Church Bulletin Bloopers
Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2004 11:27 pm
May be old to some, but new to me, and funny. disclaimer: this post is 100 % intended to be some funny plays on words, meanings altered by syntax, misspellings, and nothing more.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
> Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several
> new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
>
> The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning
> to join the choir.
>
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
> Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>
> The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green
> beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. For those of
> you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
>
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
> person(s) you want remembered.
>
> Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
>
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and
> gracious hostility.
>
> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to follow.
>
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
> seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This evening at 7 P.M. there
> will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket
> and come prepared to sin.
>
> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are
> invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
>
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
> lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday
> morning.
>
> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back
> door.
>
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
> basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this
> tragedy.
>
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
> use large double door at the side entrance.
>
> Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
>
> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
> last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
> Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>
> Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several
> new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
>
> The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning
> to join the choir.
>
> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
> Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>
> The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green
> beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. For those of
> you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
>
> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
> person(s) you want remembered.
>
> Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
>
> The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and
> gracious hostility.
>
> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to follow.
>
> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
> seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This evening at 7 P.M. there
> will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket
> and come prepared to sin.
>
> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are
> invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
>
> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
> lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday
> morning.
>
> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back
> door.
>
> The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
> basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this
> tragedy.
>
> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
> use large double door at the side entrance.
>
> Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
>
> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
> last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
.