Here's how you get a chick in my world:
1.) go to bar/nightclub/piggly wiggly and scout around for someone who you are attracted to.
1.b) if unsuccesful in first attempt or location, proceed to next girl or location on the list.
1.c) only approach women within 1 number above and 2 numbers below you. for example, if you are a 6, you can talk to a 7 or a 5, but an 8 is out of your league. if you are a 3, you may talk to a 4 or a 1 or a 2, but a 7 or higher is allowed to punch you in the face upon interaction.
2.) find out what they are drinking/purchasing/talking about before you intitiate contact.
2.b) in the case of bar or nightclub, approach her and say "excuse me, i'm not a big drinker but i had a hard day at work and want to kick back. what is the drink you are having called? it looks good." if she engages you in conversation, proceed to step 3. if she does not, refer to 1.b if she buys you a drink, skip section 3 and refer to section 4.
2.c) in the case of the piggly wiggly, approach someone who is selecting groceries and act like you just broke up with your girlfriend who did all the grocery shopping for you and you have no idea what you are doing. puppy face is key. if she reluctantly points you to the cereal isle then refer to 1.b. if she yells and cries rape, refer to 1.b. if she thinks you're cute and helps you out, refer to section 3.b.
3.) if you manage to get this far, make sure you're funny. especially if you are a 6 or below. being funny can sometimes award you 1 bonus point and knock you up to the upper tier: 7hood. if you make her laugh and she lets you buy her a drink, then proceed to section 4. if she loses interest because you failed at being funny or up close in better light you are actually a 5 when you appeared at first glance to be a 7 - refer to 1.b. if you havent been laid in more than 90 days, you may proceed to section 5.b.
3.b) if you have her interested in you enough to help you grocery shop, be a sweetheart and tell her that if she picks something out you will make it for her as thanks. this moment is crucial, as it will decide whether or not you're making sweet love to a fine young lady or to your right hand. right now is the time she will tell you she is married or committed or a lesbian, so refer to 1.b. make sure to stop by the hygeine section on your way out and pick up a nice bottle of lotion if this happens to you. if she agrees, all you have to do is refer to section 4.c.
4.) at this point, clearly she is interested in you. if she lets you buy her drinks and has to excuse herself to go to the ladies room, wait 10 minutes and then refer to section 1.b. i'm sorry buddy, but she bailed on you. if she comes back, tell her that you cant let her leave by herself, and offer to call her a cab because you're cousin was killed by a drunk driver and you cant let such a pretty thing put herself at that kind of risk. she cant say no to that unless she's a dyke, if that is the case refer to section 1.b. get in the cab with her and tell the driver to drop her off and then take you home. before she gets out she will ask you to come in, give you her number, or say thanks and get out. if she gives you her number, say thanks and refer to section 4.b. if she gets out also refer to section 4.b. if you go in with her, refer to section 5.
4.b) have the driver take you to the quickie mart to get some porno and a 40oz, as you'll need them to forget how much you suck with women. i mean seriously, if you got that far and didnt score, you dropped the ball somewhere dude. the important thing is to learn from your mistakes.
4.c) if you managed to get her to let you make her dinner, she's obviously going to expect it to suck. if she expects it to suck and she still lets you, you got her in the bag. if you cant grocery shop, you cant cook. thats what she's thinking. good thing you lied. =) make sure it takes place at her place, as relying on her to not stand you up is too huge a risk. when you get there, tell her that you can handle it and you want her to go relax for a little while. then, you work your magic, or if you really cant cook, you whip out the takeout you disguised in a grocery bag. when she's left the room then you take the opportunity to put on some barrrrrrrrrry white and light the candles, and pour the wine (that you had in the bag with the takeout) and set a romantic mood. you then refer to section 5.
5.)
5.b) if you cant score, try this.
Bloody Virgin!!
