Live Chat With Earthlink Technical Support

Pun · Post by **Pun** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:12 am

So I'm trying to resolve a huge slowdown in my throughput. I'm on a live chat with a tier 1. The guy gives me this long list of buIIsh!t to do, which is obviously scripted. Check this out:

d3pun: I've done all that, Lance
d3pun: I've been through this before
Lance N: Have you wrapped the dsl modem in an aluminum foil too?
d3pun: lol
d3pun: what?
d3pun: you're kidding, right?
Lance N: No, Please try wrapping the dsl modem in aluminum foil as it has resolved
the connection problems with many customers.
d3pun: so, uhh, let me get this straight...
Lance N: Wrapping the DSL modem in aluminum foil decreases the interferences with
the DSL modem and you must get good connection speeds.
d3pun: my modem has been sitting here on the shelf for 4 years.
d3pun: nothing has changed
d3pun: I've never had a problem
d3pun: and now you want me to wrap it in foil?
Lance N: Please try so that we can make sure that it is not a problem with interferences
with the DSL modem.
d3pun: ok, I'm gonna do it.
d3pun: be right back.
d3pun: Is Reynolds Wrap Heavy Duty OK?
Lance N: Yes go ahead.
d3pun: ok. I got this thing wrapped up like a pound of hamburger.
what now?
Lance N: Now check the connection speed and let me know the result.
d3pun: 645 kilobits per second
d3pun: same
d3pun: well
d3pun: .7 kbps slower, to be precise
d3pun: can I take this foil off now?
d3pun: it looks gay and I'm afraid my modem is gonna overheat.
Lance N: Okay you can remove it.
d3pun: thanks

WarAdvocat · Post by **WarAdvocat** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:19 am

I read the preceding transcript and I know what went wrong:

You forgot to wear your foil-encased copper-wire framed pyramid hat while wrapping the modem, so obviously some of your own neural emissions got trapped in the foil in which you wrapped the modem, thereby causing "interferences"[sic].

YOU NEWB!

Hattrick · Post by **Hattrick** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 11:03 am

Damn,

here I thought the Charter techs were idiots.Well okay, theyre still idiots but man!

Maybe the reynolds heavy duty wasnt good enough.
Go buy several other brands and try again!

Vertigo 99 · Post by **Vertigo 99** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 11:36 am

i had a very similar live chat with a Dell tech support person, about my harddrive that died. the best part of the chat went something like this:

"Her: Ok, you need to flash your Bios to the latest version.
me: Uhhh how do i do that?
Her: (long, lengthy, 1 page explanation about how to get the latest drivers off the dell technical support site, detailing every little thing)
me: Um yea, I knew that already. What I was asking is 'how can I update my bios when my computer won't even start.'"

at that point, she finally just said "uhh yea we're sending you a replacement."

DigiJo · Post by **DigiJo** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 11:44 am

earthlink techsupport team in a conference, consulting mel gibson for advanced advice.

Dedman · Post by **Dedman** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 12:20 pm

Hattrick wrote:Maybe the reynolds heavy duty wasnt good enough.

Try encasing it in lead. That should do the trick.

snoopy · Post by **snoopy** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 12:47 pm

Dedman wrote:
Hattrick wrote:Maybe the reynolds heavy duty wasnt good enough.
Try encasing it in lead. That should do the trick.

Actually, I think solid steel plate with a DC current running through it would work better- I remember something about skin effect from physics.

Scratch · Post by **Scratch** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 2:23 pm

OMG!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!! Man I can see some schmoe at home with his modem wrapped in aluminum foil....he would look something like this:

[]V[]essenjah · Post by **[]V[]essenjah** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 3:37 pm

ROFL!! Reminds me of some tech support crap I went through heh.

I remember the guy kept telling me repeatedly every detail about how to go into my computer and check my internet setup with every tiny little minute detail. Every time I would try to tell him that I was allready a number of steps ahead of him, he would tell me, "Sir, please just do what I tell you to do! Listen Sir, when when I tell you to do something, I need you to do it!"

Meanwhile I'm allready checking the number about 10 steps ahead of his instructions. :
This was after I explained to him a couple of times that I set up my own connection and didn't use theirs software.

Krom · Post by **Krom** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 3:47 pm

Wrap it in foil, thats got to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard from the tech support end. Priceless!

Pugwash · Post by **Pugwash** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 4:18 pm

I cant stop laughing about this one, it's classic.

Boo · Post by **Boo** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 4:56 pm

I love tech support

AceCombat · Post by **AceCombat** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 6:15 pm

Pun, call your ISP and have that dumbf00k SOB fired.

Mr. Perfect · Post by **Mr. Perfect** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 11:28 pm

Back in the day, I was trying to disable my on-board video so I could install a V3 2000. I called up tech support and was told I cold find the disable jumper on the motherboard "next to the thing that looks like a six-pack". Aparently that's all his schematic had to go on. I suspect that's what he was going on too. Never did find any jumper.

Iceman · Post by **Iceman** » Fri Feb 11, 2005 8:17 am

Ya know what is pathetic? That guy is actually getting paid ...

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Fri Feb 11, 2005 2:01 pm

Oh man, you have GOT to send that transcript to Computer stupidities !!

Lothar · Post by **Lothar** » Fri Feb 11, 2005 4:34 pm

Mobius wrote:Oh man, you have GOT to send that transcript to Computer stupidities !!

Mobi needs to read the bottom of the page:

Currently we are NOT accepting new anecdote submissions, as we are backlogged by about 800 submissions and have little hope of catching up any time in the near future.

Avder · Post by **Avder** » Fri Feb 11, 2005 4:43 pm

You could always submit it to bash.org

Mobius · Post by **Mobius** » Sat Feb 12, 2005 2:24 pm

Lazy computer stupidities people.

Top Gun · Post by **Top Gun** » Sat Feb 12, 2005 2:42 pm

Mobius, that is quite possibly the best website I have ever seen.