DescentBB

first; i'm drunk so screw off

second; how do you know you're in love with someone? is it something you just know or do you require constant and daily proof? is it faith based?

how long have you been in love and why? are you married?

are you just dating someone for a really long time and afraid to make the commitment? if so, why you pussy ?

what the hell is love anyway? what is your emotional makeup that leads you to believe you know what love is or have even experienced it and not just wanted to get your nut on?



i'm obviously fishing here so help a brother out would ya?

i thought i knew what it felt like to be in love with someone and be in love with only that person but lately, that's not the case. it's kind of similar to religion based belief. god hasn't left you, you've left god kinda thing. bull★■◆● i say! why are we so fickle? why does one person unexpectedly just consume your thoughts night and day? why does that person, with only a sparse amount time, just feel like you've known them all your life? why does it feel like this is "the one" even though you've already married "the one"?

why am i asking a bunch of gamers?

cuz i'm interested in your opinions on the matter. i've already made my decision, i just want to hear your comments.

anyhoo..............let's hear it!

first off you dont fall in love with someone, you fall infatuation, love is much deeper. i've been married 23 years to my soul mate, we meet and a week later we were engaged and 2 months later we married, what happens in the begining stages of a relationship is the infatuation part, once that wears off is the reason alot of ppl get divorced. I have to say that after 23 years I'm still infatuated with my wife, love her to death too
I still tell her everyday that I love her and how good looking she is. she is without a doubt my BEST friend, we talk about everything and are able to laugh together and cry together. even after 8 kids its still WOOHOO. she does put me to shame tho. she's 5 lbs lighter than when we got married @ 119 lbs, I on the other hand am 75 lbs heavier @ 250 but I am 6'6"

Not sure I can honestly say what love is because the feelings have never been mutual with the people I've been with. Infatuation, definitely that overwhelming feeling of not wanting to be away from someone for even an instant.

CUDA: how on earth did you get engaged after a week!? It must have been like "POW! She's the one!!"

Calm down, have some dip.

Rationalize some of this stuff out and calmly ask us whatever is left from that jumble. I think youll find that when you think clearly, things make a lot more sense.

The real question is:
Is it love or is it lust.

whoa, deja vu. Didn't we have a convo like this a couple years ago?

I almost remember woody stating the exact same thing and my answer was that I thought it had to be both for it to really work. Personally I think the lust starts first and then you grow to love, but what do I know?

woodchip wrote:The real question is:
Is it love or is it lust.

in my case it's as much lust as possible. and wtf at getting engaged in 1 week cuda?? i mean i'm glad it worked out for you and all but you can't possibly know someone that soon... shizzz i've never said i love you within 6 months.

Love is like a snowmobile that turns over on you, and then the ice weasels come.

whuppinboy wrote:i thought i knew what it felt like to be in love with someone and be in love with only that person but lately, that's not the case. it's kind of similar to religion based belief. god hasn't left you, you've left god kinda thing.

Hello! That's also where I'm at...

Maybe I don't want to find myself not in control. I hate not to be in control, so I can't stand the uncertainty that comes with dating someone and trying to get into a relationship. Wah-evah.

I guess I ain't going nowhere with my current attitude, but what the hell. No point in making it a priority, I've been spending my money on other things than girls so far

Lets just say that love is great when it works out for you. It's hell if it's not working out, though. I've seen mostly the latter, myself.

[Edit]: Btw, that reminds me. I have some booze around here somewhere. Time to watch a bad movie in an intoxicated state

Who feels it knows it.

first; i'm drunk so screw off

think that should be taken into consideration?

whuppinboy wrote: what the hell is love anyway? what is your emotional makeup that leads you to believe you know what love is or have even experienced it and not just wanted to get your nut on?

Love is complicated.

Ok in all seriousness, love just takes time to develop. A lot of people compare it to "taking the plunge" like as in skydiving, a great example. If you don't "take the plunge" love won't happen, it's as simple as that. I don't believe in that "love at first sight" nonsense. Attraction at first sight maybe.

