DescentBB

Some of you might recall that almost 6 months ago to the day, I re-met a woman, Emma, at my sister's wedding. Emma was Robyn's bridesmaid. Prior to that, in 1993, I came up from Queenstown to attend Robyn's 21st Birthday party, and Emma was Robyn's flatmate.

In 1993, Emma and I argued most of the night, then found outselves in a room alone, and then we stopped arguing...

I was pretty keen on her back then, but phoning her the following week, she was heading off to Boston, and after that Adelaide... So, that, I thought was that. (Yes Bill, *THAT* )

In January, I'd made my parents a solemn promise not to cause any kind of scandal at the wedding, and it was extremely hard to keep that promise when Emma asked me to kiss her at the reception.

She proceeded to tell me her 6-year relationship in Auckland was going very poorly, and that she had thought of me many times over the years.

Well, I kept my promise, and I kept my hands and lips off her, and just listened to her talk about her bad relationship, and she cried on my shoulder about her Dad dying the previous year.

Anyway, she emailed me 2 days later, and came to visit me on her way to Dunedin for a job interview about 2 weeks after that.

What developed from there can only be described as a pretty intense relationship with her leaving Paul, and moving to Dunedin, 400 km south of here.

Since then we've spent every weekend together. She has a very high-powered contract and they fly her anywhere she wants to go each weekend. So she flies here (To Christchurch), to be with me.

I can honestly say I've never enjoyed anyone's company more. In fact, I'd ask her to marry me tomorrow if I thought she'd say yes.

The problem is, she's still not over Paul. She's also a very "nesty" type person, and she's still grieving for the life and home she made with him. (This despite the fact that a year before she left him she had told him what was wrong with them, and neither of them really did anything to fix what was broken between them.)

This has become more and more obvious to me over the last month, and last weekend, despite going to Queenstown skiing, we had a terrible time - ending up in a shouting match in the B&B room overlooking The Remarkables mountain range when we should have been making love.

This last month Emma has been withdrawn and not relaxed, and it was obvious to me what the problem was - but she wouldn't talk to me about it, which makes it kind of hard to do anything at all.

Anyway, today we've had the best day together, and tomorrow she's flying up to Auckland to see Paul, and to try and figure out what she's going to do with her life.

I've found it very hard to give her the freedom to go up there and see him. Find it very hard supporting her decision to go. However, I realise the old adage is true: If you love someone, set them free etc. (And no, I have no plans to hunt her down and kill her if she doesn't come back to me!)

I don't know if she's capable of making a decision based on a visit to see him, nor am I confident of the outcome by any stretch of the imagination.

I don't even know if it'll help her or hurt her. Or us.

What I do know, is that if she chooses her old partner over me, I'll be absolutely heart-broken, and have no idea how I'm going to deal with it. I've been hurt before, but not by any woman who I'm prepared to spend the rest of my life with.

She has told me a few times she is falling in love with me, and I likewise. She knows full well how I feel about her, and despite having a few misgivings about us, we have the most excellent time together, and I've enjoyed the happiest times of my life with her, in the last six months.

So, tomorrow at 8am she flies up to Auckland, and tomorrow at 6:50 pm she arrives back in Christchurch. I have no idea whether I'm going to be the happiest guy in the world, or the saddest at 7:00pm.

Tomorrow is going to be the longest day I've ever had in my entire life. I have a full bottle of Aaran Single Malt in the kitchen. Think I'm going to need a few belts from it, one way or another.

It's at this time, I'm thankful I was born lucky, instead of rich. I'm *REALLY* hoping my luck holds out too. So, wish me luck.

Love you Emms.

Good luck sunshine.

It sucks to be in a position of doubt and lack of control. I vaguely know the feeling, and I hate it.

Best of luck, Mobi.

May all the Irish Leprechauns give you luck dude.

Feel your pain man. Been there, done that. Hope it all turns out right. Just remember, at the very least you still have us

I hope it works out for you but just the fact that she needs to decide "where shes going with her life" kinda tells me she already knows.

I think this is a good thing. If she doesn't get closure on the previous relationship, it'll haunt the current relationship forever. Good luck and may the best man win. Easy on that single malt too. You don't want her coming back to drunkenMobi.

CDN_Merlin wrote:May all the Irish Leprechauns give you luck dude.

...um.. only after you find them, wrestle them to the ground and beat them to a mushy green pulp.


Hey, haven't you posted her pic before? very cute. Just keep doin what you've been doin and I'm sure things will be fine. but if you get married, feel free to kiss her.

