DescentBB

Do you ever have one of those nights where you get in a fight with your wife and she hits you in the mouth with a blunt object and bloodies your nose and knocks out two of your teeth and the neighbors hearing the chaos call the cops and the cops come and put you in their squad car and tell you to choose between going to jail or taking a taxi to a hotel and you assume taxi is better so they call a cab and you sit in the back of the squad car with dried blood on your face waiting 20 minutes for the taxi (unbeknown to you the taxi is already in transit - ripping up the roads and sliding through the yellows - he's just finishing a power ballad - sheer jubilation about this PD Call - he charges $15 bucks on top of the meter and if you refuse to pay it you get to go to jail - captive audience. heh. I.) and the cab finally gets there and the driver greets the cops, good evening officers! and you can't understand how someone could be so happy at this hour while doing that job, and the officer puts you in the back of the taxi and tells the driver to take you to a hotel and the driver asks you how your night is going and before you can finish telling him that your wife hit you in the mouth with a blunt object and bloodied your nose and knocked out two of your teeth the driver tells you he's sorry to hear that and it will be $15 dollars over the meter to take you to the hotel and you know he's got you pegged but then you tell him to take you to the closest one and he tells you it's the LaQuinta 2 miles away but that it costs 90 bucks a night and so you tell him to take you to the cheapest one and he tells you that it is the Motel 6 and it is 70 bucks a night and you say 'good take me there' and then he says ok! but then explains to you the difference in cost to drive to the Motel 6 makes it more expensive than the LaQuinta and so you have to sit there and think for a minute and then you realize that the meter is running, at a dollar a minute, while you're thinking and realizing how expensive the hotel and cab is you get out of the cab to plead with the officers (cost of pleading: $3.80) and explain to them that the cab is going to charge you $15 over the fare and the hotel is expensive but the officers explain to you that you can either take the cab or go to jail and so you get back in the cab and the meter is now at 9 dollars and you haven't even pulled out of the driveway and you resignedly tell the driver to take you to the hotel and the driver tells you he can't take you without a deposit and you grumble something about being screwed over and hand him the only bill in your wallet which is a $100 and the driver says he'll give you change at the hotel and you grumble something about him betting his ass that he will give you change at the hotel and the driver says yea I just said that and you grumble something else but quieter this time, and he drives two miles to the hotel and the meter is now at 13.00 and you tell him to wait a second so you can check with the desk and the driver says take your time sir! as he clicks the meter back on, so you leave your bag and go in and talk to the desk and then go to the bathroom to wash the dried blood off your face and when you come out the desk girl tells you the driver tossed your bag in the lobby and sped away and you get angry and say mean things about the driver behind his back (the driver later will learn this fact when he talks to the hotel girl on the phone) for taking your 100 bucks and running but 2 seconds later the desk phone rings and the desk girl gives you the phone it's for you, and a voice says evening sir! and it's the driver and he tells you that he put your change - $70 - in your duffel bag and you are momentarily relieved but only momentarily, then: IT COST ME 30 BUCKS FOR YOU TO DRIVE 2 MILES??!? and then the driver re-explains the 15 dollar surcharge and all the expensive thinking you did and reminds you for the last time that you could have gone to jail and you mumble something under your breath like \"at least they screw you from behind in jail\" which actually doesn't make sense and while the driver is confused over what you said you slam the phone down and call for ANOTHER cab to take you BACK home to the apartment because presumably the police have left and you can make up with your wife and sleep in your own bed (unbeknown to you when the bad driver is many miles away he hears dispatch over the CB order another cab to the LaQuinta at which point the driver cranks the radio, rolls down the window, and crows into the night) and another taxi driver picks you up and the ride home costs only $4.60? Me neither.

OMG, wow. Sorry, couldn't get passed the fifth line. I can't get a breath reading that - it's horrendous! Haven't you ever heard of punctuation?

Why are you with a woman who hits you?

For some reason, I waisted my time with some minor reformatting...

Do you ever have one of those nights where you get in a fight with your wife and she hits you in the mouth with a blunt object and bloodies your nose, and knocks out two of your teeth? And then the neighbors, hearing the chaos call the cops and the cops come and put you in their squad car and tell you to choose between going to jail or taking a taxi to a hotel?

You assume taxi is better so they call a cab and you sit in the back of the squad car with dried blood on your face waiting 20 minutes for the taxi (unbeknown to you the taxi is already in transit - ripping up the roads and sliding through the yellows - he's just finishing a power ballad - sheer jubilation about this PD Call - he charges $15 bucks on top of the meter and if you refuse to pay it you get to go to jail - captive audience. heh. I.).
The cab finally gets there and the driver greets the cops, good evening officers! and you can't understand how someone could be so happy at this hour while doing that job.
The officer puts you in the back of the taxi and tells the driver to take you to a hotel and the driver asks you how your night is going, and before you can finish telling him that your wife hit you in the mouth with a blunt object and bloodied your nose and knocked out two of your teeth the driver tells you he's sorry to hear that and it will be $15 dollars over the meter to take you to the hotel. You know he's got you pegged but then you tell him to take you to the closest one, and he tells you it's the LaQuinta 2 miles away but that it costs 90 bucks a night and so you tell him to take you to the cheapest one. He tells you that it is the Motel 6 and it is 70 bucks a night and you say 'good take me there' and then he says ok! But then explains to you the difference in cost to drive to the Motel 6 makes it more expensive than the LaQuinta and so you have to sit there and think for a minute.
You then realize that the meter is running, at a dollar a minute, while you're thinking and realizing how expensive the hotel and cab is you get out of the cab to plead with the officers (cost of pleading: $3.80) and explain to them that the cab is going to charge you $15 over the fare and the hotel is expensive but the officers explain to you that you can either take the cab or go to jail and so you get back in the cab.

