I found this on my computer.
Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2004 8:46 pm
One day i walked into PTMC Headquarters and...
...was briefly blinded by the gleaming light reflecting off of Dravis' bald head. Dravis looked up at me from his computer screen and said...
..."Hey! Where's my coffee, moron? Oh, wait, it's you. Well, I have a job for you."...
You see that brand new Dodge Dart out there ?? Why don't you ...........
...-but he was cut off as the Dodge Dart was blown to smithereens in a magnificent ball of firey plasma! A terrorist burst in the door and...
...just managed to say "We are the people of the...." before being cut to pieces by the automatic security guns. Dravis called for a clean up crew. "Now, where were we?" Dravis said.
"Umm.. You were finally going to pay me for services rendered. Yeah. That's it." I replied.
"Ah, that's right." replied Dravis. "You've just reminded me why I brought you here. You see, our accounting system was just hit by a major virus, which we believe was caused by..."
...A piece of cheese dropped in there by my guidebot...
the piece of cheese dropped by the guidebot slowly molded into a lump of moving pus...
...that ordered 12 pizzas and had them delivered to Scary Spice who answered the door in...
...mean while, batman had been workin on a way to kill the Joker, AGAIN, but all-of-a-sudden, he gets ambushed by 15 sharks, 24 stingers, and 4 threshers, Batman shoots off his hooky thingy, but a thresher discintegrates it with a burst of fusion, bat man is surrounded, but then robbin appears! he shoots his little boomerang thing at a stinger, but a shark bites it before it can make contact, then throws it back at robbin, slicing his head off. Now it's batmans turn! He looks over into the corner, there's a strange noise, uh oh, now he's dead, it's the HELLION ASSAULT MECH! hellion takes out his laser, batman incinarates into a cloud of steam...
...her lovers arms .....
and than Scary Spice looks at the Joker and says "Come over here, big boy..."....
Joker struggles as he is being crushed by her weight, he here's his own ribs breaking into millions of pieces "You've gained weight since I last saw you" said Joker...
...But before Scary Spice can reply, Kenneth Starr storms in with a federal subpeona for...
aand than everything freezes, and MD looks at Dravis and says "wow". And than Trinity from the Matrix says "You are the one, MD."....
...and throws it down Scary Spices esophogus causing her immediate demise, but then...
Kenneth Star, Scary Spice, headless robin, batman, the guidebot, Peewee Herman, ripped apart terrorist, the clean up crew, MD, trinity and Dravis all come together and start singing:
"WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS,
WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS,
WHY CANT WE BE FRIIIIIEEEENNNDDSS?"
until....
The guidebot comes in and starts shooting flares at dravis but because of its stupidity
...it missed and hit the forgotten-about pizzas which, driven mad by the horrible singing, had already committed ..ask u to come with him...
...and after that he shoots Kenneth, Scary Spice, and...
pulls out a silver thing and asks you to look in the red light
...and proceeds to press the button on the device which, unfortunately, was facing backwards.
His memory erased, the Agent then...
sammy davis' good eye, he turns to steel door blocking the escape hallway and meets the snuffleuppogus holding a utility knife and the cut-off mouse from birdeyes D3 computer....
them they all hear "I want my gold" in a high pitched leprochan voice
and MD pops out and says "Who the heck are you? Stupid Irish myths.." MD takes out his hand gun and blows off the leprecauns head, but he aint dead, he shoot him in the belly, still not dead, MD hops in his Phoenix and shoots a mega, nows he's dead! But wait a second! OH NO! IT'S THE STAY PUFFED MARSHMELLOW MAN! AHHHHHHH!!!!!....
and suddenly music comes out of no where:
"Who ya gonna call? GHOST BUSTERS!"...
...and then everybody starts break dancing, and Dravis turns into a dog! Then the Ghost Busters arrive and cross their streams and blow up the Marshmellow Man, but he comes back to live again!...
...to which the MD replies "ahh, screw the Ghostbusters" and toasts the marshmallow man with his napalm cannon.
"Wow, just think how many Smores I could make with that" thought the MD as he flew over the marshmallow man's remains. But the mass of white goo started to move...
then dravis jumps up outta no where and hops in a company pyro and throw out a Black Shark missle at the ghostbusters car incinerating them. All of a sudden the Marshmellow man...
...delivered a riveting commentary on the current state of Social security in America. A swarm of middle aged white male Republicans soon filled the area, and...
..MD says "Dravis WTheck did you do that for, and how did you do that when your a DOG?!?! BTW you ow me some money, and who are these other guys!?!?!?"...
...Then me, Payne, PG, Warlock, DuhQ, TySoft, and Sc0rch come into the seen, Marshmellow man spits on TySoft, causing him to go into a roll, crash, and explode into a firy death. DuhQ flies into the marchmellow man, but MM(marshmellowman) grabs him and crushes him to death, throwing him at Warlock, causing Warlock to explode, but Warlock ejects before his ship explodes...
...meanwhile, payne, PG, scorch, and the__freak_show regroup, and with the modified plasma guns from the ghostbusters, circle the MM and fire at him! Then, each shoots off a vauss rounds, which shreds the MM into a delicate meringue! When all of a sudden...
...The standard voice of the computer in the PTMC mines made a report. "Warning, incoming game. Warning, incoming game."...
... and dravis starts barking orders at the vast legion of evil robots under his command...
...JMEaT drops one of the slices of pizza he swiped from scary spice after her unfortunate and untimely demise...
... then the Defender of all comes to the rescue and unleashes the power of a black hole onto the unsuspecting hoard of robots and they become sucked into oblivion. But alas Dravis calls on his backup, HELION ASSAULT MECH 2!! Unfortunataley for the Defender he slips on the cheese from JMEaT's pizza and...
... then the Defender of all comes to the rescue and unleashes the power of a black hole onto the unsuspecting hoard of robots and they get sucked into oblivion. But alas Dravis calls on his backup, HELION ASSAULT MECH 2!! Unfortunataley for the Defender he slips on the cheese from JMEaT's pizza and...
...takes a nap.
The new Hellion Assault Mech hovers to Dravis, a piece of armor slides back, revealing a menacing metal tube. The robot's eyes flash red, and then it fills Dravis' cup with some fresh coffee...
.... just then a large group of Pyros, Interceptors and Magnums (all bearing markings of the Midnight Squadron) swoop down in perfect formation and obliterate everything in sight...
... including them selfs. Fortunately our hero and the other main charicters climb in to the old missile complex/mine that the building is constructed on, where they find ...
...That the game cube had just hit them. It seems that the user had loaded the most hated game in history, the game known as...
And what stod before them? None other than the Marshmellow Man! Luckily, Bob was on the job, with Enzo nipping at his heels!
Everyone "rebooted" into...
..Chaos, and MD says "Aw crap, I thought that guy was gone for good!" then Dravis turns back into a human again, and 10 Black Pyros warp in and engage MD, while the Mellenium Falcon takes out the marshmellow man AGAIN...
... Then suddenly, the Midnight squadron looks at Dravis' bald head and say "wait.. That's not..." !
...very attractive. Dang, Dravis, you ever heard of Rogaine? Give it a try."
Then the MD, Dravis, and Han Solo ventured into the complex below the PTMC HQ, where they stumbled upon a...
...bag of money. Since all three of the of them wanted it, they decided to have a duel. Since Han and the MD had blasters, they both capped Dravis quickly, killing him for the second time this story. Turning to each other, they...
...looked at each other closely. Han Solo says, "Let's not fight. We can split the money." MD quickly pulls out his gun and Han jumps up into the air and transforms into what looks like the Marshmellow man. The Marshmellow man figure stood up and...
...was hit by the shrapnel from 600 frag missiles fired by the Hellion Assault Mech 2...
Then the Hellion Mech begins walking over to Marshmallow Man, who is dazed and slowly deflating. As its metallic joints creak menacingly, the Mech draws closer to the great pile of white, smiling goo. Everyone else draws back, fearful of what is about to transpire. Two long rectangular pieces of metal slide out of the Mech's back towards the sky. Flat panel speakers. Grating the cement like ice on bricks, the Mech grinds to a halt and it's speakers begin to hum with power. Suddenly, "ICE, ICE, BABY! ICE, ICE, BABY!" erupts forth at ten thousand decibels, blasting the large white monster to bits. Dravis picks up a small morsel on his finger, puts it in his mouth, and remarks...
IP: Logged
..."So, Material Defender, it seems you have killed me yet again. For that, you shall..."...
TASTE LIKE CHICKEN !!!!!
And than everyone hugs each other and they start singing:
"Come Togethhheeerrr! Right noooowwww.....
OVER MEE!"...
...and the tripped over slice of pizza committed suicide for a second time at the sound of more horrible singing.
But then a thunderous sound drowned out the dissonant revelrie. The sound was the booming voice of..
...Mario...
mario says.. its a mee! mario! i have come to steal ur money md and.....
Do you-a mind-a if I-a eatta that-a slice
of pizza ???......this-a taste-a reall good
but-a something is a missing ........
Luigi,,,, where is my brother luigi??? he says, while jugging 3 meatballs, and one mega missle.., then he..
...turns into a Pyro-GX. Which really isn't too strange, seeing as a leaf can turn him partway into a racoon. With his newfound powers, he..
...implodes and is sucked out into space for no obvious reason. And then all off a sudden a President from TFC comes in and....
...fusionates the now three times reanimated marshmallow man.
Suddenly Scorch appears on the scene, yells "I'm finally a DBB Captain! WOO-HOO!", jumps in his Pyro, and takes off. He slams into the Mir space station on the way out and caromes off a satellite before leaving the atmosphere.
Mario, having landed, found his brother Luigi and ran to a nearby convenience store. They returned with ten bags full of chocolate and graham crackers. Ravenous looks in their eyes, they ran toward the once again dead marshmallow man, and...
the once happy fluffy stay puft had morphed into the pillsbury dough boy, The dough boy looked at them and.....
They hopped on his head and gained 1000 points!
Suddenly the Defender flys up in his Phoenix and chars the pilsbury dough boy with his napalm cannon. He rips off a piece and says "Anyone got some butter for these biscuts?"
Ever so slowly, Dravis stumbles toward MD and says "...
"Not in my office. Take it outside."
But then, MM comes back, and spits out none other than "BOWSER"!...
But wait! This was Microsoft Bowser!
It tried to move, but suddenly it's eyes changed to blue and stood perfectly still! Mario edged close and read aloud. "A fatal-a error has-a occured-a!"
All of a sudden, Rican comes on the scene, and says" NOT IN MY FORUM!" and with a decisive blow from his mouse...
with a descisve blow from his mouse he kills microsoft's acccount and says. aha... they can go over to eyerates forum if they wanna do errors.....
