DescentBB

INT. WHITE VOID

Streeter enters frame.

STREETER
Quick question: Who are the biggest
nerds in the world?

Jeff LEANS INTO FRAME and waves.

STREETER
Nope, it's not people like him.
It's religious people. Not this
kind of religious person, mind you.

Streeter opens a DOOR to reveal a FRIENDLY MAN.

FRIENDLY MAN
I'll come by and watch the game
after church.

STREETER
(closes the door)
I'm talking about this guy.

Streeter opens the door again. It's now an EVANGELIST.

EVANGELIST
Let me ask you a question: have you
heard the greatest story ever told?

Streeter shuts the door in his face.

STREETER
A nerd is a person who is
passionately obsessed with
something, like math or science
fiction or a series of books,
right? And who are more into their
books than religious people?

He passes a free-floating WINDOW. The Evangelist pops up.

EVANGELIST
(pointing to bible)
Repent, young man, for, lo, His
word is gospel!

Streeter pulls down the shade.

NEW SHOT. There's a LARGE PILLAR in the BG.

STREETER
The details reveal even greater
similarities. For instance, have
you ever listened to religious
people argue?

A RELIGIOUS MAN and WOMAN, both uptight, enter frame.

RELIGIOUS WOMAN
Mark 21:12 clearly states that
worldly goods are evil. "And Jesus
threw the moneylenders from the
temple!"

STREETER
Bickering over minutiae, quoting
the source material, arguing over
interpretation - sound familiar?

RELIGIOUS MAN
(adjusting his glasses)
Uh, Matthew 22:21: "Render unto
Caesar the things which are
Caesars!" Because-

The two pass behind the pillar. When they emerge, they're
NERDS.

MALE NERD
-midi-chlorians are clearly what
Obi-Wan meant when he said the
force "binds us" and "penetrates
us."

FEMALE NERD
Oh YEAH RIGHT! Like Obi Wan would
ever be that literal-

He continues as the pair exit frame.

STREETER
That's just how they interact with
each other. Ever told a nerd you're
not into that thing they're into?

The male nerd re-enters in a Firefly shirt and holding DVDs.

MALE NERD
Dude! You watch Firefly yet?

STREETER
Nah. Not really my thing, so -

Streeter starts backing away to the left. The nerd
aggressively follows, waving the DVDs.

MALE NERD
COME ON! It's SO GOOD! It will-

The nerd passes behind the pillar, suddenly becoming a
RELIGIOUS MAN again. His DVDs are now a BIBLE.

RELIGIOUS NERD
-change your life! My Wednesday
night prayer group is just the
thing you need, pal!

Streeter, fleeing him, exits to the right.

NEW SHOT. Streeter enters, pausing between a CHUBBY NERD and
a PREACHER.

STREETER
And when both get to arguing, only
one thing can settle it: word from
the creator Himself. Usually a
large white man with a beard.

THUNDER AND LIGHTNING. As Streeter gestures to each of them:

PREACHER
(holding a bible)
And God spoke to Moses from within
the bush!

CHUBBY NERD
(holding up a pic of him)
George R. R. Martin just tweeted!
Wights can't be killed by
decapitation!

As Streeter, two CONGREGATIONS - people in medieval costumes
for the nerd, altar boys with candles for the preacher -
simultaneously enter. One of the nerds sets up a GLOWING TV.

STREETER
The similarities don't end there.
They both enjoy dressing up in
elaborate costumes, have some
interesting thoughts about
dinosaurs, and often gather to
worship in silence.

A COSTUMED NERD turns around and SHUSHES Streeter.

COSTUMED NERD
Thrones is on!

Street exits, quietly apologizing, and enters in a NEW SHOT.

STREETER
Religious people aren't just nerds,
they're the only nerds willing to
kill you over the belief that their
franchise is better than yours.
You've never seen this happen.

Streeter exits past camera. Into the empty white, two
ARMIES, one YELLOW with a KIRK BANNER, the other RED with a
PICARD BANNER, scream and charge each other. They quickly
run out of breath. A few pull out inhalers.

NEW SHOT. Streeter enters.

STREETER
Religious nerdiness is so extreme
it's actually dangerous. How many
people have died because the Koran
nerds couldn't stand the Torah
nerds, or because the Bible nerds
couldn't stand the Koran nerds?


A CRUSADER enters battling an scimitar-wielding INFIDEL.

STREETER
See?

CRUSADER
(pointing)
ONWARD, TO THE REN FAIRE!

The two exit.

STREETER
Well, you get the idea.

Street walks past a row of PEOPLE KNEELING.

STREETER
Now, there's nothing wrong with
faith, or spirituality, or worship.

At the end of the row, there's an ANGRY MAN throwing a fit
and attempting to get everybody else riled up.

STREETER
But if you're the kind of person
who will obsess over things to the
point where you're willing to kill,
maybe you should choose something a
little less intense than religion.
Like Dr. Who. Or Settlers of
Catan.

Streeter takes the angry man and walks him to Jeff, now
playing Catan with the Crusader and the Infidel from before.
The angry man hesitantly sits downs and joins them.

STREETER
Because whether you're a religious
nerd or a normal nerd, the net
result is the same: little to no
pre-marital sex.

JEFF
I need those sheep, man

How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
One to move it to the lighting section
Two to argue, then move it to the electrical section
Seven to point out spelling/ grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
Five to flame the spell checkers
Three to correct spelling/ grammar flames
Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another six to condemn those six as stupid
Two industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
Fifteen know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
Nineteen to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
Eleven to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
Thirty-six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URLs
Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "me too"
Two to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
Five to say, "Didn't we go through this already a few months ago?"
Nine to say, "Do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
One forum lurker to respond to the original post eight months from now and start it all over again

roid wrote:Please keep it on-topic flip

CUDA wrote: Fixed it for ya

Please should be capitalized

roid wrote:Please keep it on-topic, flip.

Gooberman wrote:I thought the movie had a good precedent, but did not capitalize as well as it could have. Devote christians are nerds, it requires going to class once a week and doing your homework.

thats not a bad thing.

Gooberman wrote:...did not capitalize as well as it could have.