She's gonna end up bonin that guy and comin back to you and you'll get aids and die. Keep using a rubber.

Seriously though *That* is a sad tale, and I have never been able to grasp the notion of sharing the most inner private things with a bulliten board. I mean c'mon.

Good luck, you'll need it. Matters of the heart are teh suk, and so are the women that produce them...

they come and go.

STRESSTEST wrote:I have never been able to grasp the notion of sharing the most inner private things with a bulliten board.

My thoughts as well, but if his differ from ours that's his descision.

Our panel of experts will get back to you shortly.

as a Scotsman, I can say, there are always the sheep.

gluck man hope it works out for ya!

Now I know why Jehovah enacted the marriage relationship. None of that foolishness need be endured if everyone recognized the fact that starting out by "living together" will never result in a happy permanent relationship.

STRESSTEST wrote:Seriously though *That* is a sad tale, and I have never been able to grasp the notion of sharing the most inner private things with a bulliten board. I mean c'mon.

sometimes you just gotta vent somewhere and its the most conveinent. you can think while you type alot more than you can when you talk ;p

gl mobi

Good luck man. I'm trying to figure permanent stuff out with my girlfriend also- not as sad of stuff though. My advice: try to have patience, wait for the right time to make a move- let her process whatever she needs to in her own time- and trust your gut on whether she's ready or not, not just her words. (I have found women sometimes think they are ready for stuff, only to realize they arn't when presented with it)

HaAGen DaZS wrote:as a Scotsman, I can say, there are always the sheep.

I'm sorry, but no sheep are available at the moment. They are currently residing with a certain Nirvana and will be unavailable for some time.


Seriously tho, good luck Mobi.

Just be lucky you can manage to get into a relationship in the first place.

So.....how'd it go???

Thanks to those of you wishing me well. I would like to meet each and every one of you sometime.

My motivation for posting was because I could and I knew the good people of the DBB would offer me some comfort. Thanks again.

And apologies for keeping you in suspense.

As I predicted it would be, Sunday was an excruciatingly long day. I managed to sleep in until 9am, mostly because I'd slept pretty sporadically during the night. Did domestics, played some disc golf, and some BladeRunner, fixed my clothes dryer, replaced car windscreen wipers and applied Rain-X, went to market for some roast beef (No kidding! ) and visited the folks.

Don't think a single minute passed without me thinking of Emma. I dropped a couple of golf shots which cost me the game, because I wasn't concentrating fully on the throw! ACK.

I had the time figured out. I knew she'd be checking in for her flight no later than 5pm. Got a text message at 5:07 saying "Very emotional day. Still confused.... You were right. See you soon. i am a bit of a mess." That lifted my spirits considerably, I must say! Confused is definitely better than decided for her ex.

She was a mess too. Eyes all puffy and swollen. Nose red as a beetroot. Pocket full of used tissues. We hugged, and I drive her home. I asked for no discussion of the day in the car on the way home.

At home I had a small whisky (mainly to occupy my hands. She wasn't really in a hugging frame of mind) and we had a good conversation about our emotional states. We went well for about 90 minutes and then it got a bit strained, so I took her to her mother's house, where it got not-very-nice-at-all.

I didn't want to make things any worse, or worse for her when she's already on a really bad day, so I just squeezed her hand and went home.

Wrote her an email and got a lovely reply back on the Monday morning - followed by complete silence. An emotional break which she needs no doubt. Today, I heard from her again, and she seems to have made some progress, with me as the main recipient. PHEW.

She's coming up again this weekend, and I plan for us just to have some fun together. I don't want to put her under any pressure, as I figure every weekend with me is a weekend further away from Paul.

I'm optimistic for the future now. I'm looking forward to enjoying Emma's company more and more as she realises it's really over with him, and it's very much on with me. I'm very happy I now have a better opportunity to get to know her better, and more time to spend with her.

It's not going to be plain sailing - and I know it. But I will stick by her and stick with her for as long as she'll have.

Well, this is where you become that shoulder again. Only use her words if she deceides to discuss it. DO NOT include your own thoughts or opinions until she derives her own conclusion. Just reverse funnel her own words back at her so she hears what she is saying to you. That's all you can do right now... you know what I mean!

open discussion is the KEY to an everlasting relationship

heh. But only open in that one partner speaks while the other parrots back what the first is saying, eh Bubba?

:p

Glad to hear all seems to be well Mobi. I gave it a 75/25 chance when I read your first post that all would turn out well, but in matters of the heart the odds really mean nothing.

Just thank your lucky stars. She seems like an awesome lady.