Most Nerdy Hobbies in the World
Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2004 7:47 pm
Dorkstorm: The Annihilation
The ten geekiest hobbies
By Seanbaby
You can tell a lot about a person from the hobbies they choose, especially if it requires them to be tied to a bathtub full of hot dogs with a panel of judges and a proctologist with a tape measure watching. But enough about coin collecting. Weâ??ve contacted renowned experts on geeks, as well as many actual geeks, to compile this list of the dorkiest things you can do with your time. Each activity will be ranked on both how badly it humiliates the participant and how negatively it affects his or her sex life. These are not rough estimates. These are scientific facts based on the research done by captive supergeniuses working in controlled conditions with test mice and test mice dressed like tiny wizards.
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10. Comic Books
Public Humiliation: 49.5%
Our studies show that comic book geeks are normally solitary, but engage in very noisy arguments when gathered in numbers. These are usually based on the most recent superhero movie, and how much it sucked. This sucking is always measured in direct relation to the number of continuity problems between it and an issue of The Incredible Hulk, which to be honest, had some problems of its own like the Abrams tank with the completely wrong size smoothbore turret and the Hulkâ??s hair just all of a sudden being parted the other way! Safety Tip: If your comic book geek isnâ??t loudly complaining about something, check carefully â?? you might have blacked out and killed it.
Damage to Sex Life: 68.7%
When youâ??re finished showing someone your chart of all the ways Magnetoâ??s hat in X-Men 2 was incorrect, itâ??s going to be a long, uphill battle to then have sex with them. And to make matters worse, the faulty shape of the dong port in the movieâ??s version of Magnetoâ??s hat will make having sex with it even harder.
Distinguishing Characteristics: Comic book geeks wear a uniform of a faded Green Lantern t-shirt and a confrontationally unkempt appearance.
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9. Role Playing Games
Public Humiliation: 63.4%
Dungeons and Dragons combines the nerdiness of a fantasy setting with the fruitiness of improvisational theatre, and as if that werenâ??t enough for them to deal with, the rest of us think these people are going to go crazy and kill us. Itâ??s really hard for society to do more to tell you that if you play this game, youâ??re on your own.
Damage to Sex Life: 78.0%
We werenâ??t exactly sure on this figure, since a 78% means that thereâ??s still a 22% chance of a woman walking by role players and one of them saying, â??A minotaur? Here in the Dungeon of Kajmar!? Very well, I swing my axe of axing at th- why hello there, pretty lady. My nameâ??s Twinkleberry, The Spritish Pegasus. Why, as a matter of fact I AM single.â?
The ten geekiest hobbies
By Seanbaby
You can tell a lot about a person from the hobbies they choose, especially if it requires them to be tied to a bathtub full of hot dogs with a panel of judges and a proctologist with a tape measure watching. But enough about coin collecting. Weâ??ve contacted renowned experts on geeks, as well as many actual geeks, to compile this list of the dorkiest things you can do with your time. Each activity will be ranked on both how badly it humiliates the participant and how negatively it affects his or her sex life. These are not rough estimates. These are scientific facts based on the research done by captive supergeniuses working in controlled conditions with test mice and test mice dressed like tiny wizards.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10. Comic Books
Public Humiliation: 49.5%
Our studies show that comic book geeks are normally solitary, but engage in very noisy arguments when gathered in numbers. These are usually based on the most recent superhero movie, and how much it sucked. This sucking is always measured in direct relation to the number of continuity problems between it and an issue of The Incredible Hulk, which to be honest, had some problems of its own like the Abrams tank with the completely wrong size smoothbore turret and the Hulkâ??s hair just all of a sudden being parted the other way! Safety Tip: If your comic book geek isnâ??t loudly complaining about something, check carefully â?? you might have blacked out and killed it.
Damage to Sex Life: 68.7%
When youâ??re finished showing someone your chart of all the ways Magnetoâ??s hat in X-Men 2 was incorrect, itâ??s going to be a long, uphill battle to then have sex with them. And to make matters worse, the faulty shape of the dong port in the movieâ??s version of Magnetoâ??s hat will make having sex with it even harder.
Distinguishing Characteristics: Comic book geeks wear a uniform of a faded Green Lantern t-shirt and a confrontationally unkempt appearance.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9. Role Playing Games
Public Humiliation: 63.4%
Dungeons and Dragons combines the nerdiness of a fantasy setting with the fruitiness of improvisational theatre, and as if that werenâ??t enough for them to deal with, the rest of us think these people are going to go crazy and kill us. Itâ??s really hard for society to do more to tell you that if you play this game, youâ??re on your own.
Damage to Sex Life: 78.0%
We werenâ??t exactly sure on this figure, since a 78% means that thereâ??s still a 22% chance of a woman walking by role players and one of them saying, â??A minotaur? Here in the Dungeon of Kajmar!? Very well, I swing my axe of axing at th- why hello there, pretty lady. My nameâ??s Twinkleberry, The Spritish Pegasus. Why, as a matter of fact I AM single.â?
