The guy's rules.

snoopy · Post by **snoopy** » Fri Oct 01, 2004 11:29 pm

Rules Guys Live By

We always hear "the rules"from the female side. At last a guy has taken the time to write down "the rules" from the male side.

Finally, the guys' side of the story. These are our rules!
(Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! )

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

(if this has been posted before, it was long enough ago that it would be thread necromancy to resurrect it.)

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 12:22 am

YEA!

this rules!

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 12:45 am

yea, its been posted many many times before, but its a just as good read each time, so its worth being resurrected.

Anyone that aruges the above point or anyone that says "OLD" is not truly a man.

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 1:47 am

Remove that last one.

No woman will ever tell me to not sleep in my own bed.

Flabby Chick · Post by **Flabby Chick** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 3:37 am

Avder wrote:No woman will ever tell me to not sleep in my own bed.

LOL!! No women has ever told me, but i have.

Krom · Post by **Krom** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 7:15 am

Yep, this is one of those old but still funny ones that needs to be reposted once every 4-6 months.

Beowulf · Post by **Beowulf** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 7:35 am

Code of honor.

Zer0Cool · Post by **Zer0Cool** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 8:12 am

definatly worth a repost.

snoopy · Post by **snoopy** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 9:53 am

Yeah, you know, the last one has a point to it even if you still sleep in your own bed. The point is: it's fine that you're pissed off at me, it's not the end of the world for me.

s. · Post by s. » Sat Oct 02, 2004 11:17 am

I just posted it next to the mirror my wife uses. needless to say she informed me I will be "camping" for the next week or so

scrode

Sage · Post by **Sage** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 11:17 am

That is some good ★■◆●!

Lobber · Post by **Lobber** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 11:19 am

Could someone post or link the woman's rules? I've not seen them, and for some reason, I think I should....

Deadmeat · Post by **Deadmeat** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 1:56 pm

And if I'm in the middle of the forest with no one else around and I'M STILL WRONG, I really don't give a s**t.

Lothar · Post by **Lothar** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 2:57 pm

Avder wrote:No woman will ever tell me to not sleep in my own bed.

It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. With that attitude, it's very likely you'll never have the opportunity to share one.

snoopy · Post by **snoopy** » Sat Oct 02, 2004 11:11 pm

Lothar wrote:
Avder wrote:No woman will ever tell me to not sleep in my own bed.
It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. With that attitude, it's very likely you'll never have the opportunity to share one.

pwned. (From what I have seen to so, Lothar's 100% right)

rick_forrest · Post by **rick_forrest** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 8:17 am

We live by rules?

Unix · Post by **Unix** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 5:41 pm

These are along the same lines as the rules...

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able! to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long e! nough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Phaser · Post by **Phaser** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 6:32 pm

haha, that's funny!!

Are you serious? You think any female would go along with those rules?

s. · Post by s. » Thu Oct 07, 2004 7:52 pm

when you grow up you'll understand

scrode

Unix · Post by **Unix** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 8:33 pm

^
yep

Duper · Post by **Duper** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 8:43 pm

snoopy wrote:Rules Guys Live By

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

W3RD!

snoopy · Post by **snoopy** » Thu Oct 07, 2004 10:11 pm

snoopy wrote:Rules Guys Live By

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

lol, my g/f got a lesson in that one today.

Phaser · Post by **Phaser** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 6:36 am

That's just wrong snoopy...

roid · Post by **roid** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 6:41 am

Phaser wrote:That's just wrong snoopy...

what?

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 8:24 am

wtf is wrong about it?

...

s. · Post by s. » Fri Oct 08, 2004 8:47 am

s. wrote: when you grow up you'll understand

like I said phaser

scrode

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 10:52 am

Lothar wrote:
Avder wrote:No woman will ever tell me to not sleep in my own bed.
It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. With that attitude, it's very likely you'll never have the opportunity to share one.

Hey, a woman wants to try to get me to sleep on the couch, she can sleep there instead or go sleep at a hotel. Not the end of the world. I'm not gonna sleep on a couch just cause some estrogen-laden banshee is mad at some more than likely trivial item.

Unix · Post by **Unix** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 11:56 am

Avder wrote:
Lothar wrote:
Avder wrote:No woman will ever tell me to not sleep in my own bed.
It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. With that attitude, it's very likely you'll never have the opportunity to share one.
Hey, a woman wants to try to get me to sleep on the couch, she can sleep there instead or go sleep at a hotel. Not the end of the world. I'm not gonna sleep on a couch just cause some estrogen-laden banshee is mad at some more than likely trivial item.

Can I steal that?

Lothar · Post by **Lothar** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 3:12 pm

Avder wrote:some estrogen-laden banshee....

Lothar wrote:With that attitude, it's very likely you'll never have the opportunity to share [a bed].

snoopy · Post by **snoopy** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 3:48 pm

Phaser wrote:That's just wrong snoopy...

I didn't mean to- just she got pissed because I hadn't picked up on a hint. She learned that I don't pick up on everything, and that it isn't fair to expect me to. Like scrode said, you'll understand when you get older- it's all part of relationships.

Phaser · Post by **Phaser** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 6:44 pm

Well yea, i get it now..I guess it all depends on how you say it...so that way is cool

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Sat Oct 09, 2004 12:27 am

Unix wrote:
Avder wrote:
Lothar wrote:
Avder wrote:No woman will ever tell me to not sleep in my own bed.
It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. With that attitude, it's very likely you'll never have the opportunity to share one.
Hey, a woman wants to try to get me to sleep on the couch, she can sleep there instead or go sleep at a hotel. Not the end of the world. I'm not gonna sleep on a couch just cause some estrogen-laden banshee is mad at some more than likely trivial item.
Can I steal that?

STOLE'D!

Nexus_One · Post by **Nexus_One** » Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:08 am

Does this thread have anything to do with this thread phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=4028 ?

snoopy · Post by **snoopy** » Sat Oct 09, 2004 11:31 am

Nope: note this was first posted quite a while before the other one. And, the thing about her learning about hints happened at about the same time, but the two weren't connected.

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Sun Oct 10, 2004 1:51 am

Unix wrote:
Avder wrote:
Lothar wrote:
Avder wrote:No woman will ever tell me to not sleep in my own bed.
It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. With that attitude, it's very likely you'll never have the opportunity to share one.
Hey, a woman wants to try to get me to sleep on the couch, she can sleep there instead or go sleep at a hotel. Not the end of the world. I'm not gonna sleep on a couch just cause some estrogen-laden banshee is mad at some more than likely trivial item.

Can I steal that?

Yeah go ahead. And Lothar, a woman who tries to take over any aspect of my life instead of adding to it isnt worth my time to begin with. So shut up about the bad attitude thing. If shes trying to make me sleep on the couch for something trivial, shes got the bad attitude. If there has been one thing ive learned about women its that if you give them an inch they'll take a mile, so you dont give anything. Just so long as you dont be an a$$ about it, it wont kill everything.

KompresZor · Post by **KompresZor** » Sun Oct 10, 2004 8:11 am

Avder wrote:
Lothar wrote:
Avder wrote:No woman will ever tell me to not sleep in my own bed.
It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. With that attitude, it's very likely you'll never have the opportunity to share one.
Hey, a woman wants to try to get me to sleep on the couch, she can sleep there instead or go sleep at a hotel. Not the end of the world. I'm not gonna sleep on a couch just cause some estrogen-laden banshee is mad at some more than likely trivial item.

I think that's the same opinion John Wayne Bobbit had

The guy's rules.

The guy's rules.

Re: The guy's rules.

Re: The guy's rules.