On stake-out with woodchip

STRESSTEST · Post by **STRESSTEST** » Mon Nov 15, 2004 7:51 pm

Mobi doesn't like the word "that" either...

llClutchll · Post by **llClutchll** » Mon Nov 15, 2004 9:57 pm

Score:

Clutch - 1 cat 1 Raccoon

Woodchip - 1 alien memory wipe

I let Rocky go outside the entrance to Waterford Oaks Raceway. Really nice wooded area all around it.

Hattrick · Post by **Hattrick** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 12:23 am

awwwwww,

Now he can gorge himself on all the leftover hotdogs and hamburgers from the raceway fans.

At least he isnt bothering you anymore!

llClutchll · Post by **llClutchll** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 6:16 am

CRAP!

Look what I found this morning...

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 6:28 am

Clutch, maybe we should call you Dr. Dolittle

Oh...and don't even THINK of letting that go by my place

llClutchll · Post by **llClutchll** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 6:33 am

I wish I was... I'd tell this little bugger to remain calm, I'm releasing you in the center of a major freeway. No.. don't worry, lots of food will be provided by millions of motorists each day. You will be fine as long as you don't try to return to my house. Wait.. no need to raise your tail.. QUIT STOMPING YOUR FEET... AWWW CRAP!

KompresZor · Post by **KompresZor** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 6:35 am

ROFL!!!!!!
Clutch... just walk over to the live trap nice and slow, don't make any sudden movements. Open the trap door and walk away backwards, DON'T RUN! Don't stair at him, like looking him directly in the eyes it makes them nervous. Good Luck

After you take care of the skunk, go buy some "moth balls" and sprinkle them in and around the shed, they'll keep all the critters away.

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 10:01 am

Try throwing some sort of tarp over the cage. That way the skunk can't see you when you go to pick up the cage. In any case you may want to consider getting a trapping license so you can sell the fur. You seem to be in an productive area.

STRESSTEST · Post by **STRESSTEST** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 11:39 am

llClutchll wrote:CRAP!

Look what I found this morning...

rofl, PWNED!

llClutchll · Post by **llClutchll** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 11:59 am

This afternoon isn't going to be fun.

Just in case, I've taken the precaution to get the Skunk Remedy ingredients;

1 quart 3% hydrogen peroxide
1/4 cup baking soda
1 teaspoon liquid soap

Now let's see, where to drop the little stink bomb...

1) Ex boss's car
2) Local resturant with the horrible service
3) Crowded movie theater during a Michael Moore film
4) My ISP's lobby
5) Nearest house hosting a Subway Dancer server
6) Corner Day Care "Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."

Krags · Post by **Krags** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 1:11 pm

Clutch, my father has caught and released several skunks. They're actually some of the calmest creatures around. Just slowly put a tarp over the trap, load it in your car, find a good wilderness area, and let it go. You'll be fine.

STRESSTEST · Post by **STRESSTEST** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 1:15 pm

Krags wrote:Clutch, my father has caught and released several skunks. They're actually some of the calmest creatures around. Just slowly put a tarp over the trap, load it in your car, find a good wilderness area, and let it go. You'll be fine.

Yea... just go ahead and stick that sucker on the back seat of that pony of yours....

Im likeing the subwaydancer server ops house idea tho

Oh yea, take pictures of the ordeal

If you end up needing to take a bath, make sure you edit those for gross content.

STRESSTEST · Post by **STRESSTEST** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 4:43 pm

man, I need updates!

Bet51987 · Post by **Bet51987** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 4:49 pm

STRESSTEST wrote:
Krags wrote:Clutch, my father has caught and released several skunks. They're actually some of the calmest creatures around. Just slowly put a tarp over the trap, load it in your car, find a good wilderness area, and let it go. You'll be fine.
Yea... just go ahead and stick that sucker on the back seat of that pony of yours....

Im likeing the subwaydancer server ops house idea tho

Oh yea, take pictures of the ordeal If you end up needing to take a bath, make sure you edit those for gross content.

subwaydancer server ops house? Grrrrrrr

Bettina

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 4:53 pm

Hattrick wrote:
s. wrote:definatly
*snicker*

I'm laughing. You're earning what? $6.50 an hour? Sorry to say, you're unemployable for any decent job with that command of the English language.

TheCops · Post by **TheCops** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 4:54 pm

Mobius wrote:
Hattrick wrote:
s. wrote:definatly
*snicker*
I'm laughing. You're earning what? $6.50 an hour? Sorry to say, you're unemployable for any decent job with that command of the English language.

oh, the snob approach. that one will win them over.

MD-2389 · Post by **MD-2389** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 5:08 pm

STRESSTEST wrote:
Krags wrote:Clutch, my father has caught and released several skunks. They're actually some of the calmest creatures around. Just slowly put a tarp over the trap, load it in your car, find a good wilderness area, and let it go. You'll be fine.
Yea... just go ahead and stick that sucker on the back seat of that pony of yours....