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...all of a sudden, Bill Gates walks into the picture and wants to buy everything, mainly because...
... it seems appealing to him to have all these cool ships to blow up Netscape and Linux and MacOS ...
But Bill is foiled and our heroes are doomed!
The Linux Ships have much better targeting systems, come equiped with radar, and are practically invincible! Meanwhile, the MacOS ships are faster, more agile, and never crash into walls! Now that Willy Gates has bought our heros, they can't seem to fly straight! Oh no!
...To roast the marshmellow man over a campfire. But in order to do that, first they needed to...
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...consult their Magic 8 Ball! The holy 8 ball was about to give it's guidence when a huge explosion shook the complex. Mr. T's van had crashed through the walls and now Mr. T stood before the heros!
"Hey fooz!" Says Mr. T, "Wuz all diz noize wit dat mah'shmella' man? I'z gonna find his azz and throw it hella far! Now getz in mah van, cause it's hella fast!"
So the heros board Mr. T's hella fast van, and...
Mr. T. then blairs: "I pity dose foos who don't eat my cereal!"
MD, Dravis, and Mario, Luigi,sit down in the van and have some cereal. Mr. T. then says, "
who is this guy named bill gates that your after? i might be able to choke em with my cereal.. Then Superman comes in and says...
"Bill Gates huh?" Says Superman.. "That's Lexcorp's vice president.. Wait, maybe that's Microlex.. I forget.".
Mr. T. then says to Superman "zid down and haf some of muh cereal foo'!" With his mouth full, Superman mumbles something pertaining to Bill Gates... He then swallows it and says " !
"Oops. Double post.".
The gang looks at him funny.
"Uhhh........ I guess that wasn't funny" says Superman. "Anyway! " --
Hey mario, was that you i saw with Lois last night??
"Uhh, no-a, that-a wasn't a me-a."
Superman thinks for a second, then *wham*. After all, how are you going to mistake someone else for a short, fat plumber with a red hat on? Mario flies through the roof on the van.
"Whoaahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!" yells Mario as he flies across the sky. Fortunetaly for him, unfortunetely for Superman, Mario still has that Mega missile. Accidentally hitting it, he again turns into a Pyro-GX. So he...
...afterburns toward Mr. T with all his might. Unfortunately one strap of his overalls got caught on a lightning rod, and with a huge SPROINNNG Mario was launched backwards across the sky. Just then, Luigi turned into a Phoenix, and...
Died! Love those phantom megas...
While watching the green Phoenix explode, the Material Defender suddenly realizes something...
I left the Iron on this morning!!!, He quckly turned tail and set his destination coordinates to his apartment, He quickly flew to hi home then over on the horizon heading straight for him he saw...
... the user!
"Oh, that's right! I'm still in the stupid game. Hmm, gotta get out of here so I can turn the iron off.", the Material Defender said to himself.
Gritting his teeth, he pressed the trigger. To his suprise...
... he accidentaly pressed the WEAPON trigger! The homer missile locks on to his aparment coordinates, and wastes the whole apartment complex. "I think my iron is off now," he sighs. The apartment complex owner hops in his fast ship to seek out the Material Defender only when ...
... when he starts to leave the burning apartment complex, he gets hit by some invisible napalm left over from the building explosion, and his ship crashes in the street below and burns up, leaving him unconscious. Meanwhile, Lothar attempts to compliment Skyler on that AWESOME save on the double-post, but is shot at while typing the message and attempts to go forward, so the message comes out as
Lothar: Nice save on that double post, Skylaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This makes all of the pilots in the game laugh so hard they drop into observer mode, leaving Material Defender alone again to deal with...
...his slowly unravelling sanity. "Well," he thinks, "if I lose my mind I'll at least fit in around here." On his way back to his Pyro, he sees....
The game timer hit zero. Not having completed the objective, the user loses the game, and the sprites win.
The mine's computer makes the report: "Game Over."
The cube leaves, leaving the Material Defender, a three times killed Dravis, a few DBBers, and a badly abused slice of pizza.
"Now to turn my REAL iron off.", the Material Defender says as he takes Dravis' wallet.
Before the Material Defender can leave, however...
...Thork hits him in the groin with a basketball, remarking "oops, that was meant for Lothar's groin."
Material defender blasts him with a mass driver, and continues to limp away, until...
He starts to look for the restroom, He feels as though the pizza did not agree with him. He starts to look for the Batroom then Lothar and Skyler come up to him. They notice he is looking for something with urgency.. and Lothar asks.....
..."dude, you know where there's any more pizza? I'm starving... that green stuff growing on the top of that last piece you ate looked really good."
At this point, Material defender...
...Eats another peice of pizza mistakingly by accident and runs towards the bathroom to find...
Mario coming out of the toilet!
"How on Earth did you escape the game cube and end up smelling so strongly of poo?", demands the Material Defender.
"Wella, me anda da pi-eeps, we hava this special deala. Anytime I jumpa in a pipa, I wake upa ina da potty!", Mario replied, with a fake Italian accent.
"That's the most revolting thing I've heard since that last one of Dravis' blind date stories. Let's clean you up so we can go...
...So we can get the money, and give what we owe to KoolBear and Jabba. They get the money out of the wallet and go to find KoolBear, then all of a sudden they hear a scream coming from the alley to their right, they turned and looked and saw...
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double post sneaking up behind them... they turned to run, but..
the double post monster was still there, dark and intimidating. "FEED ME ALL YOUR REPLY CREDITS!", it demanded loudly. "I would, but all we have is...
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...moldy leftover pizza...
... and a Mario."
Before the Material Defender could throw Mario at the Double Post Monster, Mario pulls out his mega missile and throws it at the monster...
...but hits a now teleporting Yoshi in the head. The Mega missile blast kills Mario and flinging the leftover pizza at Dravis which sticks to is bald head....
... Dravis was actually hungry, so he went and tried the moldy pizza. The material Defender and Mario exchange glances as Dravis eats the poisonous pizza. "Mm this is good," Dravis said with his mouth full. "Try some more, here, here's the rest" The material Defender replies.
All of a sudden Dravis gets all woozy, and doesn't feel to well, so ...
He goes to Duhq, and says..." I,, think I, am... going.. to,, "BBBBLLLAAAAQQQQQ" and he looses his cookies all over..
... MD and Mario take Dravis into the car and head to ...
...Area 51 where they meet Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa outside the gate. Elvis is BBQ'ing at the entrance to the secret base while Jimmy Hoffa is happily carrying on conversation with aliens, when...
...the nearest pizza joint which is about the close. So they put the peddle to the metal...only to crash into a...
...a Klingon Bird of Prey! Kahn had just stopped by to grab a quick slice. Sensing that the joint was about to close, MD, Mario, and Kahn all rush to the pizza place, only to find that...
... the Double Post Monster beat them to it!
Figuring there's only one way out of this, Lothar decides to call the Double Post Fairy to defeat the evil monster. Instead, he manages to call the Car Insurance Fairy...
... but as he is talking to the Car Insurance Fairy, the phone line is cut. The MD gives a questioned look ...
their most hated arch-nemises, their mother-in-law's playing a game of bridge. Mario dies from a heart attack, and ...flips over the bridge table. MD then throws it at Elvis hitting hi in the head burning the Bridge table. Elvis starts to "gyro-rize" and then...
..Mr. T comes and says to the mother-in-law "What are you doin to dese people? Dis old granny needs some o dat cerial, and some of dis 2% milk!"
..But Mr T meets the double post monster right after he teaches dis ol granny a lesson!...
Mr. T then sees Dravis, and, being the irrational punk that he is, says "fool, i gonna shoot yo in tha head." Mr. T pulls out his large semi-automatic weapon, and Dravis pulls out a mass driver, and they aim at each other.
Unfortunately, Mr. T is blinded by the glare of of Dravis' bald head, and Dravis is blinded by the glare off of Mr. T's gold chains. So, instead of shooting each other, they shoot...
The conveniently placed dartboard!
Dravis gets 10 points for his shot, and Mr. T gets a bullseye! While pondering the significance of this, MD reaches across to Trisha and asks politely for a...
... for a tissue, because Mr T. missed Dravis. As MD was using the tissue, Dravis ...
... grabbed a bottle of tylenol. This much craziness is bound to give a guy a headache... Popping a couple back, he suddenly finds himself in the psychadelic multi-colored tunnel of "Space: 2001." To make matters worse, the STAR WARS DISCO! (MP3 or midi) is playing! Just then...
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A red colored secrurity droid floats in with the Druken guide bot saying,"
Hey man, take your guide bot! It's gone bannanas."
the GB then says,"No i I haven't man! I've contracted, the uhm, uh, give me a second, um Y2k thing! Yeah that's it!"
The security gaurd answers,"you mean virus, right?"
Guide bot replies,"Virus, Y2K all the same no difference!"
"Ugg!, Begone with you!" and the security gaurd storms off to the...
donut shop, where all good security guards hang out.
With one eye on his donut, and one eye on the group of nutso's he just spoke with, and an infrared multiplex duognostic scanning ray on his coffee, because we all know how important caffiene is to electronic security bots. All of a sudden, the infrared multiplex duognostic scanning ray found a marshmellow in his coffee, and it started to swell...
...as it grew, it formed arms, legs, and a head. Oh no!! The marshmallow man had returned for the fourth time in the story!
The MD, Dravis, Mr. T, and the security droid bolted out of the Donut Shop, with marshmallow man hot in pursuit. Just then, Darth Maul pulled up on his Sith Speeder, and...
Until the DBB Thread broke! Just then, KoolBear...
Darth maul pulled up in his sith speeder, pulled off his mask, and revealed himself to be... Koolbear!
Rushing in to save the day, he chops the marshmellow man into little bits, and uses it to patch up the DBB thread!
But then a strange thing happened. The Marshmellow man, now firlmy integrated into the DBB, merged with the double post monster!
It became the....
... the doublemarshmallow monster! The MD runs away in fear as the doublemarshmallow monster runs after him. After a tiring run, suddenly ...
The MD hears a beeping noise...
it doesn't matter what he does, it keeps buzzing! The buzzing penetrates his brain, until the world starts to fade away! What could be happeneing to the poor MD?
His vision slowly comes back into focus, and finds himself in bed. "Whew, it was just a dream," he mumbled. But as he got up, he saw marshmellow smeared across his mirror, saying...
"You are now in the Marshmellow Matrix."
The Material Defender now needed to find a red marshmellow to wake up and return to reality (crazy as it is)! So, obviously the first place to look would be...
