DescentBB

This is kinda inspired my Mob's thread in cafe, and mostly inspired by what's going on in my personal life right now. My main question is why? Why love someone? Specifically, why do you love those whom you do love? I suppose there is an easy answer for parents: because they brought you into existance. Sibilings... because they are of the same blood, and because you are supposed to. (strangely weak reasons) Here is the doozy: what about romantic interests. Well, I guess at this point we get into symantics- I suppose I would "love" someone who has sex with me because they have sex with me- but that isn't really loving them, it's loving having sex. Maybe I love them because they are good looking, or because they are smart, or because of whatever characteristic they might have- but again the love really isn't for them, but for the characteristic. Yet, there are people out there that really love each other- not just their characteristics, or the pleasure they get from each other, but really, honestly the other person. I think that is what marriage is- a promise to love the actual person- and that's where that process starts. (or should start) So, why do it? Doesn't this thing seem sort of arbitrary? I mean, to really love someone doesn't seem to be anything more than to shackle one's self down, to lock yourself with a given person, when there could be a multitude of other people out there who could serve the things I want better. It isn't even independant of time- one person may serve me best today, and another tomorrow. Basically, what I'm getting at is this: Truely loving a person seems to consist of nothing more than deciding to do so, and to show it to the other person on a regular basis. If that is true, what ever comes upon people to make such a decision, because logically it makes no sense, and seems to be too arbitrary to be satisfying for the person who is being loved. I (think I) love my girlfriend, yet I don't know why, and I don't know if I am being foolish in loving her.

I'm not married, but I'm with my the one girlfriend for over 10 years now. And I can tell you that if you have worked through all the ★■◆● in 2nd and 3rd year, the relationship ends up on a much different level than one you can reach with somebody you have just met.
My, now even everyday routine life withou doing anything special is fun together...

I donâ??t think your question of why to love, can be answered. You may as well ask why we need food, air, and water. The basic answers are all the same- because we need them. I believe the need to love and be loved is an intrinsic part of being human. It is something we need in order to be whole.

Having said that, I have some observations from your post.

snoopy wrote:when there could be a multitude of other people out there who could serve the things I want better. It isn't even independent of time- one person may serve me best today, and another tomorrow.

Maybe I am taking this statement in a way other that what was intended, but it seems like you are looking at only one side of the equation. I have found that if you really love someone you arenâ??t looking at the things that they can do for you. You are looking at what you can do for them and for the relationship.

snoopy wrote:Truely loving a person seems to consist of nothing more than deciding to do so

I disagree. I have had girlfriends that I tried to love but couldnâ??t. Then again I have had girlfriends that I tried not to love and did. I donâ??t pretend to know what makes a person fall in love with someone else but I donâ??t think it can be forced. Either it happens or it doesnâ??t.

Pandora wrote:And I can tell you that if you have worked through all the **** in 2nd and 3rd year, the relationship ends up on a much different level than one you can reach with somebody you have just met.

I have found this to be true. After 15 years of marriage, the relationship I have with my wife is one that I couldnâ??t have imagined when we first met. As a loving relationship matures, endures, and strengthens, the changes it undergoes are profound. There is a comfort there that is not possible with someone you just met. The physical relationship gets better too.

Dedman wrote:I donâ??t think your question of why to love, can be answered. You may as well ask why we need food, air, and water. The basic answers are all the same- because we need them. I believe the need to love and be loved is an intrinsic part of being human. It is something we need in order to be whole.

I can't answer why we need food, water, and air. Point taken, though- it kinda defys logic, I suppose.

Dedman wrote:Maybe I am taking this statement in a way other that what was intended, but it seems like you are looking at only one side of the equation. I have found that if you really love someone you arenâ??t looking at the things that they can do for you. You are looking at what you can do for them and for the relationship.

Precisely- but, why? That half of all of it (really, that whole of all of it) seems to defy logic.

Dedman wrote:I disagree. I have had girlfriends that I tried to love but couldnâ??t. Then again I have had girlfriends that I tried not to love and did. I donâ??t pretend to know what makes a person fall in love with someone else but I donâ??t think it can be forced. Either it happens or it doesnâ??t.

I'll cede that point, being as I'm still trying to figure out exactly what love is.

Pandora wrote:And I can tell you that if you have worked through all the **** in 2nd and 3rd year, the relationship ends up on a much different level than one you can reach with somebody you have just met.

I guess I'm starting to hit that spot now- and asking why I have such motive to continue through it. That doesn't mean I'm questioning if I want to keep on going, more of a question of why.

snoopy wrote:Precisely- but, why? That half of all of it (really, that whole of all of it) seems to defy logic.

That's the beautiful thing about love in my opinion. We can't really explain it. All we know is that when you really find it, it is the best damn drug known to man.

All I can say is stop thinking so much and enjoy the ride.

I agree with Dedman. Falling in love is not a descision you make. I too, fell in love with certain girls when I didn't want to, and didn't fell in love when I did want to. It's not something you do, it's something you undergo.

^^^
VINCE!

mad props to anyone married a long time :thumbs up:

liqour is the devil's drink!

i have either done the stupidest or the smartest thing in my life for "love".

i leave a perfectly comfortable relationship (5+ years) for a 4 month relationship that has absolutely no groundwork to it other than the most intense feelings i've ever had in my entire life because i let a wall of standoffishness and selfishness down for maybe the second time in my life.

i'm the happiest, giddiest, madly, euphoric person in the world right now and also the most depressed, suicidal, lunatic, reckless, out of control human being on the planet.

i'm surfing on the ocean of madness and chaos and it's the most exhilirating, frightening ride i've been on.

good luck to ya snoop