Actually Bill, Krags is right. Hell, on an episode of Mythbusters, Adam and Jamie had a skunk in a cage (they were testing common "wive's tales" methods of getting rid of skunk funk) and they were short of hitting it physically trying to get the damn thing to spray them. All it did was move around in the cage and make a little noise. It wasn't just one skunk that did that, but three in a row! However, once they got one out of the cage and cornered it....well, things were just a tad bit different.

Hattrick · Post by **Hattrick** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 6:02 pm

MD-2389 wrote:
STRESSTEST wrote:
Krags wrote:Clutch, my father has caught and released several skunks. They're actually some of the calmest creatures around. Just slowly put a tarp over the trap, load it in your car, find a good wilderness area, and let it go. You'll be fine.
Yea... just go ahead and stick that sucker on the back seat of that pony of yours....
Actually Bill, Krags is right. Hell, on an episode of Mythbusters, Adam and Jamie had a skunk in a cage (they were testing common "wive's tales" methods of getting rid of skunk funk) and they were short of hitting it physically trying to get the damn thing to spray them. All it did was move around in the cage and make a little noise. It wasn't just one skunk that did that, but three in a row! However, once they got one out of the cage and cornered it....well, things were just a tad bit different.

LOL! I saw that episode!They did bomb out quite a few times!

roid · Post by **roid** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:43 pm

hmm, i watched an episode of jackass that says different.

llClutchll · Post by **llClutchll** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 9:18 pm

Mobius wrote:
Hattrick wrote:
s. wrote:definatly
*snicker*
I'm laughing. You're earning what? $6.50 an hour? Sorry to say, you're unemployable for any decent job with that command of the English language.

You are the grammar Fuhrer. All bow to your authority. You will crush all the inferior people under the soles of your jackboots, and any who question your motives will be eliminated. Your punishment is being the bane of every other person's existence, because you're constantly contradicting stupidity. Everyone will be gunning for you. Your dreams of a master race of spellers and grammarians frighten the masses. You must always watch your back. If only your power could be used for good instead of evil.

Hate to burst your bubble Mobi, but I do just fine for an annual salary. You would be surprised how much more employers are interested in people who work well together, and are proficient in their field over your run of the mill spelling nazi with an obsessive compulsive disorder.

Oh, and I found this site pretty accurate:

Are you a Spelling Nazi? Find out now!

Now for tonights chapter:

Stinky takes a ride!

Step 1: Warn your boss that you may not be in tomorrow
The boss was in meetings all day, so he has no idea of what's going on. Send him a email with a similar structure to this thread with cool pictures.

I made sure to request his home address at the end of the email: He knows that I need to ditch the skunk.

Step 2: Cover the Skunk

The little guy was pretty groggy when I started sneaking up on him with an old bed sheet.

10ft - He knows I'm here, but I don't think he can see me. If he is anything like his cousin the ferret, he only has a sight range of about 3 - 4 ft.

6ft - He took real interest and started half-heartedly bouncing his front paws

3ft - He's starting to shuffle a bit; locking his eyes on me. He's still not aiming at me at this point. I've slowed my progress to almost nothing, and moved the bedsheet lower to the ground to cover my leg movements

2ft - Just about there! Oh crap! He's getting up! Frell! Yup, he's getting pissed... Crap! I'm going for it... Just lean over and drape the cloth... Please hit the cloth... please hit the cloth!

Whew! I feel like I just ran a mile!

Step 3: Find Transportation

I don't know about you, but I really don't like the idea of this little bugger riding in my trunk! Unfortunately all of my neighbors who own trucks conveniently vanished this afternoon

I've got half a mind to just let this guy loose right here!

So... Looking around the driveway I have:
1) A nice 1990 Mustang convertible with no trunk to speak of
2) A 1968 Mustang I just finished restoring (also no trunk to speak of)
3) My wife's car! This couldn't possibly hurt the resale value of a 1998 Dodge Stratus!

I pop the trunk... You could put a body in there! I explain to my wife the options... She explains to me that my body would also fit just fine in there! Crap!
4) My winter beater - a 1994 Mercury Cougar. Perfect (if it was my wife's car)

After relocating the plastic and paper that I had previously laid down in my wife's car to protect the trunk over to the Cougar (I really don't understand why she didn't go for this idea) I CAREFULLY lift the critter into the trunk...

Daughter promptly slams the passenger door

Now we are off... Rush hour traffic with a skunk in the trunk. I start thinking how Jeff Foxworthy would just love to tell this joke. "You might be Redneck if..."

As we are driving along I realize how slow I have to go around corners, increase my breaking distance, and slow my acceleration. Hey! People usually HONK at drivers like me! Oh boy, this is going to be a fun ride!

So I told my daughter she had to be completely silent for the ride so she doesn't spook the skunk. Remember those leftovers we were using for bait? That's right - MEXICAN FOOD! Well I let one slip (nice and quiet) and suddenly my daughter's eyes get as big as dinner plates

I looked at her and smiled (both of the windows were up and locked) The poor kid initially thought the skunk had let loose... It was worse! She was writhing around in her seat begging me to stop and let the skunk get some fresh air! After a minute or two of quiet protests I let her have control of her window.