Material Defender remembers the red marshmellow when he was back in Vegas, gamballing (he lost 250,000 credits that night). He saw the red marshmellow on his plate so he picked it up and started to move it towards his mouth. Right before he ate it, he noticed it looked weird so he quickly threw it in a trash can. Seconds later, the trash guy comes and takes it...then drives away. So now, Material Defender tries to reprogram the guide-bot to...
His thoughts were interupted by a bald, fat, yellow skinned madman streaking through his bedroom, yelling WooHoo! I am so smart, S-M-R-T...
The MD questions whether he has really woken up or not...
Then he notices "Homer" tattoed on the fat man's butt, with a blue missile and a red marshmellow background! Naturally, MD...
...throws up. Going against hundreds of deadly robots who's single goal is to destroy you is one thing...
...but getting Dravis to help you eat the marshmallow man is another thing. After they finish off eating the marshmallow man, they team up to form a company called 'Wild Tangent'...
...But what's this? They're 3 members short! Who shall they call??? Maul, Quy Gon, and Obi Wan? Naw, they're all too wussy, this looks like a job for the Three Amigos!...
. . . . who came riding over the hill, fell off their horses and bent the barrels of their sixshooters only to find Clint Eastwood and The Duke . . .
"The cold just got hot!"
...only to find Clint Eastwood and The Duke . . .
...playing Canasta with Lee VanCleef and The Man from G.L.A.D. All of a sudden, The Duke jumps up and hollars "Oh yea, well Go Fish you dirty Rat" and plugs The Man from G.L.A.D. right in the plastic wrap aisle. Clint says "Well, that made my Day, lets go find us some...."
...Old bald guys, hey look there's dravis, he's an old bald guy! But wait, there's a guy almost balder than Dravis! It's Cptn. Picard! Picard says "You have broken treaty #567368587968797856378767878786788 and..."
...Old bald guys, hey look there's dravis, he's an old bald guy! But wait, there's a guy almost balder than Dravis! It's Cptn. Picard! Picard says "You have broken treaty #567368587968797856378767878786788 and..."
...Old bald guys, hey look there's dravis, he's an old bald guy! But wait, there's a guy almost balder than Dravis! It's Cptn. Picard! Picard says "You have broken treaty #567368587968797856378767878786788 and..."
...Old bald guys, hey look there's dravis, he's an old bald guy! But wait, there's a guy almost balder than Dravis! It's Cptn. Picard! Picard says "You have broken treaty #567368587968797856378767878786788 and..."
...Old bald guys, hey look there's dravis, he's an old bald guy! But wait, there's a guy almost balder than Dravis! It's Cptn. Picard! Picard says "You have broken treaty #567368587968797856378767878786788 and..."
... will pay for your pentapost."
Suddenly Q appears in the form of...
The double-marshmallow man!!!
Mr. T, quite confused at this point...
But Q pulls out a tiny laser gun looking thing and in ont gigantic blast slows dravises head which regrows. and MD pulls back Q's ear to find that the head opens...
But Q pulls out a tiny laser gun looking thing and in one gigantic blast slows dravises head which regrows. and MD pulls back Q's ear to find that the head opens...
But Q pulls out a tiny laser gun looking thing and in one gigantic blast slows dravises head which regrows. MD pulls back Q's ear to find that the head opens...
...to reveal the Dreaded Multi-Post Monster!!! With a startled yell, MD jumps back and lets it have it with his Convenient Wal-Mart Special Edition Personal Pocket Mass Driver. Of course, buying anything from Wal-Mart is a mistake, becuase upon squeezing the trigger, the Pocket Mass Driver....
Had the directional arrow pointing the wrong direction, which resulted in MD shooting himself...
Now staring at the ceiling and upsidedown, MD tries to reorient himself only to find that the "Multi-post monster/Q/Marshmallow man congomerate being", (which already seemed to have infected The_Freak_Show and snoopy), had begun to...
..get stronger and bigger, and infect even more people! All-of-a-sudden the Enterprise E crashes right into Station Shiva and...
the creature sleeps on the floor.
as the MD walked over to the sleeping creature, he could see in it something he hadn't noticed before. A quality that almost made him feel sorry for the creature.
In the conglomerate creature, the MD saw...
...the head of Dravis...
So the Material Defender saw yet another chance to kill Dravis. While MD1032 couldn't remember just how many times Dravis has been killed so far, and killing him again wouldn't help much, he still...
called for MD1075!
With the two MD's, totalling MD2097, the team easily subdued Dravis! Deciding to imprison him in one of his own virus infested installations, they left dravis alone with his creations...
...where he took out his cell phone and called for a pizza. The delivery man looked strangely familiar. He looked like...
Mario!
"Hmm..." thought dravis, "this might have possibilities..."
... and he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us...
"What is-a the-a Matrix-a?" says Mario in a fake Italian accent.
Dravis sighs under his breath towards Mario and scoffs. Then continues on to say....
Drop the chalupa...
And the little chihuahua jumps from a cliff above and
.....takes the chalupa from Mario's hand.
"Hey-a, that's-a mine-a!"
Mario eats a fire flower, then...
...gets a stomach ache. Since he's supposed to TOUCH the flower, and not eat it.
Then MD1032 notices a red M&M lying on the ground, and remember's he's still in the Marshmellow Matrix...
...picks it up and then gives it to Mario. Mario eats it and fades away. Then he remembers he was supposed to eat it. He starts to look around for another, but finds...
(Triple Post Monster was here)
(Triple Post Monster was here)
Mario's Megamissle he activates it and then...
just a Shadow trapped in the dark...
...suddenly the Mega Missile transformed into an Agent! Dravis, fully aware of the deadliness of the Agents, sprang into action. From out of his suit jacket Dravis pulled a...
...a Fusion Cannon 5000...
...a Fusion Cannon 5000...
... and fired a fully charged shot. To Dravis' suprise...
... he had forgotten to pick up eggs at the foodmart that morning, so he quicly made a note to himself on his ...
Glossy forehead, where he wouldn't forget it. But the agent surprised him again! He was QuackGuy! out if his left back pocket, he pulled out a BMFG2000, and shot himself in the foot!
He went flying through the air, and landed on his face. Dravis smirked, and...
...then suddenly Dravis reminded what all the double posts REALLY meant: deja vu! something had changed in the marshemellow matrix...
Dravis turned around to find...
that Mario had come back! than, Mario morphed into metal mario and killed...
...killed a mop which resembled Al Gore. He died for several minutes and then reformed. He pulled out a deluxe fusion cannon, capable of firing rapid fire -- which he bought at Wal-Mart. He then aimed the gun at Metal Mario and...
... and started to wimper. He couldn't do it. So instead, he 180'ed his Fusion Cannon, started to press the trigger, only when ...
...he realized that it didn't come with batteries! So he quickly ran to the walmart, and couldn't find a package of batteries that didn't say "power cell not included."
So he ran to the Eatons, which is now owned by sears, who is an affiliate of walmart, which is the best/worst store in the world, to get a set of batteries. Instead, the sales people convinced him to walk away with a new fall wardrobe! Could this be the end of the fashionless Mario?
No, it's not. Mario morphs back into himself and flys to the nearest A&F store to buy $25 tee shirts, but on the way, he is ambushed by 4...
Parakeets! it's just too much for mario! As he is pecked into oblivion, his last thoughts are of...
a giant pizza.
Meanwhile, our favorite Material Defender, MD1032, ponders how the story's focus got on Dravis and Mario instead of him...
...MD1032 remembers what his mother used to say, "Life isn't fair." He quickly jumped over the balcony, seventy stories high, trying to commit suicide. However, a small roach cushioned his fall. After he got up, the roach (which is now somewhat flat) started to run, because he was being chased by a hundred, green & yellow stripped...
monsterball!
The semi flat roach wonders why a multi colored monsterball has soehow been "mod'ed" into semi-real life, as does the MD! The MD feel some debt of gratitude to the roach, so he vausses the ball out into the middle of the road, where it...
Blocked traffic for hours!
suddenly, Fred Penner ARrived on the scene, where he tried to help move the Mball. But he was old, and just got in the way.
But then, in a flash of light and color and tacky costumes, Mr. Dressup, Fred Penners arch nemesis arrived! They both pulled out their waterguns, and went at it old west style! The MD had never seen a fight so intense befoer! he stopped to take notes.
Penner decided to combat the multipost monster, but alas, the monster just stepped on Penner, turning him into roadkill. The monster went on to fight MD...
..The Multipost Monster was a big blue furry thing. It took two steps foward and and gave out a loud growl. It then tried to jump onto MD, but smacked that roach into goop. The monster cried because it knew that the roach was it's mother. It performed the cermonial death ritual by...
pounding the ground and whimpering like a baby!
While MD watched this, in quiet amusement, he pulled out his official PTMC warpdrive, and offeredit to the multipost monster as a condolence. The next thing we know..
...an anvil falls on a nearby slice of pizza!
Horrified, Mario...
... Mario dove for the pizza, hoping desperately to save it. In mid-dive, his fat gut smashed in to the warp drive, which malfunctioned. Instead of warping the multipost monster away, it warped away everyone ELSE within a 10 foot radius - Mario, Mr. T, MD1075, Duhq, Warlock, the roach, the Wal-mart greeter, and three large pizzas, including the slice with the anvil on top - leaving the Multipost monster quite confused, and Dravis quite annoyed, for he was hoping to get another slice of moldy pizza before this was over. Well, he needed to find *something* to eat, so he...
throws the anvil off and starts giving the pizza slice CPR! He gives 5 pepperoni compressions, then one deep breath into the crust. Then 5 pepperoni compressions, then another deep breath!
but alas, it doesn't help! , tomato saucy gore is spread all over the street! Mario resigns, tired and defeated. But then...
Mario and Dravis notice that there are THREE whole pizzas still left. They run for the pizza, but the Material Defender has already gotten to them. MD1032 picks up a red piece of peperonni (wisely avoiding the blue slices) and eats it...
Unfortunately, our favorite Material Defender is colorblind after years of staring into lasers being fired at his ship. So, he actually got a fuzzy green pepperoni, which made him rather upset to his stomach. Spying the nearby port-a-crapper, he turns and runs, popping open the door. As he releases the load, he realizes the john was occupied by...
... a giant marshmellow.
who gradually became the ghost of John Crapp himself!
He warned the MD:
"aaaaalwaaaaays waaaaash your haaaaaands..."
Somewhat disturbed by this warning, the MD washed his hands. He saw a red and blue faucet. Since he liked warm water on his hands, he let turned on the red tap. A red, kool aid like liquid poured from the tap...
