In 1993, Emma and I argued most of the night, then found outselves in a room alone, and then we stopped arguing...
I was pretty keen on her back then, but phoning her the following week, she was heading off to Boston, and after that Adelaide... So, that, I thought was that. (Yes Bill, *THAT*
)In January, I'd made my parents a solemn promise not to cause any kind of scandal at the wedding, and it was extremely hard to keep that promise when Emma asked me to kiss her at the reception.
She proceeded to tell me her 6-year relationship in Auckland was going very poorly, and that she had thought of me many times over the years.
Well, I kept my promise, and I kept my hands and lips off her, and just listened to her talk about her bad relationship, and she cried on my shoulder about her Dad dying the previous year.
Anyway, she emailed me 2 days later, and came to visit me on her way to Dunedin for a job interview about 2 weeks after that.
What developed from there can only be described as a pretty intense relationship with her leaving Paul, and moving to Dunedin, 400 km south of here.
Since then we've spent every weekend together. She has a very high-powered contract and they fly her anywhere she wants to go each weekend. So she flies here (To Christchurch), to be with me.
I can honestly say I've never enjoyed anyone's company more. In fact, I'd ask her to marry me tomorrow if I thought she'd say yes.
The problem is, she's still not over Paul. She's also a very "nesty" type person, and she's still grieving for the life and home she made with him. (This despite the fact that a year before she left him she had told him what was wrong with them, and neither of them really did anything to fix what was broken between them.)
This has become more and more obvious to me over the last month, and last weekend, despite going to Queenstown skiing, we had a terrible time - ending up in a shouting match in the B&B room overlooking The Remarkables mountain range when we should have been making love.
This last month Emma has been withdrawn and not relaxed, and it was obvious to me what the problem was - but she wouldn't talk to me about it, which makes it kind of hard to do anything at all.
Anyway, today we've had the best day together, and tomorrow she's flying up to Auckland to see Paul, and to try and figure out what she's going to do with her life.
I've found it very hard to give her the freedom to go up there and see him. Find it very hard supporting her decision to go. However, I realise the old adage is true: If you love someone, set them free etc. (And no, I have no plans to hunt her down and kill her if she doesn't come back to me!)
I don't know if she's capable of making a decision based on a visit to see him, nor am I confident of the outcome by any stretch of the imagination.
I don't even know if it'll help her or hurt her. Or us.
What I do know, is that if she chooses her old partner over me, I'll be absolutely heart-broken, and have no idea how I'm going to deal with it. I've been hurt before, but not by any woman who I'm prepared to spend the rest of my life with.
She has told me a few times she is falling in love with me, and I likewise. She knows full well how I feel about her, and despite having a few misgivings about us, we have the most excellent time together, and I've enjoyed the happiest times of my life with her, in the last six months.
So, tomorrow at 8am she flies up to Auckland, and tomorrow at 6:50 pm she arrives back in Christchurch. I have no idea whether I'm going to be the happiest guy in the world, or the saddest at 7:00pm.
Tomorrow is going to be the longest day I've ever had in my entire life. I have a full bottle of Aaran Single Malt in the kitchen. Think I'm going to need a few belts from it, one way or another.
It's at this time, I'm thankful I was born lucky, instead of rich. I'm *REALLY* hoping my luck holds out too. So, wish me luck.
Love you Emms.
