

these are all choices that can be dealt with. TRUE mental illness is not a choice.

Although I would agree, most people are sick in the head

[Tunnelcat]

No family is perfect. so that's not an excuse for not taking care of each other.

Perhaps, but you can't force a family to take care of one another when they don't get along for some reason or another. I've always been civil and nice to my step father. I've always helped out when he needed it and have been there for him when he was lonely or in trouble. But after my mother died, it's almost as if he's decided my sister and I are NOT as important as his one boy from his previous marriage, who, by the way, came back into his life looking for money (which he's gotten in spades) after years of being absent. My sister and I are not of his blood, being female may be another hit against us, and it shows in the way he treats us. I made the effort for years to keep in contact with him and do as much as possible for him when he was lonely. I've always been the model child. But not once has he make the effort to reciprocate and call or visit me. He never calls me to tell me what's going on, even when it's life affecting or important. He could get sick and I'd never know it. I just don't feel that connection with him that should go with being a family anymore. Why should I make the effort if I'm just considered someone from another marriage? Sorry for the rant, but by stepdad is really ticking me off right now.

life suck that way because you made a choice to let it continue to suck that way, and if things don't work out it's because you CHOSE not to have them work out.. if you want to fix the problem then stand up and fix the problem. don't make excuses about why they suck. make the "personal choice" to fix it. Forgiveness is a powerful tool.

Not everything in life can be controlled. There will always be things that can't be "fixed". Some things are beyond repair.

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

I haven't always held resentment towards my step father, but I've sure got a heaping boatload of it now. Yes, resentment is strong and poisonous. Yes, he's still technically my father. But a person can only be dismissed for so long before that resentment cements itself in place permanently and becomes hatred.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

No, forgiveness is only a bandaid that covers up the wart.

"tossed aside" Never.. they are the lowest of the low if they CHOOSE to stay dysfunctional

What about when you're the one tossed aside and all efforts to mend that dysfunction are met with dismissal? It'd be easier to bash my head against a brick wall.

[CUDA]

No family is perfect. so that's not an excuse for not taking care of each other.

Perhaps, but you can't force a family to take care of one another when they don't get along for some reason or another. I've always been civil and nice to my step father. I've always helped out when he needed it and have been there for him when he was lonely or in trouble. But after my mother died, it's almost as if he's decided my sister and I are NOT as important as his one boy from his previous marriage, who, by the way, came back into his life looking for money (which he's gotten in spades) after years of being absent. My sister and I are not of his blood, being female may be another hit against us, and it shows in the way he treats us. I made the effort for years to keep in contact with him and do as much as possible for him when he was lonely. I've always been the model child. But not once has he make the effort to reciprocate and call or visit me. He never calls me to tell me what's going on, even when it's life affecting or important. He could get sick and I'd never know it. I just don't feel that connection with him that should go with being a family anymore. Why should I make the effort if I'm just considered someone from another marriage? Sorry for the rant, but by stepdad is really ticking me off right now.

TC My comments were never an indictment against you. I'm sorry for your Pain. but My quote on forgiveness is true and it is MUCH more than a band-aid. the thing is to Really forgive. and then "try" to let go. and I say "try" because it's usually a very difficult thing to do.

there's a song that I like called "you cant run when your holding suitcases" it's about how our emotional baggage will hinder us when we try to do things in life

life suck that way because you made a choice to let it continue to suck that way, and if things don't work out it's because you CHOSE not to have them work out.. if you want to fix the problem then stand up and fix the problem. don't make excuses about why they suck. make the "personal choice" to fix it. Forgiveness is a powerful tool.

Not everything in life can be controlled.

agreed

There will always be things that can't be "fixed". Some things are beyond repair.

I will have to disagree here. but it will take an effort from BOTH side to fix it.

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

I haven't always held resentment towards my step father, but I've sure got a heaping boatload of it now. Yes, resentment is strong and poisonous. Yes, he's still technically my father. But a person can only be dismissed for so long before that resentment cements itself in place permanently and becomes hatred

only if you let it.

"tossed aside" Never.. they are the lowest of the low if they CHOOSE to stay dysfunctional

What about when you're the one tossed aside and all efforts to mend that dysfunction are met with dismissal? It'd be easier to bash my head against a brick wall.

sometimes. again this is where forgiveness comes in. it is an act that sets YOU free. not necessarily the one you've forgiven.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

[Tunnelcat]

That's where you and I disagree. I'm perfectly willing to forgive someone if they make an honest mistake or misstep in life and are genuinely sorry for any slight or pain they may have done to me or others. In other words, there was no aforethought or malice intended, a genuine mistake or misunderstanding occurred, and that person was sorry for their actions. That type of forgiveness makes one's soul whole again. There's no sense in holding grudges against regretful and apologetic people. I've also been forgiven by others, and appreciated it, when I did something unintentionally, or even intentionally, mean and nasty, and later regretted and apologized for it afterwords.

