No Thanks - I'll grind my own pepper.

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 6:45 pm

What is it with restaurants and pepper grinders? I'm allowed to have a salt shaker, but if I want pepper - I have to ask someone, and then they come over with a grinder the size of my lower arm and want to grind pepper onto my meal for me!

WTF is up with that?

Are you afraid I'm going to steal your foot long pepper grinder? Do you really want to make me look like a total pussy with you standing there with your giant dick? Do you think I'm incapable of grinding my own pepper? What the hell do I do when I want MORE pepper? I feel like a ^%$^%$ing child putting my hand up and asking for more pepper!

Seriously, this stupid sh!t has got to stop!

So, now when I'm in a restaurant, and they want to grind my pepper - I just say to them, "No. Please leave the grinder here and I will serve myself. If you need it, please come back and ask for it."

This usually results in a reather hurt looking wait-person. "What?" they're thinking. "Why can't I be a big gigantic turd and grind your pepper for you?". "What am I sposed to do when I can't go round the other tables grinding pepper for them?"

Hey - here's a good idea - LET PEOPLE GRIND THEIR OWN FUSKING PEPPER FOR A CHANGE!

Look, adding spices to a meal is a very personal thing. People get really anal about it. If I want salt on my potato but not on my beans, then I"LL FREAKING DECIDE TO PUT IT THERE AND NOT HERE! Similarly, if I like lots of pepper on my meat, but not on anything else, then I'm going to damn well grind it where I like it. I'm not going to give detailed instructions to some pretentious idiot with a 4 kilogram pepper grinder!

It's actually got to the point now, that I tell restaurant managers that grinding pepper for people is a complete wank, and is designed to belittle and annoy people. NO ONE likes having pepper ground for them. NO ONE wants to feel like a child having to ask for it, like it's some clandestine thing which you should be ashamed of!

Hell, some people are so "polite" (read as "retarded") that they won;t even ASK for the pepper, because they are afraid of having attention bought to the fact that some moron is standing over their plate with what look like a baseball bat, or a giant dildo!

And why the bloody hell does a pepper grinder have to be 18 inches tall and weigh as much as an infant child? Seriously? Are you so lazy you only want to fill your pepper grinders once every 17 years? Is pepper so expensive it needs to be stockpiled inside the grinders in case of pepper-famine? (Last time I checked, pepper grows wild just about everywhere it's warm enough!)

Holding a pepper grinder which is half the length of your body, and trying to work the thing is like watching some 14 month old with DUPLO(tm): it's an exercise in unco-ordination!

And every time you use it you look like a moron, because the thing is so big it's in everyone's peripheral vision. Now I feel like I'm being watched by the Pepper Police: "Oy My God!! Did you see how much pepper he put on his Linguini Carbonara? What an animal!"

So, can I please ask you all to express your distinct disapproval at any restuarnt who tries to pull this insidious and stupid stunt. Let them know!

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 6:58 pm

Calm down, have some dip, and please, tell us, wtf are you talking about? Every restaraunt I've been to here in my entire freekin life has had a pepper shaker. The more ritzy ones have a suit with a pepper grinder that comes to your table every so often if you want freshly ground pepper.

You damned SheepShaggers are all backward

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 7:15 pm

Is that Sheep Dip you're offering? o_O

Phoenix Red · Post by **Phoenix Red** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 7:28 pm

Clearly mobius is not accustomed to the finer things in life. I prescribe one season of Chef with Lenny Henry.

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 7:42 pm

Quite the opposite in fact. I eat at Christhcurch's best restaurants twice a week - and at several of them they know me by my first name. Three of them are on speed dial for goodness sake!

Having a GF who earns 300K a year has some advantages!

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 7:47 pm

edited ... sorry forgot I wasn't in NHB

Phoenix Red · Post by **Phoenix Red** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 7:47 pm

...and by flipping out when the waitress tries to placate the chef by not letting you ruin his creations with the pepper, you show your lower class roots :p

Top Gun · Post by **Top Gun** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 8:17 pm

So Mobi, I guess you don't "like-a da pepper?"

/blatant SNL rip

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 8:20 pm

I am quite dissatisfied with the poll - there was no "No pepper please" option.