And then that big Kool-Aid guy burst through the wall, accompanied by some pretty wacky music. He apologizes to the ghost of John Crapp (formerly a giant marshmallow) who he smashed into the far wall with his massive belly. Material Defender, quite annoyed with all of the crazy stuff going on, pulls out the fusion cannon his grandfather gave him years ago, charges it, aims, and fires at...
the Kool Aid man, sending the red liquid everywhere!
just a little gets on the MD's tongue, and he starts to wake up from the MArshmellow MAtrix.. but then the agent, who rematerialized from Dravis, poured the blue liquid down his throat. MD was being torn between the two worlds! he became semi transparent, and existed in both worlds at the same time!
He felt like a ghost. He wonders if Mario has these types of powers.
I dismissed the thought as something else popped into my head... Something..
Wait, this didn't make any sense. This story about me was from my point of view, then it was from an observers point of view. But now that there are two of me, it seems to make sense.
Obviously, the agents were trying to trick me. I must have not really woken up from the Marshmellow Matrix because of the Kool-Aid, because I would have to be jacked in again.
Looking at my ghost image, I noticed how it was similar to lag, so calling upon the power of the Lag, I...
...Summoned his old Jedi teacher, Obi-Wan-Cablemodem.
Material Defender realizes he's switched to third person again.
I see I'm in third person again. Wait, now I'm in first person again.
Obi-Wan-Cablemodem begins to ping Material Defender over and over again, increasing his lag-shielding power to well above its original potential.
"Thank you, Obi-Wan, your generosity will not be forgotten" I remarked as I walked off towards the...
HPB arenia where he started to fall into the old habits of leading shots and killing lpb's with lag
but then the server mcfly comes in...
...and reminds me of my goal. To escape this Marshmellow Matrix. I could tell it was messing with my mind. It kept switching me from first person to third person.
The Material Defender was getting more and more confused, and my perspective began changing in midsentence.. Mcfly told me to think 4th dimensionally. MD1032 remembers Gaming Master Modem telling him that the Lag helps you to do that.
Mcfly said that to escape the Marshmellow Matrix, I needed to...
...find Topher, the local cgi guru and marshmallow matrix expert. Material defender looked up at the scores, and saw that Topher was in the game. I stopped to type a message to him, and was promptly hit by a mega missile followed by the message "bow to Killgood." Material Defender finished typing my message, again switching his perspective in mid-sentence.
"Topher - thanks for making sure I could still exist on page 6 here... but now I need your help to escape the Marshmallow Matrix."
While waiting for Topher's reply, Material defender killed Killgood 36 times.
Topher finally replied...
MD sits down and twiddles his fingers.
Topher told the MD that I must listen. "You see," he said "the Matrix is all around us. You see it, you taste it, you breathe it. You must remember that just like all other recipes, the marshmellow matrix can be bent to your particular tastes, depending on how much sugar you add, or how much heat you apply. When adding sugar, remember that there is no spoon!"
Without the spoon you can't mix it. So above all avoid trying to mix!! but the md ignores this advice.
He tried to mix, but MD1032 couldn't see what I was mixing.
Topher laughed at my efforts to mix what the Material Defender didn't yet understand. "You see, MD1032, you know the Lag, but the Lag is only useful ingame, you are in the Marshmellow Matrix, which allows for even more neato things."
At that, Topher decided to show him something about the tasty goodness of the Marshmellow Matrix...
Topher explained, "Everything within the matrix is a mixture of imagination and water. You have to add water to your imagination to get something. But, to use your imagination to get something requires much thought and only masters can achieve this. You my friend are a chosen one, so you will go through 2 to 3 years of intense training." MD had no clue what Topher was explaining, but he was daydreaming that he won the lottery and...
won a red apple from it. It was most beautiful apple he had ever seen. He took a bite and fell fast asleep no one could wake him but
...it seemed as if Obi-Wan Cablemodem hadn't quite finished restoring me into one individual. I could see MD1032's sleeping body. Wait, MD1032 is MD1032, and me is I...
As MD1032 struggled frantically to find and disable the "Enable Fog" detail option in my mind, something occured to us, um, me, err MD1032... With the power of the Lag, and Topher's cryptic explination of the Marshmellow Matrix, I can...
A few hours later, the sleeping MD was awoken by the sounds of dwarves! They were singing, not far from the forest where he was sleeping! Ignoring the fact that he was in a city just moments before, he went to see what was going on! On his way there, he tripped over the semi transparent MD. Who was stil unconscious under the pizza. Taking a slice, the MD 1032 carried on.
He found 7 dwarves mining away at the side of a mountain, with pick axes! He showed them how it was done in a pyro, and they all rejoiced! Especially Lazy, who didn't like to work hard. But before loaning his pyro to Dopey, he made sure that everyone got a drug test by Doc...
But it wasn't a drug test. He used the wrong medicine. Rather, he used ...
...some strange looking red pills...
The world started to melt around the dwarves, and they diseappeared!
Shocked by the sight, Snow white came out of her cottage before the MD could take his own pill. The MD recognized her from somewhere, just couldn't place it. Asking the MD what was going on, their eyes met, and (editied for content). The next morning, the MD realized where he knew her from! She was Always at the "abandoned" warehouse built by Schplurg Enterprises!
knowing this, he decided to...
go to his imager to decide who he liked more- seven of nine or snow white.
The imager then malfunctioned...so he went to flip a coin. Although he knew he wanted Seven of Nine more, he still liked Snow White...
Suddenly, the point of view returned to my perspective as I swallowed what I thought was a red Jolly Rancher candy while deciding who I wanted... I looked around, and I was no longer trying to decide who to choose, but was on the street...
when he saw a marshmellow walking down the street with electronic attachments, forming arms, legs, and an eerie glowing red eye.
"You will be Assimilated into the Marshmellow Collective" is said in a sugary sweet, yet mechanical voice...
"This is why you never bet on something with the marshmellow collective unless you are 100% sure your going to win...espicially when you bet with candy bars or other fatty foods."
Guys, let's post in story time part two from now on.
However, a new, radio-like voice continued, it would be perfectly alright to bet with foods such as steak from Charley's steak house in ontario, where CDN Wingman works! And today only they are on sale!
"how did a commercial get in here?" the MD wonders...
You're right, Duhq
The MD getting hungry goes straight to Charlies Steak house but as soon as he walks through the door, he sees a whole heap of robots waiting for him...
...why he is still fascinating about two fictional women? Then remebers the giant marshmallow monster, which is more menacing looking than the previous three, still heading for him! He quickly looks around for something to help him.
A respawn spot! He is saved! But what's this? Just 10.0 Liters of Napalm?! MD figures "What the hell, its all I got." So, he pulls out his lighter, takes the 10.0 liters of napalm and lights the tank. He hurls it at the very sugary villian, hoping that this would be similar to every recipie he screwed up in the kitchen back home. He moves his arm back then foward in a quick circular motion he remebers from high school football and the napalm flies through the air. The monster is set a blaze! The marshmallowy skin is burns away...
..Immediatly writing down MB's signature for future reference, he snaps his fingures, and to his surprise, it brings him a twinky, which was exactly what he was thinking of, so he thinks of a Phoenix with a much-heavier-than-standard load of weapons, including all the weapons from D2 and D3, then snaps his fingers, and a Phoenix immediatly falls from the sky crushing all the bots, then MD 1032 relizes...
MD1032 has mastered the imagination/just add water thing in only a few posts rather than a few years. MD1032 then thinks about how much PTMC didn't pay him so he thinks about money. But then two men, dressed in suits and wearing sunglasses, walk up and show a badge with "I.R.S." written on it. MD1032 runs, but...
but the MD knows that the IRS guys have got what it takes to take what he's got! as he flees to his Pheonix, the IRS guys whip out their tax forms, and suddenly a wall of red tape holds the MD back! in Fact, he's stuck to it!
so he thinks of a pair of automatic scissors, now he needs some water...
The red tape is the only thing holding MD between taxation and freedom. A bucket of water is nearby, and with scissors in mind, he reaches for it. He falls and the tape rips. Since he no longer needs the scissors, he picks himself up and runs, losing the agents. He then heads towards...
the walmart! his pheonix didn't come with any batteries, because he forgot to think of those!
When he finally reached the walmart...
he releaized that they were selling D1 in the discount bin!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! he yelled, as he....
Called Topher in the Marshmellow Matrix to fill the esle's full of D1! Racks of D1 fill the store at full price!
But MD knows somthing is missing...
But he can't quite place it...
as topher comes running down the aisle, seemingly in slow motion, (which is odd becuase every else is moving at the normal speed), it hits him! Right in the face! Someone through a pizza at him! he turns around to see, in his horror...
...and to his horror, he sees a Wal-Mart worker taking Descent 1 off the shelves and replacing it with Forsaken! MD fell to his knees, and screamed one word: NOOOOOOOOOO!
MD decided to take action by...
...powering up his Spirit Bomb blowing the worker into THE NEXT DIMENTION!!!
Then MD, Topher and Goku quickly run outside to find...
that they had blown the entire thrid dimension away with the poor wal mart sap!
Everything around them was completely 2d! This must be fixed, said the MD as he launched a Black Shark, hoping the gravity feild would pull things back into order!
MD prayed that the Black Shark, which he had custom ordered a month ago could set things straiaght. It detonated on a valuble and rare purple sportscar (a Prowler?), sucking it in, as well as parts of the parking lot, shopping carts, various people, and then detonated setting everything back to 3-dimensional. He also created a vortex which looked something like what you would see on Stargate. MD thought he found a gate to a new world. Because he was a very curious person, he flew, in his pyro, through the vortex and...
was thrown through a maze of gooey, marshmellowy wormholes! HE had at last escaped the Marshmellow Matrix! (that ones for you Mad )
But this strange new world that he saw was unlike any other he had ever seen, it was...
It was full of robots that MD had destroied before, Class 1 Drones, Hellion Assult Mechs, Sidearms, and other robots our hero has destroyed. MD's old guide-bot (the one MD nailed headon with flash missles and earthshakers against the lava back in the good ol' days of D2), came up to the pyro, causing the newer guide-bot to get out and they started talking. The guide-bot translated, "We are sorry for what harm we caused you. I just shot those innocent flares at you because it was fun and playful. But you fired shakers at me. All I ever wanted was a friend because I've been abused so much." MD responded by saying...
IP: Logged
(My beautiful Prowler, destroied by a black shark...snif)
"Awwww...ain't that cute." the MD said. He walked up and hugged the older guidebot, crushing parts of him and shorting out parts of the circuts. In response, the guide-bot extended a arm with cattle prod on it and shocked MD until he started to...