The meter is now at 9 dollars and you haven't even pulled out of the driveway, and you resignedly tell the driver to take you to the hotel, and the driver tells you he can't take you without a deposit. You grumble something about being screwed over and hand him the only bill in your wallet which is a $100 and the driver says he'll give you change at the hotel. You grumble something about him betting his ass that he will give you change at the hotel and the driver says yea I just said that and you grumble something else but quieter this time.
He drives two miles to the hotel and the meter is now at 13.00 and you tell him to wait a second so you can check with the desk and the driver says take your time sir! as he clicks the meter back on, so you leave your bag and go in and talk to the desk and then go to the bathroom to wash the dried blood off your face and when you come out the desk girl tells you the driver tossed your bag in the lobby and sped away and you get angry. You say mean things about the driver behind his back (the driver later will learn this fact when he talks to the hotel girl on the phone) for taking your 100 bucks and running, but 2 seconds later the desk phone rings and the desk girl gives you the phone.
It's for you, and a voice says evening sir! and it's the driver and he tells you that he put your change - $70 - in your duffel bag and you are momentarily relieved but only momentarily, then: IT COST ME 30 BUCKS FOR YOU TO DRIVE 2 MILES??!? and then the driver re-explains the 15 dollar surcharge and all the expensive thinking you did and reminds you for the last time that you could have gone to jail. You mumble something under your breath like \"at least they screw you from behind in jail\" which actually doesn't make sense, and while the driver is confused over what you said you slam the phone down and call for ANOTHER cab to take you BACK home to the apartment.

Presumably the police have left and you can make up with your wife and sleep in your own bed (unbeknown to you when the bad driver is many miles away he hears dispatch over the CB order another cab to the LaQuinta at which point the driver cranks the radio, rolls down the window, and crows into the night) and another taxi driver picks you up and the ride home costs only $4.60? Me neither.

Sorry to hear the bad night news. But those run onnnnnnnnn sentences with all that blue & black background gave me a headache.

Sad news but why were the police ready to bring you to jail if your wife did the crime? What parts are you not telling us?

I'm not inclined to believe the events recounted actually happened.

Nope.

Thenior wrote: Do you ever have one of those nights...? Me neither.

No, I don't believe it actually happened.

sounds like something from fml.com

so slider is back. yay?

I beleive it's fake also. What man would post being abused by his wife in an online forum?

Waste of bandwidth.

If you are as bad a husband as you are a writer, I'd say you got off easy!

Unless the wife had marks of abuse on her, then she would be the one going off to do jail time.

..as I was going to Saint Ives.....

Finish him!

Dedman wrote:

Dedman wins.

That sounds like a bad night. But I love how important grammar is, on this forum. This turned out to be a very funny thread.

woodchip wrote:Unless the wife had marks of abuse on her, then she would be the one going off to do jail time.

This is horse ★■◆●.
If there is any domestic disturbance whatsoever, the man's gotta leave, even if it was all her, they show up and she's holding a golf club, whatever. Happened to me once when the girlfriend was on the month and kept attacking me. I always came home late and drunk and she smashed me in the face with a JD bottle. I called her friend to cool her down, but she just called the cops.

What Slide here needs to do is go home and throw her out of the house for good. See how she handles the street.

I'm the driver.

SilverFJ wrote:

woodchip wrote:Unless the wife had marks of abuse on her, then she would be the one going off to do jail time.

This is horse *****.
If there is any domestic disturbance whatsoever, the man's gotta leave, even if it was all her, they show up and she's holding a golf club, whatever. Happened to me once when the girlfriend was on the month and kept attacking me. I always came home late and drunk and she smashed me in the face with a JD bottle. I called her friend to cool her down, but she just called the cops.

What Slide here needs to do is go home and throw her out of the house for good. See how she handles the street.

Sorry to disabuse you of your notion but I'm speaking from personal experience. My ex-wife went off one day and I called the cops. She spent the night in jail, I stayed at home.

woodchip wrote:

SilverFJ wrote:

woodchip wrote:Unless the wife had marks of abuse on her, then she would be the one going off to do jail time.

This is horse *****.
If there is any domestic disturbance whatsoever, the man's gotta leave, even if it was all her, they show up and she's holding a golf club, whatever. Happened to me once when the girlfriend was on the month and kept attacking me. I always came home late and drunk and she smashed me in the face with a JD bottle. I called her friend to cool her down, but she just called the cops.

What Slide here needs to do is go home and throw her out of the house for good. See how she handles the street.

Sorry to disabuse you of your notion but I'm speaking from personal experience. My ex-wife went off one day and I called the cops. She spent the night in jail, I stayed at home.

x2. A friend of mine was scratched by his girlfriend. She called the cops to kick him out, of THEIR apartment. The cops showed up after the fight was over, but they still took her to jail, because they saw scratch marks on his face. Because, with out thinking, he said, "These? Their from her." She then called the cops pigs and kicked them, as they cuffed her.

I'm pretty sure I dated that gal

Better you than me...

ya know, this thread is getting a a lot more attention than it's worth.

Yes. We must stop posting here.

Mine was personal experience too, and not 40-50 years ago when it probably happened to woodchip . I was bleeding profusely out of the mouth and they took me in, constantly asking me \"well, what did you do to deserve it?\". Horse ★■◆●.

Isaac wrote:Yes. We must stop posting here.

Rule 116. Combo breakers are inevitable. If the combo is completed successfully, it is gay.

Whoa! Did I see some \"heh... I.\" in there? That's old school. Who did that in the first place? TheFragile?