MD-2389 · Post by **MD-2389** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 8:34 pm

Mobi, maybe you should bring your own pepper shaker...

fliptw · Post by **fliptw** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 8:41 pm

Look, adding spices to a meal is a very personal thing.

yes...FOR THE CHEF COOKING IT FOR YOU, YOU ★■◆●!.

The reason why resturants worth their salt do not have peppermills on every table, besides the cost? So jerks like you don't smother the chef's hard work in strong ★■◆●ing spices AT FIRST GLANCE.

Yes, they would rather you taste it FIRST. The act of asking is supposed to make you feel stupid and impotent, cause you pretty much insulted the chef by asking. Remember, Mr Random-Factoid, pepper was used to cover the taste of ROTTING MEAT to make it edible. If you don't like it, don't eat out anywhere other than fast-food joints.

I only ever ask for pepper when I get food at subway. If anything, I add a little bit of salt. I wouldn't be surprised if thats the norm for most of the people on this board.

Phoenix Red · Post by **Phoenix Red** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 9:02 pm

fliptw wrote:
Look, adding spices to a meal is a very personal thing.
yes...FOR THE CHEF COOKING IT FOR YOU, YOU ****OLE!.

The reason why resturants worth their salt do not have peppermills on every table, besides the cost? So jerks like you don't smother the chef's hard work in strong ****ing spices AT FIRST GLANCE.

Yes, they would rather you taste it FIRST. The act of asking is supposed to make you feel stupid and impotent, cause you pretty much insulted the chef by asking. Remember, Mr Random-Factoid, pepper was used to cover the taste of ROTTING MEAT to make it edible. If you don't like it, don't eat out anywhere other than fast-food joints.

I only ever ask for pepper when I get food at subway. If anything, I add a little bit of salt. I wouldn't be surprised if thats the norm for most of the people on this board.

Thank you for bashing him over the head with what I was trying to say more gently :p

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 9:25 pm

fliptw wrote:yes...FOR THE CHEF COOKING IT FOR YOU, YOU ****OLE!

Well excuse me Mr. Fuskbag. Since when does ANYONE tell ME how to spice my food? Fcuk yuo and Fcuk the horse you rode in on too you loser.

Look, when I go a restaurant, I go to ENJOY food. If I want pepper on my food - THAT IS MY DECISION C0CK BITE.

If I'm paying $21 an Entree, $37 for a main meal, and $50 for a bottle of wine, THEN I AM THE CUSTOMER and the CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT. Get that through your Holier-than-thou-fat-head.

Choice is what dining out is all about. I resent any restaurant attempting to make the decision about salt and pepper for me.

The chef's palate is NOT MY PALATE! He is NOT in charge of deciding how I will BEST ENJOY MY MEAL. That's my job - and that's why I'm paying.

Thank you. I'm done now.

JMEaT · Post by **JMEaT** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 9:32 pm

Wow... It is just pepper...

And as an aside, ketchup is good on just about everything!

ccb056 · Post by **ccb056** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 9:35 pm

I guess it's modius' time of the month now.

(the 'd' was intentional)

roid · Post by **roid** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 9:39 pm

it's not a heavily personally planned gormet meal where the chef KNOWS the tastes of everyone he's cooking for. i agree with mobi, the pepper should be at the customer's easy discretion.

here's a cool idea. instead of pepper grinders on everytable, why not have a mallet so you can SMASH your own pepper. i recon freudian aggression wins over freudian penii. i'd rather hit things than stuff around with a phallus.

i am a fan of pepper. i'm not a fan of meat.

Tyranny · Post by **Tyranny** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 10:02 pm

simma down nao

Vindicator · Post by **Vindicator** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 10:13 pm

Mobius wrote:Get that through your Holier-than-thou-fat-head.

Ah, the irony.

DCrazy · Post by **DCrazy** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 10:34 pm

Pepper on salad = good. Pepper on subway = good. Pepper on French Fries = good.

Pepper on entree = bad form.

Gooberman · Post by **Gooberman** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 10:41 pm

Only entree I will put pepper on is steak.

Beowulf · Post by **Beowulf** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 10:44 pm

I don't know why I bother reading this board anymore.

DCrazy · Post by **DCrazy** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 10:45 pm

Yeah, as I was rethinking what I posted I kept thinking about steak. I'd have to agree with Goob.