...was briefly blinded by the gleaming light reflecting off of Dravis' bald head. Dravis looked up at me from his computer screen and said...
..."Hey! Where's my coffee, moron? Oh, wait, it's you. Well, I have a job for you."...
You see that brand new Dodge Dart out there ?? Why don't you ...........
...-but he was cut off as the Dodge Dart was blown to smithereens in a magnificent ball of firey plasma! A terrorist burst in the door and...
...just managed to say "We are the people of the...." before being cut to pieces by the automatic security guns. Dravis called for a clean up crew. "Now, where were we?" Dravis said.
"Umm.. You were finally going to pay me for services rendered. Yeah. That's it." I replied.
"Ah, that's right." replied Dravis. "You've just reminded me why I brought you here. You see, our accounting system was just hit by a major virus, which we believe was caused by..."
...A piece of cheese dropped in there by my guidebot...
the piece of cheese dropped by the guidebot slowly molded into a lump of moving pus...
...that ordered 12 pizzas and had them delivered to Scary Spice who answered the door in...
...mean while, batman had been workin on a way to kill the Joker, AGAIN, but all-of-a-sudden, he gets ambushed by 15 sharks, 24 stingers, and 4 threshers, Batman shoots off his hooky thingy, but a thresher discintegrates it with a burst of fusion, bat man is surrounded, but then robbin appears! he shoots his little boomerang thing at a stinger, but a shark bites it before it can make contact, then throws it back at robbin, slicing his head off. Now it's batmans turn! He looks over into the corner, there's a strange noise, uh oh, now he's dead, it's the HELLION ASSAULT MECH! hellion takes out his laser, batman incinarates into a cloud of steam...
...her lovers arms .....
and than Scary Spice looks at the Joker and says "Come over here, big boy..."....
Joker struggles as he is being crushed by her weight, he here's his own ribs breaking into millions of pieces "You've gained weight since I last saw you" said Joker...
...But before Scary Spice can reply, Kenneth Starr storms in with a federal subpeona for...
aand than everything freezes, and MD looks at Dravis and says "wow". And than Trinity from the Matrix says "You are the one, MD."....
...and throws it down Scary Spices esophogus causing her immediate demise, but then...
Kenneth Star, Scary Spice, headless robin, batman, the guidebot, Peewee Herman, ripped apart terrorist, the clean up crew, MD, trinity and Dravis all come together and start singing:
"WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS,
WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDS,
WHY CANT WE BE FRIIIIIEEEENNNDDSS?"
until....
The guidebot comes in and starts shooting flares at dravis but because of its stupidity
...it missed and hit the forgotten-about pizzas which, driven mad by the horrible singing, had already committed ..ask u to come with him...
...and after that he shoots Kenneth, Scary Spice, and...
pulls out a silver thing and asks you to look in the red light
...and proceeds to press the button on the device which, unfortunately, was facing backwards.
His memory erased, the Agent then...
sammy davis' good eye, he turns to steel door blocking the escape hallway and meets the snuffleuppogus holding a utility knife and the cut-off mouse from birdeyes D3 computer....
them they all hear "I want my gold" in a high pitched leprochan voice
and MD pops out and says "Who the heck are you? Stupid Irish myths.." MD takes out his hand gun and blows off the leprecauns head, but he aint dead, he shoot him in the belly, still not dead, MD hops in his Phoenix and shoots a mega, nows he's dead! But wait a second! OH NO! IT'S THE STAY PUFFED MARSHMELLOW MAN! AHHHHHHH!!!!!....
and suddenly music comes out of no where:
"Who ya gonna call? GHOST BUSTERS!"...
...and then everybody starts break dancing, and Dravis turns into a dog! Then the Ghost Busters arrive and cross their streams and blow up the Marshmellow Man, but he comes back to live again!...
...to which the MD replies "ahh, screw the Ghostbusters" and toasts the marshmallow man with his napalm cannon.
"Wow, just think how many Smores I could make with that" thought the MD as he flew over the marshmallow man's remains. But the mass of white goo started to move...
then dravis jumps up outta no where and hops in a company pyro and throw out a Black Shark missle at the ghostbusters car incinerating them. All of a sudden the Marshmellow man...
...delivered a riveting commentary on the current state of Social security in America. A swarm of middle aged white male Republicans soon filled the area, and...
..MD says "Dravis WTheck did you do that for, and how did you do that when your a DOG?!?! BTW you ow me some money, and who are these other guys!?!?!?"...
...Then me, Payne, PG, Warlock, DuhQ, TySoft, and Sc0rch come into the seen, Marshmellow man spits on TySoft, causing him to go into a roll, crash, and explode into a firy death. DuhQ flies into the marchmellow man, but MM(marshmellowman) grabs him and crushes him to death, throwing him at Warlock, causing Warlock to explode, but Warlock ejects before his ship explodes...
...meanwhile, payne, PG, scorch, and the__freak_show regroup, and with the modified plasma guns from the ghostbusters, circle the MM and fire at him! Then, each shoots off a vauss rounds, which shreds the MM into a delicate meringue! When all of a sudden...
...The standard voice of the computer in the PTMC mines made a report. "Warning, incoming game. Warning, incoming game."...
... and dravis starts barking orders at the vast legion of evil robots under his command...
...JMEaT drops one of the slices of pizza he swiped from scary spice after her unfortunate and untimely demise...
... then the Defender of all comes to the rescue and unleashes the power of a black hole onto the unsuspecting hoard of robots and they become sucked into oblivion. But alas Dravis calls on his backup, HELION ASSAULT MECH 2!! Unfortunataley for the Defender he slips on the cheese from JMEaT's pizza and...
... then the Defender of all comes to the rescue and unleashes the power of a black hole onto the unsuspecting hoard of robots and they get sucked into oblivion. But alas Dravis calls on his backup, HELION ASSAULT MECH 2!! Unfortunataley for the Defender he slips on the cheese from JMEaT's pizza and...
...takes a nap.
The new Hellion Assault Mech hovers to Dravis, a piece of armor slides back, revealing a menacing metal tube. The robot's eyes flash red, and then it fills Dravis' cup with some fresh coffee...
.... just then a large group of Pyros, Interceptors and Magnums (all bearing markings of the Midnight Squadron) swoop down in perfect formation and obliterate everything in sight...
... including them selfs. Fortunately our hero and the other main charicters climb in to the old missile complex/mine that the building is constructed on, where they find ...
...That the game cube had just hit them. It seems that the user had loaded the most hated game in history, the game known as...
And what stod before them? None other than the Marshmellow Man! Luckily, Bob was on the job, with Enzo nipping at his heels!
Everyone "rebooted" into...
..Chaos, and MD says "Aw crap, I thought that guy was gone for good!" then Dravis turns back into a human again, and 10 Black Pyros warp in and engage MD, while the Mellenium Falcon takes out the marshmellow man AGAIN...
... Then suddenly, the Midnight squadron looks at Dravis' bald head and say "wait.. That's not..." !
...very attractive. Dang, Dravis, you ever heard of Rogaine? Give it a try."
Then the MD, Dravis, and Han Solo ventured into the complex below the PTMC HQ, where they stumbled upon a...
...bag of money. Since all three of the of them wanted it, they decided to have a duel. Since Han and the MD had blasters, they both capped Dravis quickly, killing him for the second time this story. Turning to each other, they...
...looked at each other closely. Han Solo says, "Let's not fight. We can split the money." MD quickly pulls out his gun and Han jumps up into the air and transforms into what looks like the Marshmellow man. The Marshmellow man figure stood up and...
...was hit by the shrapnel from 600 frag missiles fired by the Hellion Assault Mech 2...
Then the Hellion Mech begins walking over to Marshmallow Man, who is dazed and slowly deflating. As its metallic joints creak menacingly, the Mech draws closer to the great pile of white, smiling goo. Everyone else draws back, fearful of what is about to transpire. Two long rectangular pieces of metal slide out of the Mech's back towards the sky. Flat panel speakers. Grating the cement like ice on bricks, the Mech grinds to a halt and it's speakers begin to hum with power. Suddenly, "ICE, ICE, BABY! ICE, ICE, BABY!" erupts forth at ten thousand decibels, blasting the large white monster to bits. Dravis picks up a small morsel on his finger, puts it in his mouth, and remarks...
IP: Logged
..."So, Material Defender, it seems you have killed me yet again. For that, you shall..."...
TASTE LIKE CHICKEN !!!!!
And than everyone hugs each other and they start singing:
"Come Togethhheeerrr! Right noooowwww.....
OVER MEE!"...
...and the tripped over slice of pizza committed suicide for a second time at the sound of more horrible singing.
But then a thunderous sound drowned out the dissonant revelrie. The sound was the booming voice of..
...Mario...
mario says.. its a mee! mario! i have come to steal ur money md and.....
Do you-a mind-a if I-a eatta that-a slice
of pizza ???......this-a taste-a reall good
but-a something is a missing ........
Luigi,,,, where is my brother luigi??? he says, while jugging 3 meatballs, and one mega missle.., then he..
...turns into a Pyro-GX. Which really isn't too strange, seeing as a leaf can turn him partway into a racoon. With his newfound powers, he..
...implodes and is sucked out into space for no obvious reason. And then all off a sudden a President from TFC comes in and....
...fusionates the now three times reanimated marshmallow man.
Suddenly Scorch appears on the scene, yells "I'm finally a DBB Captain! WOO-HOO!", jumps in his Pyro, and takes off. He slams into the Mir space station on the way out and caromes off a satellite before leaving the atmosphere.
Mario, having landed, found his brother Luigi and ran to a nearby convenience store. They returned with ten bags full of chocolate and graham crackers. Ravenous looks in their eyes, they ran toward the once again dead marshmallow man, and...
the once happy fluffy stay puft had morphed into the pillsbury dough boy, The dough boy looked at them and.....
They hopped on his head and gained 1000 points!
Suddenly the Defender flys up in his Phoenix and chars the pilsbury dough boy with his napalm cannon. He rips off a piece and says "Anyone got some butter for these biscuts?"
Ever so slowly, Dravis stumbles toward MD and says "...
"Not in my office. Take it outside."
But then, MM comes back, and spits out none other than "BOWSER"!...
But wait! This was Microsoft Bowser!
It tried to move, but suddenly it's eyes changed to blue and stood perfectly still! Mario edged close and read aloud. "A fatal-a error has-a occured-a!"
All of a sudden, Rican comes on the scene, and says" NOT IN MY FORUM!" and with a decisive blow from his mouse...
with a descisve blow from his mouse he kills microsoft's acccount and says. aha... they can go over to eyerates forum if they wanna do errors.....