Step 4: Let your Stinky go!

After all that, it turns out that Woodchip and Kraggs were right... A covered skunk is pretty calm.

Here we are moving (very slowly and carefully) into position at an old abandoned park.

Believe it or not, we released the trap door while the cage was still covered. The little stinker wouldn't leave until I had removed the sheet from the entire trap!

After 5 minutes, I removed the sheet

Bye-bye little stinker... PLEASE DON'T COME BACK!

KompresZor · Post by **KompresZor** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 9:28 pm

lol...good job Clutch

JMEaT · Post by **JMEaT** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 9:34 pm

Krom · Post by **Krom** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 9:39 pm

hahahah!

Sarge · Post by **Sarge** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 9:57 pm

LOL, good stuff!

BTW, he was a big'un, wasn't he/she/it!

sheepdog · Post by **sheepdog** » Tue Nov 16, 2004 10:40 pm

Clutch, your wife is a lucky woman! What I wouldn't give for a guy who could/would do skunk relocation with his daughter in tow, without mishap. Wouldn't matter how much he made or how bad a speller he was.

BTW I think I was the first person to call Mobius a spelling Nazi (he has been actively policing grammar and spelling around here since day 1), but you definitely did a much funnier and complete spelling Nazi disamament.

STRESSTEST · Post by **STRESSTEST** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 1:43 am

hahah That's the best story ever! I love the wife comeback about you fitting in the trunk too

She's aces in my book lol

roid · Post by **roid** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 4:19 am

yay storytime. hehe, "your body would fit in the trunk too".

sheepdog · Post by **sheepdog** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 8:14 am

STRESSTEST wrote:hahah That's the best story ever! I love the wife comeback about you fitting in the trunk too She's aces in my book lol

Yes! I should qualify my earlier statement. It might have sounded like I think that your wife doesn't deserve you. Actually, it sounds like the two of you are both lucky in love!

WarAdvocat · Post by **WarAdvocat** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 9:12 am

heh heh heh. I encounter lots of wildlife in my back yard. So far, no need for relocation, and my woman would probably get mad if I did anything like that.

She likes to make friends instead.

heh.

Hattrick · Post by **Hattrick** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 9:29 am

Mobi you are definately a laugh a minute.

go find a doctor that will help remove the freakin dictionary from your a$$.

BTW, since your memory falls short (guess you had to give up the memory brain cells to be a better grammer policeman)I'll remind you that I in fact own my own business.
If ever I need to know how to spell every word in the english language correctly without fail, I'll hire some pompous over achieving college boy such as yourself to know it for me.

FU and have a nice day!

so back on topic!

Great story! Needed a good morning laugh!

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 9:33 am

Great job Clutch, of photo journalism. I'm glad my thread got some action from someone as I seem to have bombed out.

Sarge · Post by **Sarge** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 9:47 am

*It* has prolly been there, seen the trouble it would take to get the 'bait' and has left for greener pastures.

llClutchll · Post by **llClutchll** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 10:15 am

Woodchip: Sorry, I didn't intend to steal your thread bud... Your welcome to borrow the magic trap if you need it

Sheepdog... Yup, she rocks! Way more than I deserve.

Oh.. and last night we nailed the opossum:

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 10:37 am

No problem Clutch. I'm enjoying this emmensly.
The mighty opossum you have there is a relative of Roid in a matter of speaking. The only marsupial found in the U.S.

MD-2389 · Post by **MD-2389** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 1:14 pm

LOL @ Clutch's story

I am SO not riding in any vehicle with you.

That was just mean dude.

I hearby grant this thread the "Best Thread Evar!" seal of approval!

llClutchll · Post by **llClutchll** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 2:11 pm

Actually that opossum was really laid back. Never hissed at me, just kind of went with the flow.

I reset the trap after dropping that little bugger off last night. Something managed to get in, eat the bait, then proceed to escape from the trap and drag it half way across the yard.

Since I've caught:

1 Cat
1 Raccoon
1 Skunk
1 Opossum

That leads me to believe that it is one of these following animals:

Woodchuck (Groundhog) - which I don't believe could spring the trap open again
Fox - not flexible or powerful enough to re open it
Badger - I never heard it singing in the back yard, so I doubt it

Wolverine - no adamantium claw marks
So by process of elimination it must be:

El Chupacabra!
I'll keep you up to date

MD-2389 · Post by **MD-2389** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 2:14 pm

Maybe its El Chupanibre!

(Futurama ref)

Bet51987 · Post by **Bet51987** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:23 pm

llClutchll wrote:Actually that opossum was really laid back. Never hissed at me, just kind of went with the flow.
Since I've caught:

1 Cat
1 Raccoon
1 Skunk
1 Opossum

You are some SUPER guy. I know some who would have just shot them. Thanks for making me feel good.

Bettina

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:37 pm

Damn Clutch, the teeth spacing on that Chupacabra match up precisely with the teeth marks on my food container.

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:58 pm

That Chupacabra looks like a woman I dated once. I was having a dry spell and was VERY desperate.