How would you dance?

woodchip · Post by **woodchip** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 4:41 pm

Only the wacko democrats could come up with this:

A new survey of Democratic voters indicates that in a hypothetical match-up between Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and former presidential nominee John Kerry, most Democrats would choose suicide over either candidate.

The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesotaâ??s Opinion Research Institute, shows Mr. Kerry drawing 21%, Sen. Clinton 18%, and various forms of suicide 61%.

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

Testiculese · Post by **Testiculese** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:10 pm

Do I have a choice of various suicides? Mine, while effective, are boring.

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:16 pm

Given those three options, Suicide is indeed the most attractive option.

You should also add "Bite the Bullet and Vote Republican" "Vote Third Party" and "Not Vote".

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:21 pm

Additonally, thats a satire story. Has to be. Look at the headlines for his other stories. "Stienbrenner's wallet tests positive for steroids"

Funny tho.

Top Gun · Post by **Top Gun** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:03 pm

â??In a head-to-head match-up, a sharp stick in the eye beats Sen. Kerry by a two-to-one margin."

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:12 pm

If those are my only three options, I have to go with Kerry.

Will Robinson · Post by **Will Robinson** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:13 pm

Dedman wrote:If those are my only three options, I have to go with Kerry.

x2. in fact if those were my only choices I'd campaign hard for him!

Stryker · Post by **Stryker** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:20 pm

This is an anvil.

This is a head.

Hang one from the ceiling with some twine.

Lay on the floor with head underneath anvil.

Have friend cut twine.

Be saved from the doom of the universe.

Inari · Post by **Inari** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 8:24 pm

Suicide is my only option.

Instig8 · Post by **Instig8** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 9:27 pm

Sheesh Stryker... that's just sick. Imagine the mess left to be cleaned up. I would prefer lethal injection. I've personally seen it done literally hundreds of times (to non-human animals). No fuss, no mess. ... and the bodies can be recycled for soap and other niceties... pet food, hair conditioner, etc.

Stryker · Post by **Stryker** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 9:34 pm

Eh, just get a MD... there wouldn't be any matter left to make a mess to clean up.

Zoop! · Post by **Zoop!** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 10:33 pm

Look at me, I'm an undecided voter!

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 10:39 pm

Is that why your avatar is a bunch of static?

I wonder if anyone's ever been caught in an atom smasher. I wonder how quick/painful/messy that would be...getting particles shot through you at .999999c.

Birdseye · Post by **Birdseye** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 11:38 pm

I voted suicide!

dissent · Post by **dissent** » Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:52 am

Dang! You mean that Stargate thing ain't real??

DANG!!

Guess I'll just have to stay home and eat pizza.

Perhaps if we're lucky, the northeast will secede before the next election ...

Beowulf · Post by **Beowulf** » Sat Jan 08, 2005 2:44 pm

I'd vote McCain or Giuliani if my only other choices were Hillary and Kerry.

Tricord · Post by **Tricord** » Sat Jan 08, 2005 5:33 pm

Look, an excuse to commit suicide!

Top Gun · Post by **Top Gun** » Sun Jan 09, 2005 1:21 pm

There's always a fourth option...take them both out first.

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Fri Jan 14, 2005 12:06 pm

Seppuku / Hara-kiri fer moi ...

ccb056 · Post by **ccb056** » Tue Jan 18, 2005 8:57 pm

Hitler looks more appealing

How would you dance?

Choices for 2008

How would you dance?