IP: Logged
...all of a sudden, Bill Gates walks into the picture and wants to buy everything, mainly because...
... it seems appealing to him to have all these cool ships to blow up Netscape and Linux and MacOS ...
But Bill is foiled and our heroes are doomed!
The Linux Ships have much better targeting systems, come equiped with radar, and are practically invincible! Meanwhile, the MacOS ships are faster, more agile, and never crash into walls! Now that Willy Gates has bought our heros, they can't seem to fly straight! Oh no!
...To roast the marshmellow man over a campfire. But in order to do that, first they needed to...
IP: Logged
...consult their Magic 8 Ball! The holy 8 ball was about to give it's guidence when a huge explosion shook the complex. Mr. T's van had crashed through the walls and now Mr. T stood before the heros!
"Hey fooz!" Says Mr. T, "Wuz all diz noize wit dat mah'shmella' man? I'z gonna find his azz and throw it hella far! Now getz in mah van, cause it's hella fast!"
So the heros board Mr. T's hella fast van, and...
Mr. T. then blairs: "I pity dose foos who don't eat my cereal!"
MD, Dravis, and Mario, Luigi,sit down in the van and have some cereal. Mr. T. then says, "
who is this guy named bill gates that your after? i might be able to choke em with my cereal.. Then Superman comes in and says...
"Bill Gates huh?" Says Superman.. "That's Lexcorp's vice president.. Wait, maybe that's Microlex.. I forget.".
Mr. T. then says to Superman "zid down and haf some of muh cereal foo'!" With his mouth full, Superman mumbles something pertaining to Bill Gates... He then swallows it and says " !
"Oops. Double post.".
The gang looks at him funny.
"Uhhh........ I guess that wasn't funny" says Superman. "Anyway! " --
Hey mario, was that you i saw with Lois last night??
"Uhh, no-a, that-a wasn't a me-a."
Superman thinks for a second, then *wham*. After all, how are you going to mistake someone else for a short, fat plumber with a red hat on? Mario flies through the roof on the van.
"Whoaahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!" yells Mario as he flies across the sky. Fortunetaly for him, unfortunetely for Superman, Mario still has that Mega missile. Accidentally hitting it, he again turns into a Pyro-GX. So he...
...afterburns toward Mr. T with all his might. Unfortunately one strap of his overalls got caught on a lightning rod, and with a huge SPROINNNG Mario was launched backwards across the sky. Just then, Luigi turned into a Phoenix, and...
Died! Love those phantom megas...
While watching the green Phoenix explode, the Material Defender suddenly realizes something...
I left the Iron on this morning!!!, He quckly turned tail and set his destination coordinates to his apartment, He quickly flew to hi home then over on the horizon heading straight for him he saw...
... the user!
"Oh, that's right! I'm still in the stupid game. Hmm, gotta get out of here so I can turn the iron off.", the Material Defender said to himself.
Gritting his teeth, he pressed the trigger. To his suprise...
... he accidentaly pressed the WEAPON trigger! The homer missile locks on to his aparment coordinates, and wastes the whole apartment complex. "I think my iron is off now," he sighs. The apartment complex owner hops in his fast ship to seek out the Material Defender only when ...
... when he starts to leave the burning apartment complex, he gets hit by some invisible napalm left over from the building explosion, and his ship crashes in the street below and burns up, leaving him unconscious. Meanwhile, Lothar attempts to compliment Skyler on that AWESOME save on the double-post, but is shot at while typing the message and attempts to go forward, so the message comes out as
Lothar: Nice save on that double post, Skylaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This makes all of the pilots in the game laugh so hard they drop into observer mode, leaving Material Defender alone again to deal with...
...his slowly unravelling sanity. "Well," he thinks, "if I lose my mind I'll at least fit in around here." On his way back to his Pyro, he sees....
The game timer hit zero. Not having completed the objective, the user loses the game, and the sprites win.
The mine's computer makes the report: "Game Over."
The cube leaves, leaving the Material Defender, a three times killed Dravis, a few DBBers, and a badly abused slice of pizza.
"Now to turn my REAL iron off.", the Material Defender says as he takes Dravis' wallet.
Before the Material Defender can leave, however...
...Thork hits him in the groin with a basketball, remarking "oops, that was meant for Lothar's groin."
Material defender blasts him with a mass driver, and continues to limp away, until...
He starts to look for the restroom, He feels as though the pizza did not agree with him. He starts to look for the Batroom then Lothar and Skyler come up to him. They notice he is looking for something with urgency.. and Lothar asks.....
..."dude, you know where there's any more pizza? I'm starving... that green stuff growing on the top of that last piece you ate looked really good."
At this point, Material defender...
...Eats another peice of pizza mistakingly by accident and runs towards the bathroom to find...
Mario coming out of the toilet!
"How on Earth did you escape the game cube and end up smelling so strongly of poo?", demands the Material Defender.
"Wella, me anda da pi-eeps, we hava this special deala. Anytime I jumpa in a pipa, I wake upa ina da potty!", Mario replied, with a fake Italian accent.
"That's the most revolting thing I've heard since that last one of Dravis' blind date stories. Let's clean you up so we can go...
...So we can get the money, and give what we owe to KoolBear and Jabba. They get the money out of the wallet and go to find KoolBear, then all of a sudden they hear a scream coming from the alley to their right, they turned and looked and saw...
IP: Logged
double post sneaking up behind them... they turned to run, but..
the double post monster was still there, dark and intimidating. "FEED ME ALL YOUR REPLY CREDITS!", it demanded loudly. "I would, but all we have is...
IP: Logged
...moldy leftover pizza...
... and a Mario."
Before the Material Defender could throw Mario at the Double Post Monster, Mario pulls out his mega missile and throws it at the monster...
...but hits a now teleporting Yoshi in the head. The Mega missile blast kills Mario and flinging the leftover pizza at Dravis which sticks to is bald head....
... Dravis was actually hungry, so he went and tried the moldy pizza. The material Defender and Mario exchange glances as Dravis eats the poisonous pizza. "Mm this is good," Dravis said with his mouth full. "Try some more, here, here's the rest" The material Defender replies.
All of a sudden Dravis gets all woozy, and doesn't feel to well, so ...
He goes to Duhq, and says..." I,, think I, am... going.. to,, "BBBBLLLAAAAQQQQQ" and he looses his cookies all over..
... MD and Mario take Dravis into the car and head to ...
...Area 51 where they meet Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa outside the gate. Elvis is BBQ'ing at the entrance to the secret base while Jimmy Hoffa is happily carrying on conversation with aliens, when...
...the nearest pizza joint which is about the close. So they put the peddle to the metal...only to crash into a...
...a Klingon Bird of Prey! Kahn had just stopped by to grab a quick slice. Sensing that the joint was about to close, MD, Mario, and Kahn all rush to the pizza place, only to find that...
... the Double Post Monster beat them to it!
Figuring there's only one way out of this, Lothar decides to call the Double Post Fairy to defeat the evil monster. Instead, he manages to call the Car Insurance Fairy...
... but as he is talking to the Car Insurance Fairy, the phone line is cut. The MD gives a questioned look ...
their most hated arch-nemises, their mother-in-law's playing a game of bridge. Mario dies from a heart attack, and ...flips over the bridge table. MD then throws it at Elvis hitting hi in the head burning the Bridge table. Elvis starts to "gyro-rize" and then...
..Mr. T comes and says to the mother-in-law "What are you doin to dese people? Dis old granny needs some o dat cerial, and some of dis 2% milk!"
..But Mr T meets the double post monster right after he teaches dis ol granny a lesson!...
Mr. T then sees Dravis, and, being the irrational punk that he is, says "fool, i gonna shoot yo in tha head." Mr. T pulls out his large semi-automatic weapon, and Dravis pulls out a mass driver, and they aim at each other.
Unfortunately, Mr. T is blinded by the glare of of Dravis' bald head, and Dravis is blinded by the glare off of Mr. T's gold chains. So, instead of shooting each other, they shoot...
The conveniently placed dartboard!
Dravis gets 10 points for his shot, and Mr. T gets a bullseye! While pondering the significance of this, MD reaches across to Trisha and asks politely for a...
... for a tissue, because Mr T. missed Dravis. As MD was using the tissue, Dravis ...
... grabbed a bottle of tylenol. This much craziness is bound to give a guy a headache... Popping a couple back, he suddenly finds himself in the psychadelic multi-colored tunnel of "Space: 2001." To make matters worse, the STAR WARS DISCO! (MP3 or midi) is playing! Just then...
IP: Logged
A red colored secrurity droid floats in with the Druken guide bot saying,"
Hey man, take your guide bot! It's gone bannanas."
the GB then says,"No i I haven't man! I've contracted, the uhm, uh, give me a second, um Y2k thing! Yeah that's it!"
The security gaurd answers,"you mean virus, right?"
Guide bot replies,"Virus, Y2K all the same no difference!"
"Ugg!, Begone with you!" and the security gaurd storms off to the...
donut shop, where all good security guards hang out.
With one eye on his donut, and one eye on the group of nutso's he just spoke with, and an infrared multiplex duognostic scanning ray on his coffee, because we all know how important caffiene is to electronic security bots. All of a sudden, the infrared multiplex duognostic scanning ray found a marshmellow in his coffee, and it started to swell...
...as it grew, it formed arms, legs, and a head. Oh no!! The marshmallow man had returned for the fourth time in the story!
The MD, Dravis, Mr. T, and the security droid bolted out of the Donut Shop, with marshmallow man hot in pursuit. Just then, Darth Maul pulled up on his Sith Speeder, and...
Until the DBB Thread broke! Just then, KoolBear...
Darth maul pulled up in his sith speeder, pulled off his mask, and revealed himself to be... Koolbear!
Rushing in to save the day, he chops the marshmellow man into little bits, and uses it to patch up the DBB thread!
But then a strange thing happened. The Marshmellow man, now firlmy integrated into the DBB, merged with the double post monster!
It became the....
... the doublemarshmallow monster! The MD runs away in fear as the doublemarshmallow monster runs after him. After a tiring run, suddenly ...
The MD hears a beeping noise...
it doesn't matter what he does, it keeps buzzing! The buzzing penetrates his brain, until the world starts to fade away! What could be happeneing to the poor MD?
His vision slowly comes back into focus, and finds himself in bed. "Whew, it was just a dream," he mumbled. But as he got up, he saw marshmellow smeared across his mirror, saying...
"You are now in the Marshmellow Matrix."
The Material Defender now needed to find a red marshmellow to wake up and return to reality (crazy as it is)! So, obviously the first place to look would be...
