I read it on the net, so it must be true
Posted: Thu Oct 21, 2004 8:00 pm
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's sent
to me because I forwarded their e-mail to five other people (you know,
celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when
I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering
from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken -
which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken
in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change
their name to KFC.
Anyway, one day this friend went to sleep and when he awoke he was in
his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he
got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw
a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his
phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on
his computer that would destroy his hard drive and infect all the
electronics in his house if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the
crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer
programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in
which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00
Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. It's
true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF,
who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I
would forward the e-mail to everyone I know. The poor man then tried to
call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on
the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit
full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into
the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around
which was wrapped around a note that said, "Welcome to the world of
AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one
where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish
is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American
Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he
receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and
o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than
10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people you will only have
OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD
LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to
the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without its
lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly
shot as part of a gang initiation.
Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will
receive 4 green m&ms, but if you don't the owner of Proctor and Gamble
will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck:
you will get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo,
your wife will develop breast cancer from using the antiperspirant which
clogs the pores under your arms, and the U.S. government will put a tax
on your e-mails forever. I know this is all true 'cause I read it on
the Internet.
to me because I forwarded their e-mail to five other people (you know,
celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman numerals), when
I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering
from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken -
which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken
in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change
their name to KFC.
Anyway, one day this friend went to sleep and when he awoke he was in
his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he
got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw
a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was afraid to use his
phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on
his computer that would destroy his hard drive and infect all the
electronics in his house if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the
crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer
programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster in
which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00
Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. It's
true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF,
who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I
would forward the e-mail to everyone I know. The poor man then tried to
call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on
the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit
full access to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into
the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around
which was wrapped around a note that said, "Welcome to the world of
AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one
where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish
is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American
Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he
receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and
o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than
10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people you will only have
OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD
LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to
the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving without its
lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly
shot as part of a gang initiation.
Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will
receive 4 green m&ms, but if you don't the owner of Proctor and Gamble
will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck:
you will get cancer from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo,
your wife will develop breast cancer from using the antiperspirant which
clogs the pores under your arms, and the U.S. government will put a tax
on your e-mails forever. I know this is all true 'cause I read it on
the Internet.
