While I've been away

[SilverFJ]

...I've been doing nothin' but hitchin it on the road and playing the guitar, ol' betsy, my Abeline Accoustic honey, and I've come up with a few songs. here's a verse of one that I thought I'd bring around to you. I need opinions. This one is in memory of a friend of mine who died in a car crash a year ago. He would always write raps using an analogy like "Teddy bear with a blood stain", or "A dolly wrapped in barbed wire"... Thus I put together this peice--

behind her lies a trail of broken hearts and shattered dreams and bleeding back behind her are a thousand guys like me she's coming my way oh no oh hell i think she's coming to stay she's an angel, yes and angel but she's got a razor blade why do i put myself through this pain always dragging through the dirt what was beautiful now is a stain what was pleasure now hurts

I just wanna know if this seems to be going the way I want it too. The music itself was written for accoustic but I ran it through a clean electric guitar with an effects peddal the other day and it sounded great.

[Sage]

hey! those are some pretty good lyrics you are writing there! truly ART.
make a recording of you singing it! and/or playing it on the guitar.