Daily funny

[Dedman]

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton

**********************************************
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a
remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always
carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with
me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

************************************************************************

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand
how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

************************************************************************
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor. "It is essential
that husbands and wives know the things that are important to
each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's
favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently
and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
The rest of the story gets rather ugly.

************************************************************************
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. Confused, she says, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"

He answers, "You see, it's like this: yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers 'cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she."

Apparently, this guy is the one on the milk carton.

************************************************************************

THE BARRACKS DOOR
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down.
A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door
is open."

This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way
looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said,
"Your fly is open."
He zipped up and finished his shopping. He then intentionally got
in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his
"barracks door." He was planning to have a little fun with her.
When he reached her counter, he said, "When you saw my barracks
door open, did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?"
The lady (being smarter than a man, of course) thought for a moment
and said, "No. No, I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting
on two duffel bags."

************************************************************************
MERCEDES CONVERTIBLE
A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible.
He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind
blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great,"
he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal
even more.
Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper
behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away
from him with no problem," thought the man, and he tromped it some
more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph!
Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of
thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper
to catch up with him.
The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man.
"Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes, and
today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding
that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."
The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."

[CDN_Merlin]

ROFLMAO

[Top Wop]

Good stuff!

[Iceman]

"You see, it's like this: yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers 'cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she."

Yes, ROTFL!