As for what love is, well I think this verse from the Bible pretty much sums it up, and it doesn't even matter if you're anti-Christian because it's still a great definition by any standard: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

asrale, I am a non christian and thanks for the great passage

Love may keep no record of wrongs, but your wife sure as hell will

**disclaimer- I'm at the point where I think I'm in love, but it hasn't been around long enough for really any of my theories to be "tried and true" - anything I say is pretty muh commin from a very green one.**

I think the main problem with "love" is that we use one word for several different things. To make up for that, I think people tend to misuse the word "lust" too. First, I would say lust is pretty much the part about wanting/getting in her pants when yer not supposed to yet. (I.E. physical part of relationship getting ahead of emotional and commitment part of relationship) Lust carries a tone of irresponsibility, in my mind. Second- there is an emotion we call "love" - essentially when we are emotionally attracted to someone we call it liking someone, once it grows stronger we call it loving someone- for the sake of clarity, why not just call it liking someone. (and understanding that that can very from quite weak to quite strong feelings) Then, there is a set of actions that one does that we call loving someone- essentially doing and saying things to make them feel appreciated and cared for. Finally, there is an attitude we call love- I think that is what the verse earlier quoted is talking about- a chosen attitude toward another person. This attitude is not something that happens to you, like the emotion part, but it is something that you choose to do- like the physical actions.

So, what do I think "true love" is? I think it starts with the last two. When everything is working correctly (both people are making an effort to perform the last two, regardless of what the other person is doing or what emotions tell them to do) the emotional part follows on its own (most of the time, stuff like PMS/lack of sleep get in the way sometimes), and the wanting them part follows on its own.

So, I would say the litmus test is the following: Is it only about emotions and wanting in her pants, or is it also about commitment and self-sacrifice? If you can honestly answer that question, you already know if it is true love or not.

Whuppster, that sounds like a mid-life crisis to me.. Go get a Porsche

snoopy wrote:To make up for that, I think people tend to misuse the word "lust" too. First, I would say lust is pretty much the part about wanting/getting in her pants when yer not supposed to yet. (I.E. physical part of relationship getting ahead of emotional and commitment part of relationship) Lust carries a tone of irresponsibility, in my mind.

lust is not irresponsible in my mind at all. it is what it is, a very powerful force in humans. the word gets slammed by many because it is an "impure impulse" or whatever, but how can it be? it's natural, it ensures the propagation of the human race.

***FYI*** humans are not monogamous by nature... monogamy is a cultural "standard" we are supposed to accept as "the way things are".

when you use the word "commitment" as one of the criteria to determine that you are in "love", i call bullfrog. i have been in love with 2 women at once... and i guarantee there was no commitment to either of them. in fact they both bailed.

i guess what i'm saying is that love is very situational. people do misuse the word too much, watering it down to almost nothing at times. it's really sad.... because love is really wonderful. but your friends will just call you pu.ssy whipped.

heh, well i can definitely say it's not about getting in her pants cuz i've already been there and the initial "man, i gotta have some of that" is way past which was a major hurdle i was afraid of crossing cuz i was thinking "ok, if i get some, what will i feel afterwards?" kinda thing. i got some the feelings are still there and stronger and not the "i gotta have more of that" kinda feeling but more of a "i gotta spend more time, get to know her" feeling so in this instance it sounds like lust has been replaced with what? infatuation, desire, misplaced emotion?


i dunno, but if you wake up thinking of this someone and the last thought you have before sleeping is of this same person, than there's something obviously there, and a larger scale than just a piece of good ass.

either way, i'm down a path that is seems entirely new with a desire and a sensation that's stonger than i've felt in my previous relationships, maybe third time's a charm?

when this type of force takes you by the strings and throws you around all whilly nilly and turns your once normal world upside down, how can you ignore it? how can you deny it?

gren: i'm not old enuff for a mid life crisis yet:P but that's another discussion.............

i have been in love with 2 women at once... and i guarantee there was no commitment to either of them. in fact they both bailed.

Haha!

woodchip wrote:The real question is:
Is it love or is it lust.

