Giving a Cat a pill

[Duper]

(perhaps you've seen this)

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bast ard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

[AceCombat]

lol

sounds familiar with one of my cats in my lifetime

[Alter-Fox]

I was talking to somebody yesterday about how he wanted a mountain lion.
Are you sure you had the right kind of cat?

[Grendel]

Try to pill a Tiger...

(Whoever invented the Cat Piller -- thanks man ! )

[Tunnelcat]

Step one forgot a very important step. Be sure to stroke the cat's throat softly and gently downward to encourage swallowing AFTER inserting the pill into it's mouth. If that works, all the other steps are superfluous.

[flip]

I don't know if it works with cats, but with a dog you can push it towards the back of their mouth, hold their mouth closed and blow in it's face. It makes them instinctively swallow each time.

[Tunnelcat]

Cats always seem to figure out where the pill is, always managing to eat all the food and leaving the pill behind. But I've heard that if you crush the pill and mix it with fishy smelling food, it just may fake them out into eating it.

I learned a neat trick from that cat guy on the My Cat From Hell show. It's called the "slow blink". Apparently, if you have a freaked out cat, you get down to the cat's level a short distance away, preferably lying down and exuding calm and relaxed, and then look at them while doing a very slow repeating blink with your eyes. It's apparently cat language for "I'm calm, you be calm too". When they start slow blinking back at you, they're cool with you.

[Grendel]

Mixing meds into food usually doesn't work w/ cats, they are VERY picky (coming from being pure carnivores) and have a keen sense of smell. The trick is to get the pill far enough down a cats maw. Cats have to swallow it once it's beyond that "point of no return". Hence the "pill shooters".

[Foil]

Yep, pill shooters ("pillers", "pill poppers") make it extremely easy on both cat and owner.

[Heretic]

Cats always seem to figure out where the pill is, always managing to eat all the food and leaving the pill behind. But I've heard that if you crush the pill and mix it with fishy smelling food, it just may fake them out into eating it.

I learned a neat trick from that cat guy on the My Cat From Hell show. It's called the "slow blink". Apparently, if you have a freaked out cat, you get down to the cat's level a short distance away, preferably lying down and exuding calm and relaxed, and then look at them while doing a very slow repeating blink with your eyes. It's apparently cat language for "I'm calm, you be calm too". When they start slow blinking back at you, they're cool with you.

that cat from hell is the best show I've ever seen. The best way I've given a pill to cat was with wet food grinding the pill and mixing it with wet food because my cat was used to a dry food diet so if your cat is a dry food at try mixing it in with some wet food. This is from experience with my older cat I had to put down last year.

[Spidey]

Don’t break up time release pills.

[woodchip]

TC your first mistake was how you held the cat. You should of taken a towel and wrapped it around the cat snug enough he couldn't move. Then insert the pill, hold the cats mouth shut and stroke the throat in a downward motion. If that fails just tazr the dam thing

[Jeff250]

My parents were recently given for their cat an opiate medication that was liquid and absorbed in the cat's mouth. I don't think their cat liked it, but eliminating the swallowing step made the process a lot easier.

[Tunnelcat]

TC your first mistake was how you held the cat. You should of taken a towel and wrapped it around the cat snug enough he couldn't move. Then insert the pill, hold the cats mouth shut and stroke the throat in a downward motion. If that fails just tazr the dam thing

I dare you to "try" and wrap up a cat in a towel in the first place. You should watch what happened when someone tried it on the show "My Cat from Hell. The term "slice and dice" should come to mind.

[Duper]

Try Tape some time

[Tunnelcat]

Like this?

[youtube]Ug5UeeV2Nj0[/youtube]

Or this way? It even has directional control over the cat!

[youtube]JyYDlY_df0o[/youtube]

[Warlock]

its easy......

feed pill to mouse
wait an hour
feed mouse to cat

[woodchip]

its easy......

feed pill to mouse
wait an hour
feed mouse to cat

Winner

[Tunnelcat]

Not quite. The cat will give you mousie payback later in the form of a wet, slimy, hairball that he will horf into your shoe.