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How would you dance?
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 4:41 pm
by woodchip
Only the wacko democrats could come up with this:
A new survey of Democratic voters indicates that in a hypothetical match-up between Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and former presidential nominee John Kerry, most Democrats would choose suicide over either candidate.
The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesotaâ??s Opinion Research Institute, shows Mr. Kerry drawing 21%, Sen. Clinton 18%, and various forms of suicide 61%.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:10 pm
by Testiculese
Do I have a choice of various suicides? Mine, while effective, are boring.
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:16 pm
by Avder
Given those three options, Suicide is indeed the most attractive option.
You should also add "Bite the Bullet and Vote Republican" "Vote Third Party" and "Not Vote".
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 5:21 pm
by Avder
Additonally, thats a satire story. Has to be. Look at the headlines for his other stories. "Stienbrenner's wallet tests positive for steroids"
Funny tho.
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:03 pm
by Top Gun
â??In a head-to-head match-up, a sharp stick in the eye beats Sen. Kerry by a two-to-one margin."
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:12 pm
by Dedman
If those are my only three options, I have to go with Kerry.
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:13 pm
by Will Robinson
Dedman wrote:If those are my only three options, I have to go with Kerry.
x2. in fact if those were my only choices I'd campaign hard for him!
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:20 pm
by Stryker
This is an anvil.
This is a head.
Hang one from the ceiling with some twine.
Lay on the floor with head underneath anvil.
Have friend cut twine.
Be saved from the doom of the universe.
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 8:24 pm
by Inari
Suicide is my only option.
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 9:27 pm
by Instig8
Sheesh Stryker... that's just sick. Imagine the mess left to be cleaned up. I would prefer lethal injection. I've personally seen it done literally hundreds of times (to non-human animals). No fuss, no mess. ... and the bodies can be recycled for soap and other niceties... pet food, hair conditioner, etc.
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 9:34 pm
by Stryker
Eh, just get a MD... there wouldn't be any matter left to make a mess to clean up.
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 10:33 pm
by Zoop!
Look at me, I'm an undecided voter!
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 10:39 pm
by Avder
Is that why your avatar is a bunch of static?
I wonder if anyone's ever been caught in an atom smasher. I wonder how quick/painful/messy that would be...getting particles shot through you at .999999c.
Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2005 11:38 pm
by Birdseye
I voted suicide!
Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2005 12:52 am
by dissent
Dang! You mean that Stargate thing ain't real??
DANG!!
Guess I'll just have to stay home and eat pizza.
Perhaps if we're lucky, the northeast will secede before the next election ...
Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2005 2:44 pm
by Beowulf
I'd vote McCain or Giuliani if my only other choices were Hillary and Kerry.
Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2005 5:33 pm
by Tricord
Look, an excuse to commit suicide!
Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2005 1:21 pm
by Top Gun
There's always a fourth option...take them both out first.
Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2005 12:06 pm
by Iceman
Seppuku / Hara-kiri fer moi ...
Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 8:57 pm
by ccb056
Hitler looks more appealing