Material Defender remembers the red marshmellow when he was back in Vegas, gamballing (he lost 250,000 credits that night). He saw the red marshmellow on his plate so he picked it up and started to move it towards his mouth. Right before he ate it, he noticed it looked weird so he quickly threw it in a trash can. Seconds later, the trash guy comes and takes it...then drives away. So now, Material Defender tries to reprogram the guide-bot to...
His thoughts were interupted by a bald, fat, yellow skinned madman streaking through his bedroom, yelling WooHoo! I am so smart, S-M-R-T...
The MD questions whether he has really woken up or not...
Then he notices "Homer" tattoed on the fat man's butt, with a blue missile and a red marshmellow background! Naturally, MD...
...throws up. Going against hundreds of deadly robots who's single goal is to destroy you is one thing...
...but getting Dravis to help you eat the marshmallow man is another thing. After they finish off eating the marshmallow man, they team up to form a company called 'Wild Tangent'...
...But what's this? They're 3 members short! Who shall they call??? Maul, Quy Gon, and Obi Wan? Naw, they're all too wussy, this looks like a job for the Three Amigos!...
. . . . who came riding over the hill, fell off their horses and bent the barrels of their sixshooters only to find Clint Eastwood and The Duke . . .
"The cold just got hot!"
...only to find Clint Eastwood and The Duke . . .
...playing Canasta with Lee VanCleef and The Man from G.L.A.D. All of a sudden, The Duke jumps up and hollars "Oh yea, well Go Fish you dirty Rat" and plugs The Man from G.L.A.D. right in the plastic wrap aisle. Clint says "Well, that made my Day, lets go find us some...."
...Old bald guys, hey look there's dravis, he's an old bald guy! But wait, there's a guy almost balder than Dravis! It's Cptn. Picard! Picard says "You have broken treaty #567368587968797856378767878786788 and..."
...Old bald guys, hey look there's dravis, he's an old bald guy! But wait, there's a guy almost balder than Dravis! It's Cptn. Picard! Picard says "You have broken treaty #567368587968797856378767878786788 and..."
...Old bald guys, hey look there's dravis, he's an old bald guy! But wait, there's a guy almost balder than Dravis! It's Cptn. Picard! Picard says "You have broken treaty #567368587968797856378767878786788 and..."
...Old bald guys, hey look there's dravis, he's an old bald guy! But wait, there's a guy almost balder than Dravis! It's Cptn. Picard! Picard says "You have broken treaty #567368587968797856378767878786788 and..."
...Old bald guys, hey look there's dravis, he's an old bald guy! But wait, there's a guy almost balder than Dravis! It's Cptn. Picard! Picard says "You have broken treaty #567368587968797856378767878786788 and..."
... will pay for your pentapost."
Suddenly Q appears in the form of...
The double-marshmallow man!!!
Mr. T, quite confused at this point...
But Q pulls out a tiny laser gun looking thing and in ont gigantic blast slows dravises head which regrows. and MD pulls back Q's ear to find that the head opens...
But Q pulls out a tiny laser gun looking thing and in one gigantic blast slows dravises head which regrows. and MD pulls back Q's ear to find that the head opens...
But Q pulls out a tiny laser gun looking thing and in one gigantic blast slows dravises head which regrows. MD pulls back Q's ear to find that the head opens...
...to reveal the Dreaded Multi-Post Monster!!! With a startled yell, MD jumps back and lets it have it with his Convenient Wal-Mart Special Edition Personal Pocket Mass Driver. Of course, buying anything from Wal-Mart is a mistake, becuase upon squeezing the trigger, the Pocket Mass Driver....
Had the directional arrow pointing the wrong direction, which resulted in MD shooting himself...
Now staring at the ceiling and upsidedown, MD tries to reorient himself only to find that the "Multi-post monster/Q/Marshmallow man congomerate being", (which already seemed to have infected The_Freak_Show and snoopy), had begun to...
..get stronger and bigger, and infect even more people! All-of-a-sudden the Enterprise E crashes right into Station Shiva and...
the creature sleeps on the floor.
as the MD walked over to the sleeping creature, he could see in it something he hadn't noticed before. A quality that almost made him feel sorry for the creature.
In the conglomerate creature, the MD saw...
...the head of Dravis...
So the Material Defender saw yet another chance to kill Dravis. While MD1032 couldn't remember just how many times Dravis has been killed so far, and killing him again wouldn't help much, he still...
called for MD1075!
With the two MD's, totalling MD2097, the team easily subdued Dravis! Deciding to imprison him in one of his own virus infested installations, they left dravis alone with his creations...
...where he took out his cell phone and called for a pizza. The delivery man looked strangely familiar. He looked like...
Mario!
"Hmm..." thought dravis, "this might have possibilities..."
... and he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us...
"What is-a the-a Matrix-a?" says Mario in a fake Italian accent.
Dravis sighs under his breath towards Mario and scoffs. Then continues on to say....
Drop the chalupa...
And the little chihuahua jumps from a cliff above and
.....takes the chalupa from Mario's hand.
"Hey-a, that's-a mine-a!"
Mario eats a fire flower, then...
...gets a stomach ache. Since he's supposed to TOUCH the flower, and not eat it.
Then MD1032 notices a red M&M lying on the ground, and remember's he's still in the Marshmellow Matrix...
...picks it up and then gives it to Mario. Mario eats it and fades away. Then he remembers he was supposed to eat it. He starts to look around for another, but finds...
(Triple Post Monster was here)
(Triple Post Monster was here)
Mario's Megamissle he activates it and then...
just a Shadow trapped in the dark...
...suddenly the Mega Missile transformed into an Agent! Dravis, fully aware of the deadliness of the Agents, sprang into action. From out of his suit jacket Dravis pulled a...
...a Fusion Cannon 5000...
...a Fusion Cannon 5000...
... and fired a fully charged shot. To Dravis' suprise...
... he had forgotten to pick up eggs at the foodmart that morning, so he quicly made a note to himself on his ...
Glossy forehead, where he wouldn't forget it. But the agent surprised him again! He was QuackGuy! out if his left back pocket, he pulled out a BMFG2000, and shot himself in the foot!
He went flying through the air, and landed on his face. Dravis smirked, and...
...then suddenly Dravis reminded what all the double posts REALLY meant: deja vu! something had changed in the marshemellow matrix...
Dravis turned around to find...
that Mario had come back! than, Mario morphed into metal mario and killed...
...killed a mop which resembled Al Gore. He died for several minutes and then reformed. He pulled out a deluxe fusion cannon, capable of firing rapid fire -- which he bought at Wal-Mart. He then aimed the gun at Metal Mario and...
... and started to wimper. He couldn't do it. So instead, he 180'ed his Fusion Cannon, started to press the trigger, only when ...
...he realized that it didn't come with batteries! So he quickly ran to the walmart, and couldn't find a package of batteries that didn't say "power cell not included."
So he ran to the Eatons, which is now owned by sears, who is an affiliate of walmart, which is the best/worst store in the world, to get a set of batteries. Instead, the sales people convinced him to walk away with a new fall wardrobe! Could this be the end of the fashionless Mario?
No, it's not. Mario morphs back into himself and flys to the nearest A&F store to buy $25 tee shirts, but on the way, he is ambushed by 4...
Parakeets! it's just too much for mario! As he is pecked into oblivion, his last thoughts are of...
a giant pizza.
Meanwhile, our favorite Material Defender, MD1032, ponders how the story's focus got on Dravis and Mario instead of him...
...MD1032 remembers what his mother used to say, "Life isn't fair." He quickly jumped over the balcony, seventy stories high, trying to commit suicide. However, a small roach cushioned his fall. After he got up, the roach (which is now somewhat flat) started to run, because he was being chased by a hundred, green & yellow stripped...
monsterball!
The semi flat roach wonders why a multi colored monsterball has soehow been "mod'ed" into semi-real life, as does the MD! The MD feel some debt of gratitude to the roach, so he vausses the ball out into the middle of the road, where it...
Blocked traffic for hours!
suddenly, Fred Penner ARrived on the scene, where he tried to help move the Mball. But he was old, and just got in the way.
But then, in a flash of light and color and tacky costumes, Mr. Dressup, Fred Penners arch nemesis arrived! They both pulled out their waterguns, and went at it old west style! The MD had never seen a fight so intense befoer! he stopped to take notes.
Penner decided to combat the multipost monster, but alas, the monster just stepped on Penner, turning him into roadkill. The monster went on to fight MD...
..The Multipost Monster was a big blue furry thing. It took two steps foward and and gave out a loud growl. It then tried to jump onto MD, but smacked that roach into goop. The monster cried because it knew that the roach was it's mother. It performed the cermonial death ritual by...
pounding the ground and whimpering like a baby!
While MD watched this, in quiet amusement, he pulled out his official PTMC warpdrive, and offeredit to the multipost monster as a condolence. The next thing we know..
...an anvil falls on a nearby slice of pizza!
Horrified, Mario...
... Mario dove for the pizza, hoping desperately to save it. In mid-dive, his fat gut smashed in to the warp drive, which malfunctioned. Instead of warping the multipost monster away, it warped away everyone ELSE within a 10 foot radius - Mario, Mr. T, MD1075, Duhq, Warlock, the roach, the Wal-mart greeter, and three large pizzas, including the slice with the anvil on top - leaving the Multipost monster quite confused, and Dravis quite annoyed, for he was hoping to get another slice of moldy pizza before this was over. Well, he needed to find *something* to eat, so he...
throws the anvil off and starts giving the pizza slice CPR! He gives 5 pepperoni compressions, then one deep breath into the crust. Then 5 pepperoni compressions, then another deep breath!
but alas, it doesn't help! , tomato saucy gore is spread all over the street! Mario resigns, tired and defeated. But then...
Mario and Dravis notice that there are THREE whole pizzas still left. They run for the pizza, but the Material Defender has already gotten to them. MD1032 picks up a red piece of peperonni (wisely avoiding the blue slices) and eats it...
Unfortunately, our favorite Material Defender is colorblind after years of staring into lasers being fired at his ship. So, he actually got a fuzzy green pepperoni, which made him rather upset to his stomach. Spying the nearby port-a-crapper, he turns and runs, popping open the door. As he releases the load, he realizes the john was occupied by...
... a giant marshmellow.
who gradually became the ghost of John Crapp himself!
He warned the MD:
"aaaaalwaaaaays waaaaash your haaaaaands..."
Somewhat disturbed by this warning, the MD washed his hands. He saw a red and blue faucet. Since he liked warm water on his hands, he let turned on the red tap. A red, kool aid like liquid poured from the tap...