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 10:46 pm

Most people do not like pepper on their food. You are the exception, not the norm, goodbye.

Gooberman · Post by **Gooberman** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 10:54 pm

After giving this more serious thought, I also put it on eggs.

Because sometimes I get them as my entree. Sometimes.

Jagger · Post by **Jagger** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 11:33 pm

Mobius, you genuinely have a sixth-sense: the ability to detect something inane and the moral dilemma lurking underneath. I picture you somewhat like the Hulk in this regard.

Don't stop. I find it 100% amusing.

Duper · Post by **Duper** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 12:02 am

...pepper .. on my.. salad? O_o

I'd rather eat spam....

Wang_Lo · Post by **Wang_Lo** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 12:03 am

heh "Customer is always right" Heh, step into my parents restaurant with that attitude we'll show you the door, We try to break the norm, if you don't like the food tough, don't gimme that "I am right" and "We should change it for you, cuz it's good business" bull ★■◆●, ya want it your way, cook your damn food!

Dumbass NZlanders

Duper · Post by **Duper** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 12:13 am

Actually Wang, I believe "The customer is Always right" was a marketing ploy by Maces in the early 20th century.

I totally agree with you. In general, you extend certain courtousies to the customer but by no means do they own the place. ..except maybe Alberston's where they say it's your store.. but don't try takin a leak in an isle.

They frown on that. guess they lied.

I have to agree with Jmeat. .. it's just pepper. Mobius, BYOP next time. Jmeat.. BYOK.

roid · Post by **roid** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 1:58 am

pepper on spam, that's not a bad idea.

Sirius · Post by **Sirius** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 3:12 am

ROFL. Another top-quality thread that really belongs in the NHB... such heat about pepper... :]

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 3:48 am

rofl.. how'd I miss this gem?

oh that's right.. most cafe threads are about as bland as John Kerry.

Krom · Post by **Krom** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 9:52 am

Ferno wrote:rofl.. how'd I miss this gem?

oh that's right.. most cafe threads are about as bland as John Kerry.

werd

MD-2389 · Post by **MD-2389** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 2:45 pm

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 5:06 pm

Niiiiiiiice halloween costume md, but you really ought to see a dentist

MD-2389 · Post by **MD-2389** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 6:48 pm

Avder wrote:Niiiiiiiice halloween costume md, but you really ought to see a dentist

Ya know, I really tried to get it looking as close as I could to your girlfriend's pic.

WarAdvocat · Post by **WarAdvocat** » Thu Nov 04, 2004 7:49 am

Heh. The thing mobi-diculous is leaving out is that there is a perfectly good pepper shaker on every table. It's only FRESH-GROUND pepper that requires a waiter's assistance. PRE-GROUND pepper is at your fingertips at all times.

Sorry. Mobius, YOU are a B!tch, and unless you tip VERY well... NAY, even if you tip VERY well, you are loathed and dreaded by the waitstaff at every establishment you frequent, as a result of your little food fetishes, hangups, endless customization requests and riduculous demands.

Ferno · Post by **Ferno** » Thu Nov 04, 2004 11:36 am

why do you even care?

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Thu Nov 04, 2004 1:36 pm

Now now people, lets be kind to Mobius. After all what can you expect from a citizen whose countrys national bird can't fly?

BigSlideHimself · Post by **BigSlideHimself** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 4:08 pm

Oh man, that's hilarious. I've never had a problem with the waiter putting pepper on for me, but I have often wondered why the thing is so big. But I think you answered your own question Mobias. I think the reason the grinder is so big, is because the waiter needs to feel like he's doing something you can't do. Imagine if the waiter had a small grinder leaning over your plate doing it for you. And p.s. the customer is rarely right.

roid · Post by **roid** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 12:02 am

maybe it evolved that way.

normal sized shakers used to be stolen a lot, so they made them huge like how they attach things to the keys to the toilet in usa refined oil distributers along the roadside.

but since that didn't stop them being stolen, the waiters now carry them.

or maybe they carry them for self defence. get it... pepper spray.

No Thanks - I'll grind my own pepper.

Would you like pepper on that sir?

No Thanks - I'll grind my own pepper.