DescentBB

I had an interesting exchange on my way back from class yesterday... I'd like to know what you guys think I should have done, what I should do in the future, and what I should conclude from the exchange.

I'm walking into the train station, half a pack of saltine crackers in hand, and a pair of crackers in my mouth. A woman approaches me:

Woman, softly: "Could you help me with some food"

I poke the half-pack of saltines at her, she shakes her head no. My mouth is full of cracker, so I indicate to her to wait for a moment for me to chew.

Me: "Okay, now what can I do for you?"
Woman: "Maybe could I get a sandwich?"
Me: "Do you want my saltines?" - I poke the pack at her again. She shakes her head no again.
Me: "These are all I have for myself, if you don't want them then sorry."

She walks away, I go on to my train.

First, is there any way that you guys would have handled it differently? Would you have given her money (I didn't have any cash on me, but an ATM was right there)?

Second, I've actually had people approach me for money before...The one day that I went dressed up in my nice work clothes I was approached twice... since then I've dressed down & this is the only other time I've been approached. I might try dressing up again as a social experiment to see if I get targeted again. (Incidentally, I've also stayed more to place where a lot of people are since then, too)

Third, I'm wondering about carrying a full pack of saltines with me all the time, unopened. I'm thinking of having actual food ready to offer if people approach me, to see if my offers of food get turned down again. If I'm approached about a train ticket, I'm thinking about offering to walk with the person down to the ticket sales booth and buy them a ticket to wherever they claim to be trying to get.

Finally, I was quite annoyed. I really want to help those that genuinely need help. It really bothers me when I'm being deceived. Am I right to be annoyed over it?

Was there anyplace nearby to buy something more substantial? (Doesn't happen often, but for someone who is honestly hungry, my wife and I have sometimes found a food vendor or restaurant, and purchased something for them.)

I refuse to give money or buy anything to people who beg. I know some of you may find that harsh but I work hard for my money and don't have much for myself let alone to give away to others.

You handled it perfectly in my book. Had you gone to an ATM, she could have mugged you or had someone waiting near by to do it. Giving them money they will probably just spend it on drugs or booze.

EDIT: Changed OF to HAVE for ST.

Right or not, I would feel exactly the same way. But I think it is right. Most everyone I know wants to help, unfortunately in the world we live in the desire is not where the responsibility for helping others ends. I don't know about you, but I don't plan to live my life giving whenever I'm asked and never knowing when I'm being taken advantage of. I have an aversion to being a sucker to someone who doesn't really need help, but I'm always willing to help people that do need help. Just a thought, but it seems to me that the only sure way to know is to either offer a solution that is unattractive to people that are just trying to take advantage of you, or to require something in return for your help. Somebody who is just reaching out for money isn't interested in a helping hand.

EDIT: Another thought I've had, for what it's worth, is that IMO someone who is just looking for money will not expose themselves to the same scrutiny or criticism as a person who is genuinely in a bad way. IMO anyone who would give you an attitude for your attention isn't hurting that bad.

I always give money and a few times have had some extra food. I don't care what the others intention is, I call it Kingdom economics. I give knowing that my Father will reward me in turn. It doesn't matter if I got scammed or not, it's the condition of my heart and my intent that gets rewarded. I have on several occasions whipped out 100 dollar bills and I have never went without in my whole life. Just my 2 cents, but I do think it depends on the circumstances and you still have to be smart about how you do it. I think if you feel moved to give, then you should.

Flip, will you sen me money for food? $100 will do.

CDN_Merlin wrote:she could of mugged you

I'll send you $100 if you promise to stop using "of" in place of "have", and to invest in some basic strength training gear so that you don't go around concerned with being mugged by women. Either that or maybe you should steal some strength training gear from some of the women up in your area who are apparently so formidable. It'd be doing you both a favor.

Wow, what a coincidence. I just got back from making my rounds in town, running errands, meeting customers etc. and stopped at Chic-fil-A for a sandwich. I was third in the drive through line and at the drivers window of the car ahead of me stood a toothless wino/crack head looking guy was begging for money.

Apparently working his way through the cars in line. He came to my window and said "Hey man, can I get a penny or something? I'm trying to get some food."

He held out his hand and it looked like he had maybe 50-75 cents total.

I told him " No but I'll buy you some food. I'll buy you a sandwich if you like"

He looked at me like Obama looks at a reporter when they ask him a question he doesn't like. Then he said "Well I was, uh , trying to get enough for a pack of baloney and maybe some cheese you know."

I said "I'm not going to give you any money but if you really want food I'll buy it for you"

He paused and finally he asked "You'll buy me a sandwich?"
I said Sure, wait right here."

I took him the sandwich and he said "God bless you man", opened the wrapping, tossing it to the ground and started eating the sandwich.

At first I thought damn! he really is hungry but then I realized that doesn't mean he didn't want the cash for other purposes. Especially since the shelter/mission is right around the corner where he can get three square meals and a bed every day for free.

I figure he will beg for long enough to get the rock of cocaine or the bottle of wine and stop begging to go get his drugs instead of keep begging until he has enough for drugs and food so even if he doesn't know about the shelter I put food in his belly that he wasn't going to get and I didn't put drugs in his body which he clearly has had enough.

I have been handling these encounters this way for a few years now ever since I gave a guy $20 and three hours later he was back on the street, moving much slower, eyes glazed over and begging again.

It's a tuff love thing, they dont need drugs, they need help, food and shelter. So I try to give them what they need and don't contribute to the bad stuff. If I knew the person wasn't going to spend it on drugs I'd give cash but only if I was confident that was the case.

I don't usually give money to beggars, but I made an exception the other day to this woman that was out doing it in the freezing rain. I gave her five bucks, I don't care if she bought food, booze, or drugs. I'm pretty sure she has pneumonia now so she might want to use it and go to a doctor.

The one thing I hate more than anything is the people that approach you in a store parking lot. I don't care if people stand on the corner with their hat out, but DO NOT approach me with some bull★■◆● about being out of gas while you're on foot. I usually go with a case-by-case scenario when I decide to give people money; if I have some to spare I have no qualms about it. I would rather the money go to something useful, but a dollar here or there just isn't that big of a deal to me.

<Nods head at Will's post>

I've personally found that with hungry folk, there's a bit of skepticism about whether you're actually going to get them some food; apparently some people say they will (to make a point about not giving money) and then don't follow through.

I've also found they often don't want it to be a big deal or attention-getting if you bring them something; sometimes just dropping it off at a chair/bench nearby seems to be appreciated.

I used to give food to beggars out side of liquor stores until one threw a sandwich at me. He did me a great service I no longer drink:)

I've run into these people before. They start off by asking you for something small, like a sandwich. Then they start asking for more.

These kind of people are users. You did the right thing by not giving her what she wanted.

to the original post situation.....I think you did well. You offered someone the food you were eating at the time. Someone desperately hungry would have accepted the saltines, I would think. If those had been accepted gratefully and eaten(ie showing true hunger), I would maybe have sprung for a sandwich or something. Bottom line, for me, is that I never just give out money. It is both enabling addicts to use it to feed an addiction, and, in a public situation, making them targets for thieves who see them take the money. If you want to help out, direct them to services, if you know where such are located, and give what money or time you can spare to agencies that house, feed and counsel homeless people. Just my two cents....

The mantra is that people who are out on the streets choose it... I know around here there are lots of shelters/etc, but people choose not to use them.

I'm sort of torn. On one hand, I realize that they have real needs. On the other, I do feel that giving them things enables them... and maybe the things they need most is a willingness to go get help where it's available to them.