But I will not forgive when someone deliberately wrongs me, then has no regrets or compunction about doing that same nastiness to me or my loved ones repeatedly and will never, ever, be sorry one little bit for anything they've ever done. It only gives me a hollow feeling to forgive someone when they would clearly enjoy doing the same thing over and over again. Even though I don't believe in revenge, I'm afraid I like a little schadenfreude now and then for people like that. Forgiveness? Well, some people don't deserve it. I know that's not what Jesus taught, but I'm not Jesus. I suppose that attitude came about by high school. I was always the one singled out by the other clickish little mean girls for teasing and ostracizing, and it really left a permanent mark on my psyche.

[snoopy]

unfortunately many Families don't even attempt to take care of each other. makes them the lowest of the low IMHO

Well, not every family's perfect and not every person or couple has children or an extended family. Sometimes things don't work out or personal choices are made that affect things later on. Life sucks that way. So do you think disfunctional families should be tossed aside because they are the lowest of low?

Here in Philadelphia there are an alarmingly large number of people that don't even care for their children. I understand that life sometimes hands you lemons, and that we need to take care of those for whom the traditional model doesn't work. At the same time, sometimes you have to live with your decisions, too.

[Tunnelcat]

I guess that's where the problem is. How do you tell if a family is just a bunch of lazy failures sponging off the system or if they're really victims of bad circumstances and truly need help?

[CUDA]

I guess that's where the problem is. How do you tell if a family is just a bunch of lazy failures sponging off the system or if they're really victims of bad circumstances and truly need help?

I would suggest getting to know them. Knowledge is power

[Tunnelcat]

I would suggest getting to know them. Knowledge is power

For every family in the U.S.??????????????? Sounds kind of like a Big Brother project just to keep tabs on every family in the country to make sure they fit the definition of "truly needy".

[CUDA]

sorry. missed the transition in the conversation from a single family to the whole U.S.

[Top Gun]

...how can someone "choose" to stay dysfunctional, pray tell?

if your choosing not to "get along" with your Family you are choosing to stay dysfunctional. you'll find out in life. I might not be able to control your actions, but I can control my own actions. I can make the CHOICE to either contribute to my Family dysfunction or I can choose not to. life is full of choices. YOU have the ability to choose to do the right thing.

If a certain family member chooses to bugger off completely, how does your "choice" make any difference in the matter?

If you're not the one with the dysfunction, and the other person doesn't get functional, you've pretty much done all you can.

I disagree. we are all dysfunctional in some fashion. it's a cop out to lay the blame solely on the other party. if you've offended your Brother, or even if you think you've offended him. then go to to him and make it right. that is how you help prevent family dysfunction. The family. ALL OF THEM must be willing to work. and those of them that are not willing IMHO are the "lowest of the Low"

...except the people who are unwilling to work are generally the ones causing the dysfunction. If you have a deadbeat dad or an evil witch of a stepmother or a sibling who blows through money, you can't wave some magic wand and turn them into model people. You can make choices that help mitigate the harm to the rest of the family, but your personal choices aren't going to change what they're doing. To think otherwise is incredibly naive.

[CUDA]

...how can someone "choose" to stay dysfunctional, pray tell?

if your choosing not to "get along" with your Family you are choosing to stay dysfunctional. you'll find out in life. I might not be able to control your actions, but I can control my own actions. I can make the CHOICE to either contribute to my Family dysfunction or I can choose not to. life is full of choices. YOU have the ability to choose to do the right thing.

If a certain family member chooses to bugger off completely, how does your "choice" make any difference in the matter?

because you do whats right because it's right. and doing the right thing will always make a difference. maybe not to the situation, but to you

5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

but your personal choices aren't going to change what they're doing. To think otherwise is incredibly naive.

reading previous posts is always preferable before responding

if you're choosing not to "get along" with your Family you are choosing to stay dysfunctional. you'll find out in life. I might not be able to control your actions, but I can control my own actions. I can make the CHOICE to either contribute to my Family dysfunction or I can choose not to. life is full of choices. YOU have the ability to choose to do the right thing.

YOUR choices CAN and SOMETIMES do affect how others act. to think otherwise is not only Naive it's Ignorant

[Ferno]

choosing to stay dysfunctional...

arrrrrgh.

family life isn't a sitcom.