Woodchip,

You know that the real deal ain't an either or proposition, it's both.

In this regard Kevin Bacon had an awesome line on the love thang in Mystic River. It's towards the end, anybody know it?

Hmmmm.... wheres my sig? This is Margo

First off, let me say that as far as relationships go (as in, relationships with your boy/girlfriend or significant other, not with your family or friends or whatever) you can have lust without love, but you can't have love without lust. Lust of course shouldn't be the key in a relationship, but it has to be there for a relationship to be successful. That is one thing I've learned in my short time on this earf.

Second, I've been dating my current girlfriend for a year and a half. A year and a half in high school is a pretty major accomplishment, especially through some up and down times. I'm going to be a senior next year, and now that our high school days are almost over, we're starting to think about things that still scare us...like, what our future will hold for us, going to college together maybe...that takes a lot of commitment and sacrifice. I can confidently say that this relationship that she and I share is not simply based on lust or infatuation. I would die for her. I guess Pally pretty much summed it up...those who have been there know...love never does change, and if it really is love, then your feelings will only grow through time...you'll never get sick of each other, you'll never want to see what else is out there, you'll never want anyone else.

No offense, but I think everyone thinks that in high school.

sheepdog wrote:

woodchip wrote:The real question is:
Is it love or is it lust.

Woodchip,

You know that the real deal ain't an either or proposition, it's both.

In this regard Kevin Bacon had an awesome line on the love thang in Mystic River. It's towards the end, anybody know it?

Hmmmm.... wheres my sig? This is Margo

Hey Margo, long time no posting. Glad to see you're still around. Still going down to rivers bend?

In regards to my statement, too many people confuse lust with love and think, "Hey we were great in bed so lets get married". Cuda lucked out and found a partner that was also mentally compatable with him and it shows in the long term relationship he and his wife enjoy. My view is that if your feelings are initially to jump in the sack as soon as possible, maybe the other person is not a long term prospect. On the other hand if you meet someone and your initial reaction is to learn more about them first and just "be" with them (and the feelings are returned), then I suspect a long term relationship is a real possibility. Sex can always be worked in later. Afterall, as much as I enjoy biatch slapping Tyranny...I certainly don't want sack time with him

no doubt I got lucky, but our relationship has always been about God and a commitment to each other. as for jumping straight into the sack that did not happen till after we were married. my wife was a virgin I was not ( 1 other ). we were both only 20 and probably gave both our parents Heart attacks when we announced our marrage, since we were both in S.D with her parents in Portland and mine in Tampa. with me being a sailor I'm sure her parents thought it would end in divorce. probably should have with as stupid as we were, but by the grace of God go I. the problem with so many marrages today it that they have already signed the prenups before they ever say I do. I wonder why those ppl even bother with getting married. not once in our soon to be 23 years this December have we ever talked the "D" word. it has NEVER been an option. I took a vow to Love honor and cherish for "AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE" didnt see the or when I get tired of you and feel like moving on part. too many ppl enter a relationship saying what can he/she do for me WRONG!!!! Love is when I say what can I do for you wanting nothing in return. with out a doubt what I have is not for many of you. I have a large traditional family. My wife has worked out of the home for the first 4 months of our marrage only, since then she's been a stay at home mother to our 8 children who are now starting to make a life for themselves. my oldest son (21) is about to celebrate his 1st anniversary. I just pray that he has as full a life as my best friend and I have had. I just hope my wife dosnt find out about her

"i am trying to break your heart."

Asrale wrote:

whuppinboy wrote: what the hell is love anyway? what is your emotional makeup that leads you to believe you know what love is or have even experienced it and not just wanted to get your nut on?

As for what love is, well I think this verse from the Bible pretty much sums it up, and it doesn't even matter if you're anti-Christian because it's still a great definition by any standard: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I totally agree. First John 4:7@8 is also a good scripture for putting the love first in your relationship w/ur boy/girlfriend, significant other, whatever, relationship IMO.
Fus

Love is an Attitude

Palzon wrote:Who feels it knows it.

word