Have a safe flight!

Pyro Pilots Lounge. For all topics *not* covered in other DBB forums.

Moderators: fliptw, roid

Post Reply
User avatar
JMEaT
DBB Meat ByProduct
DBB Meat ByProduct
Posts: 10047
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 1999 3:01 am
Location: USA

Have a safe flight!

Post by JMEaT »

An email I got a chuckle out of. Reminds me of some of the crap we type to the CSRs to close out service calls where I work.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.) (S= The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Unix
DBB Admiral
DBB Admiral
Posts: 1367
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 1999 2:01 am
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
Contact:

Post by Unix »

ROFL!!! I've never seen those. Great find.
Matrix
DBB Alumni
DBB Alumni
Posts: 763
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2001 2:01 am
Location: NJ
Contact:

Post by Matrix »

LMAO thats some great stuff
thx
User avatar
Krom
DBB Database Master
DBB Database Master
Posts: 16137
Joined: Sun Nov 29, 1998 3:01 am
Location: Camping the energy center. BTW, did you know you can have up to 100 characters in this location box?
Contact:

Post by Krom »

OLOLOL!! HAHAHA its not every day something posted on the DBB makes me laugh out loud.
User avatar
DCrazy
DBB Alumni
DBB Alumni
Posts: 8826
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2000 3:01 am
Location: Seattle

Post by DCrazy »

Quite honestly elling oh ell. Nice. :)
User avatar
Perediablo
DBB Ace
DBB Ace
Posts: 90
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2004 10:49 am
Location: Fort Worth, TX
Contact:

Post by Perediablo »

Those have been around a while to thouse of us in aviation, but still damned funny!!!!

We've got a few of our own in the Navy.

Gripe: HUD like totally blurry.
Fix: HUD like totally fixed to the max.

Gripe: Flight stick sloppy.
Fix: Cleaned stick and installed bib apron.

Just a few. Of course they were sent back to us by maintenance control as inappropriate, but still amusing.
Scratch
DBB Admiral
DBB Admiral
Posts: 1202
Joined: Wed Apr 12, 2000 2:01 am

Post by Scratch »

:D good stuff!
User avatar
Mobius
DBB_Master
DBB_Master
Posts: 7940
Joined: Sun Jun 03, 2001 2:01 am
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Contact:

Post by Mobius »

Funny. Old.

Qantas = no.
gripes = no.

US Air Force = yes.
"Squawkies" = yes.
User avatar
AceCombat
Owned by Timex
Owned by Timex
Posts: 6516
Joined: Sat Apr 12, 2003 2:01 am
Location: Oakwood, GA

Post by AceCombat »

that stuff has been around for awhile, but very funny everytime i see it
User avatar
Boo
DBB Ace
DBB Ace
Posts: 413
Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2004 3:01 am

Post by Boo »

ROFL :D Never seen those before
Post Reply