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Have a safe flight!

Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:36 pm
by JMEaT
An email I got a chuckle out of. Reminds me of some of the crap we type to the CSRs to close out service calls where I work.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.) (S= The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:46 pm
by Unix
ROFL!!! I've never seen those. Great find.

Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:53 pm
by Matrix
LMAO thats some great stuff
thx

Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:57 pm
by Krom
OLOLOL!! HAHAHA its not every day something posted on the DBB makes me laugh out loud.

Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:59 pm
by DCrazy
Quite honestly elling oh ell. Nice. :)

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 3:42 am
by Perediablo
Those have been around a while to thouse of us in aviation, but still damned funny!!!!

We've got a few of our own in the Navy.

Gripe: HUD like totally blurry.
Fix: HUD like totally fixed to the max.

Gripe: Flight stick sloppy.
Fix: Cleaned stick and installed bib apron.

Just a few. Of course they were sent back to us by maintenance control as inappropriate, but still amusing.

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 11:45 am
by Scratch
:D good stuff!

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 12:48 pm
by Mobius
Funny. Old.

Qantas = no.
gripes = no.

US Air Force = yes.
"Squawkies" = yes.

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2005 2:43 pm
by AceCombat
that stuff has been around for awhile, but very funny everytime i see it

Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 6:23 pm
by Boo
ROFL :D Never seen those before