) which is something that happens most mornings - I'm a man after all. 
Anyway, I'm looking at my shampoo bottle: Wella Balsam, for the record. On it, it proudly says "Shine & Protection" and it has also, two stickers. One declares "25% more FREE" and the other screams "New and Improved!". On the bottle, it also says, and I quote, "With natural fruit extracts and essences".
So, in my water-adled state, I start wondering about these things. Firstly, I'll admit, I quite like shiny hair - but how shiny should it be? Is there some sort of hair albedo rating? How shiny is too shiny? Is there such a thing as too shiny? I guess, on a sunny day, if you can't look at someone's hair, even with sunnies on, then that hair is too shiny. If it reflects incoming "laser beams", then I guess it's just shiny enough!
Now, 25% free sounds great. But it's telling me "25% more FREE" and I can only assume it's referring to the contents, because I am already 100% free - living in a western democracy - so it couldn't be about me. The concept of 125% Free making as much sense as "I'm out there giving it 110%!".
Strange how the concept of 100% doesn't seem to equate with many people's brains. I'm 99% sure 10% of people think 110% is what they give. And I'm equally sure that when they say they are giving 110%, they're actually giving about 55%, because in normal circumstances they give about 50%.
OK, so 25% EXTRA FREE means the contents should contain 25% more I suppose. However, the old bottles were 500ml (Half a litre - almost a pint) and the new ones should, therefore, contain 625 mls. The bottle says 600 mls though - which is clearly 20% extra and NOT 25%.
I guess the people who do this math (Marketing people) are not highly trained in the skills of math, but even a $1.95 calculator correctly finds what is 125% of 500.
Now, the "New & Improved" piqued my curiousity as well - and this doesn't even involve maths at all! This is simple logic: something is EITHER New or improved. It can't be both. Surely marketing people know this? Haven't 800,000 people repeatedly mentioned this to advertising people in passing?
Also, if it's NEW - how could I get 25% extra (20%) FREE?
If it's improved - HOW is it improved? I even dug through the waste basket in the bathroom to find the old bottle - and the contents on the bottle are identical!!11 Perhaps it's some new RATIO of these ingredients which make it "improved"? I'm reaching here - so help me out.
"With natural fruit extracts and essences". What the hell does this mean? What exactly is an "essence"? Personally, I like my fruit in a bowl, and if sticking it in shampoo makes it nice and smelly then all the better. But here's the kicker: NATURAL.
Now, I know a thing or three about science and biology (Bio was my best subject at school, just slightly ahead of "Girls") and I can't for the life of me figure out what an "unnatural fruit" is.
The feel compelled to say "natural" which implies there is an alternative. Are there any unnatural fruits? I mean, there are cumquats, and furless kiwis which are hybrids bred by man - but these surely, are natural fruits?
So, "fake/unnatural fruit"? You know, like the ones people have in a bowl somewhere near the kitchen. They're usually glossy, and covered in dust. Try getting some "extracts and essences" out of these! You'd have "Essence d'cardboard" and "Extract de la Papier Maché". So I'm glad they don't put *THAT* into my shampoo thanks very much.
I guess there are three morals to this story.
1) Advertising and marketing people are very stupid.
2) Customers are only slightly less stupid.
3) It doesn't pay to start wondering about such things.