And then that big Kool-Aid guy burst through the wall, accompanied by some pretty wacky music. He apologizes to the ghost of John Crapp (formerly a giant marshmallow) who he smashed into the far wall with his massive belly. Material Defender, quite annoyed with all of the crazy stuff going on, pulls out the fusion cannon his grandfather gave him years ago, charges it, aims, and fires at...
the Kool Aid man, sending the red liquid everywhere!
just a little gets on the MD's tongue, and he starts to wake up from the MArshmellow MAtrix.. but then the agent, who rematerialized from Dravis, poured the blue liquid down his throat. MD was being torn between the two worlds! he became semi transparent, and existed in both worlds at the same time!
He felt like a ghost. He wonders if Mario has these types of powers.
I dismissed the thought as something else popped into my head... Something..
Wait, this didn't make any sense. This story about me was from my point of view, then it was from an observers point of view. But now that there are two of me, it seems to make sense.
Obviously, the agents were trying to trick me. I must have not really woken up from the Marshmellow Matrix because of the Kool-Aid, because I would have to be jacked in again.
Looking at my ghost image, I noticed how it was similar to lag, so calling upon the power of the Lag, I...
...Summoned his old Jedi teacher, Obi-Wan-Cablemodem.
Material Defender realizes he's switched to third person again.
I see I'm in third person again. Wait, now I'm in first person again.
Obi-Wan-Cablemodem begins to ping Material Defender over and over again, increasing his lag-shielding power to well above its original potential.
"Thank you, Obi-Wan, your generosity will not be forgotten" I remarked as I walked off towards the...
HPB arenia where he started to fall into the old habits of leading shots and killing lpb's with lag
but then the server mcfly comes in...
...and reminds me of my goal. To escape this Marshmellow Matrix. I could tell it was messing with my mind. It kept switching me from first person to third person.
The Material Defender was getting more and more confused, and my perspective began changing in midsentence.. Mcfly told me to think 4th dimensionally. MD1032 remembers Gaming Master Modem telling him that the Lag helps you to do that.
Mcfly said that to escape the Marshmellow Matrix, I needed to...
...find Topher, the local cgi guru and marshmallow matrix expert. Material defender looked up at the scores, and saw that Topher was in the game. I stopped to type a message to him, and was promptly hit by a mega missile followed by the message "bow to Killgood." Material Defender finished typing my message, again switching his perspective in mid-sentence.
"Topher - thanks for making sure I could still exist on page 6 here... but now I need your help to escape the Marshmallow Matrix."
While waiting for Topher's reply, Material defender killed Killgood 36 times.
Topher finally replied...
MD sits down and twiddles his fingers.
Topher told the MD that I must listen. "You see," he said "the Matrix is all around us. You see it, you taste it, you breathe it. You must remember that just like all other recipes, the marshmellow matrix can be bent to your particular tastes, depending on how much sugar you add, or how much heat you apply. When adding sugar, remember that there is no spoon!"
Without the spoon you can't mix it. So above all avoid trying to mix!! but the md ignores this advice.
He tried to mix, but MD1032 couldn't see what I was mixing.
Topher laughed at my efforts to mix what the Material Defender didn't yet understand. "You see, MD1032, you know the Lag, but the Lag is only useful ingame, you are in the Marshmellow Matrix, which allows for even more neato things."
At that, Topher decided to show him something about the tasty goodness of the Marshmellow Matrix...
Topher explained, "Everything within the matrix is a mixture of imagination and water. You have to add water to your imagination to get something. But, to use your imagination to get something requires much thought and only masters can achieve this. You my friend are a chosen one, so you will go through 2 to 3 years of intense training." MD had no clue what Topher was explaining, but he was daydreaming that he won the lottery and...
won a red apple from it. It was most beautiful apple he had ever seen. He took a bite and fell fast asleep no one could wake him but
...it seemed as if Obi-Wan Cablemodem hadn't quite finished restoring me into one individual. I could see MD1032's sleeping body. Wait, MD1032 is MD1032, and me is I...
As MD1032 struggled frantically to find and disable the "Enable Fog" detail option in my mind, something occured to us, um, me, err MD1032... With the power of the Lag, and Topher's cryptic explination of the Marshmellow Matrix, I can...
A few hours later, the sleeping MD was awoken by the sounds of dwarves! They were singing, not far from the forest where he was sleeping! Ignoring the fact that he was in a city just moments before, he went to see what was going on! On his way there, he tripped over the semi transparent MD. Who was stil unconscious under the pizza. Taking a slice, the MD 1032 carried on.
He found 7 dwarves mining away at the side of a mountain, with pick axes! He showed them how it was done in a pyro, and they all rejoiced! Especially Lazy, who didn't like to work hard. But before loaning his pyro to Dopey, he made sure that everyone got a drug test by Doc...
But it wasn't a drug test. He used the wrong medicine. Rather, he used ...
...some strange looking red pills...
The world started to melt around the dwarves, and they diseappeared!
Shocked by the sight, Snow white came out of her cottage before the MD could take his own pill. The MD recognized her from somewhere, just couldn't place it. Asking the MD what was going on, their eyes met, and (editied for content). The next morning, the MD realized where he knew her from! She was Always at the "abandoned" warehouse built by Schplurg Enterprises!
knowing this, he decided to...
go to his imager to decide who he liked more- seven of nine or snow white.
The imager then malfunctioned...so he went to flip a coin. Although he knew he wanted Seven of Nine more, he still liked Snow White...
Suddenly, the point of view returned to my perspective as I swallowed what I thought was a red Jolly Rancher candy while deciding who I wanted... I looked around, and I was no longer trying to decide who to choose, but was on the street...
when he saw a marshmellow walking down the street with electronic attachments, forming arms, legs, and an eerie glowing red eye.
"You will be Assimilated into the Marshmellow Collective" is said in a sugary sweet, yet mechanical voice...
"This is why you never bet on something with the marshmellow collective unless you are 100% sure your going to win...espicially when you bet with candy bars or other fatty foods."
Guys, let's post in story time part two from now on.
However, a new, radio-like voice continued, it would be perfectly alright to bet with foods such as steak from Charley's steak house in ontario, where CDN Wingman works! And today only they are on sale!
"how did a commercial get in here?" the MD wonders...
You're right, Duhq
The MD getting hungry goes straight to Charlies Steak house but as soon as he walks through the door, he sees a whole heap of robots waiting for him...
...why he is still fascinating about two fictional women? Then remebers the giant marshmallow monster, which is more menacing looking than the previous three, still heading for him! He quickly looks around for something to help him.
A respawn spot! He is saved! But what's this? Just 10.0 Liters of Napalm?! MD figures "What the hell, its all I got." So, he pulls out his lighter, takes the 10.0 liters of napalm and lights the tank. He hurls it at the very sugary villian, hoping that this would be similar to every recipie he screwed up in the kitchen back home. He moves his arm back then foward in a quick circular motion he remebers from high school football and the napalm flies through the air. The monster is set a blaze! The marshmallowy skin is burns away...
..Immediatly writing down MB's signature for future reference, he snaps his fingures, and to his surprise, it brings him a twinky, which was exactly what he was thinking of, so he thinks of a Phoenix with a much-heavier-than-standard load of weapons, including all the weapons from D2 and D3, then snaps his fingers, and a Phoenix immediatly falls from the sky crushing all the bots, then MD 1032 relizes...
MD1032 has mastered the imagination/just add water thing in only a few posts rather than a few years. MD1032 then thinks about how much PTMC didn't pay him so he thinks about money. But then two men, dressed in suits and wearing sunglasses, walk up and show a badge with "I.R.S." written on it. MD1032 runs, but...
but the MD knows that the IRS guys have got what it takes to take what he's got! as he flees to his Pheonix, the IRS guys whip out their tax forms, and suddenly a wall of red tape holds the MD back! in Fact, he's stuck to it!
so he thinks of a pair of automatic scissors, now he needs some water...
The red tape is the only thing holding MD between taxation and freedom. A bucket of water is nearby, and with scissors in mind, he reaches for it. He falls and the tape rips. Since he no longer needs the scissors, he picks himself up and runs, losing the agents. He then heads towards...
the walmart! his pheonix didn't come with any batteries, because he forgot to think of those!
When he finally reached the walmart...
he releaized that they were selling D1 in the discount bin!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! he yelled, as he....
Called Topher in the Marshmellow Matrix to fill the esle's full of D1! Racks of D1 fill the store at full price!
But MD knows somthing is missing...
But he can't quite place it...
as topher comes running down the aisle, seemingly in slow motion, (which is odd becuase every else is moving at the normal speed), it hits him! Right in the face! Someone through a pizza at him! he turns around to see, in his horror...
...and to his horror, he sees a Wal-Mart worker taking Descent 1 off the shelves and replacing it with Forsaken! MD fell to his knees, and screamed one word: NOOOOOOOOOO!
MD decided to take action by...
...powering up his Spirit Bomb blowing the worker into THE NEXT DIMENTION!!!
Then MD, Topher and Goku quickly run outside to find...
that they had blown the entire thrid dimension away with the poor wal mart sap!
Everything around them was completely 2d! This must be fixed, said the MD as he launched a Black Shark, hoping the gravity feild would pull things back into order!
MD prayed that the Black Shark, which he had custom ordered a month ago could set things straiaght. It detonated on a valuble and rare purple sportscar (a Prowler?), sucking it in, as well as parts of the parking lot, shopping carts, various people, and then detonated setting everything back to 3-dimensional. He also created a vortex which looked something like what you would see on Stargate. MD thought he found a gate to a new world. Because he was a very curious person, he flew, in his pyro, through the vortex and...
was thrown through a maze of gooey, marshmellowy wormholes! HE had at last escaped the Marshmellow Matrix! (that ones for you Mad )
But this strange new world that he saw was unlike any other he had ever seen, it was...
It was full of robots that MD had destroied before, Class 1 Drones, Hellion Assult Mechs, Sidearms, and other robots our hero has destroyed. MD's old guide-bot (the one MD nailed headon with flash missles and earthshakers against the lava back in the good ol' days of D2), came up to the pyro, causing the newer guide-bot to get out and they started talking. The guide-bot translated, "We are sorry for what harm we caused you. I just shot those innocent flares at you because it was fun and playful. But you fired shakers at me. All I ever wanted was a friend because I've been abused so much." MD responded by saying...
IP: Logged
(My beautiful Prowler, destroied by a black shark...snif)
"Awwww...ain't that cute." the MD said. He walked up and hugged the older guidebot, crushing parts of him and shorting out parts of the circuts. In response, the guide-bot extended a arm with cattle prod on it and shocked MD until he started to...
